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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To trust my husband

44 replies

FartyMcGhee · 07/06/2014 18:47

When he says he will tidy the bedroom to a decent standard by Friday so his mum can stay?

I had assumed that she would sleep in DS's room and DS (toddler) would come in with us but DH says there's no way his mum can sleep in DS's bed as the mattress is on the floor, unless she were to sleep on the high sleeper. This is actually where I sleep as I am in with DS anyway but his mum is in hers sixties so he says she will need a bed, fair enough.

Really I won't be losing out at all as I will be sleeping where I always do but 'our' bedroom is a stinking festering pit of knee deep clothes and every item that we have removed from the rest of the house when tidying up in preparation for her visit.

Her having our room wasn't what I had planned but apparently it's gong to be ok because DH has said he will tidy it. I am going to need such strong willpower not to get involved; I don't think he's ever changed the bed sheets in the time we have been together! It's going to be fine isn't it? And if not she's probably going to blame me for not bothering to tidy isn't she?

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 07/06/2014 18:50

DH and I have very very different ideas of what's tidy he would say he's finished tidying and I can walk in and to me it looks like nothing's been done. Yanbu.

Original poster

FartyMcGhee · 10/06/2014 22:21

Me again.

It's Tuesday, his mother arrives Friday. He still hasn't done anything. I am twitching but I need to resist, despite the fact that I will be thene who is judged when the room is nt done.

Aargh.

OP posts:

Janethegirl · 10/06/2014 22:35

Maybe she'll look at where she's expected to sleep and go home.... Is that a possibility?

Trapper · 10/06/2014 22:37

Marking place to see how this pans out.

DoJo · 10/06/2014 22:50

Could you drop it into conversation with her that he has promised to do it? So she's prepared and knows where the blame lies...

DoJo · 10/06/2014 22:50

Could you drop it into conversation with her that he has promised to do it? So she's prepared and knows where the blame lies...

Janethegirl · 10/06/2014 22:53

Is she likely to care as long as she can get to the bed? If it was me, as long as I'd had a couple of glasses of wine, I'd sleep anywhere. However my MIL would most definitely whinge.

ExcuseTypos · 10/06/2014 23:01

Oh just leave him to get on with it. Just tell him that if it isn't done properly- she'll have to have ds's room.

RhondaJean · 10/06/2014 23:03

Ooh this isn't going to end well I bet.

LindyHemming · 10/06/2014 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 10/06/2014 23:06

Just apologise for the mess and tell her it's because your DH was supposed to tidy it up.

Username12345 · 10/06/2014 23:10

Whatever you do, don't cave. Be strong OP!

wobblyweebles · 11/06/2014 02:21

Why would you be judged? She's his mother - she taught him how to tidy...

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 11/06/2014 02:29

He's sleeping in there at the moment? Then of course he hasn't tidied it yet. It'll just get messy again before Friday, and he'll need to change the sheets on the day anyway, so why do anything now? Surely?

Original poster

FartyMcGhee · 11/06/2014 10:08

when I say tidy I mean move everything so you can see the floor and the bed. there's loads of stuff in there that we moved from the spare room and every item that we have removed from the rest of the house when tidying up in preparation for her visit, several baskets of laundry, several crates of stuff, some things he 'needs to put in the roof' and so on. He has actually been sleeping on the bed with crates piled up on one side. to get to the bed you have to walk through a narrow path in the middle of all the stuff.

I hadn't anticipated that she would be in our room at all. Although I knew she was coming over at some point no one had told me exactly when.

I am just fed up because the expectation seems to always be that I will be the one to prepare stuff like this.

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 11/06/2014 10:50

Don't cave - if you do, it will set the mark for the rest of the relationship.

(But I also think it's going to end badly. So be it.)

Icelollycraving · 11/06/2014 12:57

I would crack on with it & get all the crap you want to be moved in the loft. Literally anything I could find. I couldn't bear to have mess when someone visits.

wobblyweebles · 11/06/2014 13:30

I am just fed up because the expectation seems to always be that I will be the one to prepare stuff like this.

That's why you need to let him do it. Reset expectations.

yoshipoppet · 11/06/2014 13:49

You should speak to her before she arrives (just to 'make sure you have got any special food in she likes') and drop into the conversation that your DH is looking forward so much to her coming that he has insisted that he and only he should get her room ready.
Then you can sit back and enjoy the show :)

fruitpastille · 11/06/2014 13:51

It's a no win situation. Even if you make it clear that he promised to tidy she will probably judge you as having let it get like that in the first place.

Suggest to him that it's such a big job it would be easier to do it together a nd sort it on wed evening so you have time for finishing touches on Friday.

MarianForrester · 11/06/2014 13:54

Do you know, I think I would just do it myself, now, while there's still time. Just because I would probably end up doing if anyway, in a strop and fluster at the last minute.

I know this makes me a rubbish person, but I just couldn't bear the judgeyness.....

believeintheshield · 11/06/2014 18:04

I agree with those saying don't cave. If it's a state when your MIL arrives and she's critical, just say your DH insisted on doing it so you've left it to him. If she keeps being critical, just be a broken record - don't get drawn into a discussion and try to let her comments wash over you. If she says something about you letting it get into that state in the first place, tell her that you sleep in DC's room so the bedroom is DH's job. Rinse and repeat. As wobbly said, it was her (and FIL if there is one) job to teach him how to tidy.

Longdistance · 11/06/2014 18:09

Does he need reminding? My dh does this. I'll mention that something important needs doing, and he says 'yeah, yeah, I'll sort it/do it'. Then he forgets about it. I remind him, but can need reminding several times.

I'm sure there's not a brain in there, but saw dust

Original poster

FartyMcGhee · 11/06/2014 21:00

I don't think she will say anything but I will feel bad. I have just beenin and sorted out the stuff that is mine and will remind him to get it sorted before Friday.

OP posts:

wobblyweebles · 11/06/2014 21:22

...and if he doesn't do it?

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