To trust my husband

[FartyMcGhee]

When he says he will tidy the bedroom to a decent standard by Friday so his mum can stay?

I had assumed that she would sleep in DS's room and DS (toddler) would come in with us but DH says there's no way his mum can sleep in DS's bed as the mattress is on the floor, unless she were to sleep on the high sleeper. This is actually where I sleep as I am in with DS anyway but his mum is in hers sixties so he says she will need a bed, fair enough.

Really I won't be losing out at all as I will be sleeping where I always do but 'our' bedroom is a stinking festering pit of knee deep clothes and every item that we have removed from the rest of the house when tidying up in preparation for her visit.

Her having our room wasn't what I had planned but apparently it's gong to be ok because DH has said he will tidy it. I am going to need such strong willpower not to get involved; I don't think he's ever changed the bed sheets in the time we have been together! It's going to be fine isn't it? And if not she's probably going to blame me for not bothering to tidy isn't she?

You're wobbling. I think you're going to cave...

Oh dear. If he doesn't do it she'll blame you for making him do it and not doing it yourself.
If he does do it, he won't do it properly and you'll get blamed for the same reason.

One thing is, we don't always get on. If it doesn't get done then it will look like I couldn't be bothered and so don't like her. Meh. FFS.

As I said. So be it. You cave now, you'll be caving for the next umpty years.

It's not your responsibility!

Then definitely don't do it. Maybe if she thinks you don't clean to piss her off she won't come back and then the problem doesn't repeat itself

I would make it clear to him that you want him to sort out the room because you wouldn't want his mother to think that it's a reflection on how you feel about her. Then it's not a battle about the room as such.

We had that conversation right at the start. I told him that (although I am not a tidy person) it was important to me that we offered her a tidy room and that while he might thinking doesn't matter it really does matter to me. His response was 'I'll do it and I will do it to a standard you are happy with'.

I suspect this will to be happening.

Life's too short. Just do it, make it nice, relax. Your dh will do other stuff well, think of that instead

You'll likely get the half-hearted/incompetent attempt which will 'invite' you to correct it. ('It looks OK to me' and/or 'That will be fine for Mum' and/or 'If you want it any different, then do it yourself'.) Huh. Hang tough.

OP - come back! It's nearly Friday and I want to know how you did!

OP please tell us how it went, did she take one look and go home?

Sorry, I was thinking ( hoping) it is Friday

Marking place

Oh dear I hope things aren't too stressful OP?

Im going through something similar myself. My husband has a work shop and basically he has to empty it in less than a week because someone is taking it on, last time I went in I was so shocked at the mess that I have been scared to go back in it. He says its fine I will sort it but he messes about so much and never wants to bin anything that I can't imagine it being sorted, part of me is getting very anxious and the other says why am I letting it bother me it shouldn't effect me its his problem.

She comes tomorrow.

So tonight I almost buckled because my husband was working late and hard but in the end I concentrated on other stuff like looking after and bathing our toddler, hanging out washing, emptying the dishwasher and tidying other parts of the house.

My husband came home full of woe and then asked metro help put stuff in the loft which meant he stood on a ladder andi decided which stuff to hand him, from our bedroom.

I ended up tidying a lot of Stuff away but am leaving the bed changing and vacuuming to him.

Somimkind of got hoodwinked into doing it or at least helping buti think DH is a bit bemused by the fact that I am not rushing around trying to get things sorted out.

Sounds like a good compromise was reached.
Or did you end up making the bed?
It's hard isn't it. If he'd completely reneged on the deal you'd have felt inhospitable to his mum if you'd not done it.

I agree with helpys; that sounds like a good compromise to me. The important thing is that you did leave it to him, and you didn't just do it in the face of his inaction - he had to ask you to help him. That means he accepted it as his responsibility, rather than being allowed to just let you deal with it. The fact that you helped him when he asked just makes you a nice person! DH being bemused is good in my opinion - maybe it means he's starting to realise that you won't run around cleaning up his mess!

I made the bed this morning, on the understanding that DH vacuums and dusts. I have even opened the window to air it and bought flowers.

Much as I am annoyed I don't want her to be uncomfortable and to think that we are not welcoming her.