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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable that I haven't been apart from daughter for more than 2 hours since she was born 6 months ago?

67 replies

RizzleBizzle · 07/06/2014 21:44

The longest I left her is 2 hours with DP for 2 hours. I haven't really got any family that i would leave her with and it's not really been an issue for me but my friend thinks I'm strange that the first time I'll prob have a night out since she was born will be in August and DD will be approximately 8mo

OP posts:
squoosh · 07/06/2014 22:08

Nothing wrong with it, and nothing wrong with people who have.

pommedeterre · 07/06/2014 22:09

Not weird if you're happy.

fifi669 · 07/06/2014 22:15

I left DS when he was 2 weeks old.... The first week of that I was in hospital! Tbf I was living back with my mum, had a hard time with the ex during my pregnancy and needed a blow out. I don't think we were really connected at that point either. I don't think I've ever had a real problem leaving him as I know he's safe. Prob now 3 years on it's harder than it used to be!

YANBU though, each to their own. I was very sociable before he came along, it would have really hard for me to give that up completely.

ShadowFall · 07/06/2014 22:19

No, not unreasonable.

DS2 is almost 9 months and I don't think I've been apart from him for much longer than that. It hasn't really been an option until very recently because he's been taking his time getting started with weaning.

thebodylovesspring · 07/06/2014 22:21

Hi op,

my youngest dd is now 14. Oldest is 24. Me and dh have loads of friends but our favourite nights out are with our kids.

Always were and always will be.

Icimoi · 07/06/2014 22:21

But wouldn't you like to go out to, say, the shops just occasionally without having to worry about whether you've packed everything for dd, whether you'll be able to get the buggy in to where you want to go, whether you'll be able to stop for a coffee etc etc?

fairylightsintheloft · 07/06/2014 22:26

of course its horses for courses and if you are happy then fine. personally, after a week in hospital I naffed off for two hours the day I came home (til the after effects of CS kicked in and I came home) but we (ie DH and I) have left them regularly with GP from a very young age, including overnight..partly because both our parents' relationships suffered massively from them being just "mum and dad" and not a couple with time out. I agree with one of the posters above who said its actually harder now they are 5 and 3 and far far more aware of who is putting them to bed, but we still do it and have very regular (maybe 2 a month each) times away overnight - less regularly together but only for practical reasons.

mspmsp · 07/06/2014 22:29

I think the first time I was away from DS for more than a couple of hours he was about 5 months old, was a night out abut was probably only a few hours actually, didn't think it was strange. Although my mum did night feeds for me once when he was about a week old, but I lived with her so wasn't really away from him.
The first time I was away from him I cried. He was a out 2 weeks old, my mum took him for a walk to her work, was about an hour in total, I made her phone me once she had crossed the road so i knew he hadn't got run over! Now that is strange ;)

Even now i worry when he goes to his dads for the night but my "yay sleeep!" thoughts over rule any other thoughts these days to be honest.

I think your fine and normal and its no ones business to say your with your 6 month old baby too much, that's ridiculous, how can a parent be with their baby too much? It would only be too much if you felt you needed a break, but youre happy so its fine.

PersonOfInterest · 07/06/2014 22:30

YANBU.

You're happy, your baby is happy, certainly not unusual (though certainly not the only way of doing things)

Wonder why your friend thinks things should change?

elliejjtiny · 07/06/2014 22:40

It's fine as long as you're happy. Just don't do what I did. The first time I left my pfb was when my waters broke with DS2. I was so upset my labour kept stopping.

42andcounting · 07/06/2014 23:18

If it is then I am too... longest I have left 8mo DD for is just under 2 hours, and that was for a close family members funeral. My DP works away a lot so most of the time it's just DD and me (no GPs), and I feel odd being away from her even if I nip to the corner shop and leave her with him (when he's home of course!). I do worry a bit that I am making it harder for her when I have to go back to work though, as she's used to me always being there.

scottishmummy · 07/06/2014 23:21

Up to you,but its not necessary to be velcroed to a baby.doesn't make you better mum

MmeMorrible · 07/06/2014 23:27

It's fine if it's what you want, nothing wrong with it. But it doesn't mean you need a medal for it either.

avocadoadvantage · 07/06/2014 23:41

Yanbu: it feels like I am attached to my dd with an invisible cord. When she was tiny it was very short and tight and I felt sick having her away from me. I couldn't have her sleeping in a cot, let alone leave her and go out! Now she's older the thread is gradually stretching. She's stayed with DH once and GPs once when I've been out in the evening. (8mo). We need to stretch that cord a bit further soon as she'll be with GPs for two days while I do my KiT days soon.
It's prob harder in the earlier days with a bf bottle refuser too Wink Each to their own though!

scottishmummy · 07/06/2014 23:44

Theres no medals or halo for having your baby glued to you.

TheMuppetsIsWhereIShouldBe · 07/06/2014 23:46

The first time I left my son he was one and I was rushed to hospital. It's the only time I leave him. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't of left him. In his 2 years and 2 months I've left him 3 times because I had to go to hospital

BackforGood · 07/06/2014 23:52

If it works for you and your partner, then YANBU, but I see no need to be a martyr to 'never leaving the baby'. Plenty of people will be back at work by then, others will have had things like hospital appts, hospital visiting, funerals, or other things they wouldn't want to take a baby too. Many people would just have needed a chance to be child free for a few hours. Many people will enjoy an evening out with friends. You just have to do what suits your circumstances.

SirChenjin · 07/06/2014 23:55

Nope - nothing wrong with it. If you're breastfeeding it's hard to get away for longer than that anyway - and not everyone feels the need to have nights out.

WorraLiberty · 07/06/2014 23:57

As long as you, your DP and your baby are happy I don't see a problem.

My DH used to love his 1 on 1 time when the kids were babies and he still does now that they're older.

I used to love my 'me' time when they were babies and I still do now.

Different strokes for different folks.

Casmama · 08/06/2014 00:13

If it works for you then that is great but only if it works for your DP too- I have a couple of friends who are so determined to be everything to their child that it undermines the fathers relationship with the child.

Sorry if I have misunderstood your comment about your DP being useless to you but you do your child and your DP a disservice if you contribute to a situation where he cannot adequately look after his own child.

mspmsp · 08/06/2014 08:02

Casmama I thought she just meant he'd be hungover.

meditrina · 08/06/2014 08:06

It's no more unreasonable not to leave your DC than it is to leave them (assuming a good quality sitter).

Personally, I do think it's weird never to have time to yourself. But that doesn't make it unreasonable for those who do not want any to be constantly in company.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 08/06/2014 09:50

I'm going to go against the grain here, I would say it is unreasonable, not bad of course, but I think it's unreasonable towards DP to not give him more time alone with her - and yes "bottle refusing boob monster" would make that difficult, but when you found that out it should've been more than 2 hours I'd've thought.

I also think it's why DP's are so often considered useless by people who don't leave the baby, they're always watched, so they never get to learn what works for the baby and them. You need alone time for that.

Not bad that you've been apart, but you asked if it was unreasonable and I would say YABU.

Nishky · 08/06/2014 10:00

I agree with casmama- even if he is hungover he should be able to care for his own child

Be careful of being the martyr and allowing him to behave like that- by all means never leave your baby if that is what you want, but not because 'I am the only one who can look after him'

Nishky · 08/06/2014 10:00

her

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