AIBU to have concerns about returning to UK

[madchocolatemum48]

We are in the process of moving back to the Uk. Dh's job mainly, but I would like the kids to 'know their roots' too.
The more I read about the UK at the moment I am beginning to wonder if it is really such a good idea after all.
We have a nice house in a quiet village. Kids are at a good school. Life is a little hum-drum but nothing major to complain about.
I'm concerned about schools, areas to move too, crime, politics. Practically everything really.
Is it as bad as the newspapers make out????

I lived abroad for years, and I totally understand your concerns about coming back. Coming "home" isn't always easy!

It did take me quite a while to settle back in, but it's more than ten years since we moved back, and I love it now. We live in a smallish town but very diverse, very friendly and lots going on. It's very safe, not much crime at all. We have great local schools and fantastic neighbours. Beautiful countrywide on our doorstep but easy access to several big cities when we want them. I am very happy to be bringing up my dd in this kind of environment.

I do find, though, that we seem to gravitate towards people who share our experience of having lived overseas. Fortunately, there are plenty if them where we live, so we've made lots of friends! :)

I've lived overseas for nearing 7 years now and I'll do anything not to have to come back (in the nicest possible way!)

I'm a South Londoner and I really don't want to go back to having to commute to the city, and paying by all accounts, absolutely extortionate childcare fees.

That being said, whilst I love where I live now, if we don't get permanent residency (we have to either apply for PR or leave at the end of 9 years) then we'll have to look at where to move to. I'm angling for Perth, Australia - I think it has the best balance between city living and the outdoor lifestyle and weather that we have now.

I would have concerns about moving back as well - the only reason I'd move back now is for my family and they'd smack my chops if I did that for them.

I love love love visiting the UK (DH from Edinburgh so do both when we come over) and there is so much that is wonderful about the country but the idea of going back to the daily drudgery fills me with dread

America would be worse; couldn't imagine a reason good enough to move there, short of environmental disaster/ zombee apocolypse/ ... they are ridiculously paranoid in the USA

Really? That's not my experience at all, and I've lived on both coasts of the US and the mid-West. I now live in New England and my children go out on their own pretty much all the time including the 9yo - they cycle around town to their friends' houses and make their own way to school.

OP - no idea if you should move to the UK or not, but I will not be. I found England so overcrowded and expensive (I lived in the north-east, the south-west, the south-east and London), whereas now we have lake, sea, mountains, cheap cost of living, great schools and loads more. I can't imagine going back to a country where they put 30 kids in one classroom for example.

wobbly I freely admit that my views are based on the ridiculously paranoid American ex-pats I meet / know superficially in Germany - Ametican " country folk" or in fact any other Americzn may be different! I've encountered degrees of paranoia that make my mind boggle (even though all the kuds walk home alone, the Boogie Man especially wants theirs...) but maybe its specific to American ex-pats? Or well off Ametiricans and there is fear of foreigners at play, I have no idea... The idea that if somebody offers your child a sweet in an explicable, logical context they are trying to poison them has cropped up...

On the other hand those working in customer facing roles get it right in the UK more often than not - friendly without being false... but its not a reason to move back by itself! Not sure what elae is "better" in the UK... Stay where you are OP... I am somewhat cross that I'll need a visa to stay out of the UK in a few years, the way things are going, but its hard to see what to do about that!

Well we have lakes, sea, mountains and affordable housing and we're in one of the most popular parts of the UK!

And 'daily drudgery' I don't think we want you back thanks!

We do have time to think about the move and we don't have to move, just means dh has to travel more if we stay.
Children have so much freedom here from a very young age, they are encouraged to be independent here. Parents don't worry so much about things happening here, because basically things don't happen.
I (unfortunately) don't have the same upbringing. Having lived in the UK & US ( wouldn't consider returning with kids btw) I know that bad things do happen to children. It makes me feel paranoid and overprotective here.
I live in a tiny village. One Mum leaves her 6 yr old alone at home while she walks her dogs. Two 6/7 have been walking to school for the last 2yrs by themselves (Over a busy road and railway line) We don't have barriers it's that rural. The school don't have fences, the kids can play in the forest at play times. SS in the UK would have a field day here.
Trying to find a happy-medium is hard. The UK seems so loud for kids where as it feels unnaturally-naive here.

I can't compare living in the UK to living overseas because I have only lived in the UK, but there are way too many assumptions on this thread. Yes, the UK is overcrowded, and driving is often not a pleasure due to the jam packed roads, but crime, bad schools, daily drudgery - not where I live.

I think age comes into it as well as where you live I am 55 and OH is 62. We had DD late in life and were financially secure by the time she was born. We own our, mortgage free, home. Most of the primary schools in this area are outstanding and two of the nearest high schools are ofsted rated good. Our village is 4 miles from the nearest small market town and a 30 minute drive to two major cities. We live near a railway station and have hourly trains.

DD has had some major health issues that meant we are frequent visitors to the local children's hospital, which is absolutely brilliant - thank goodness for the NHS. I don't know how we would have coped if we had been living somewhere like the US, for example.

I can't compare my lifestyle to that of living abroad, but I am happy with my life here in the UK.

For me, the most depressing thing about living in the UK, apart from the number of cars on the road, is the weather.

I live in a city in Yorkshire. I can walk into the city centre in 20 mins, cycle to meet all my friends, get a train out to every destination, including to beautiful countryside on the doorstep and don't need a car.

I can walk to the supermarket, cinemas, the swimming pool. I live in a flat but it's opposite a large park with gardens and tennis courts. I shop at the local market and get all kinds of nice, fresh food. If I want a night out there are some lovely bars and restaurants.

I have 2 sets of neighbours - one are a house of students and one is an elderly gentleman. All are lovely and friendly.

Yes, it rains, but I think my quality of life is very good and don't experience any of the negative things people mention.

I'm in Yorkshire too chrome100

we have recently returned after 20 years overseas. The bureaucracy has driven me crazy - there are rules for EVERYTHING, it is 'elf and safety gone mad. A true nanny state. While I accept I have to jump through hoops to live in other countries re residency, bank accounts etc. it makes me ranty when everything is so difficult here. Want to open a bank account ? We can make you an appointment in 10 days . . . want to get a contract for a phone (SIM only) can't do it because you've not lived here long enough . . . My DC's (both born overseas but with British passports) have had to attend interviews to prove they are British and entitled to a national insurance number. The problems we have had do make me question all the argy bargy about immigrants walking into the country and getting housing and benefits and so on on day one - I really don't know how they do it tbh.

The NHS is creaking at the seams, no appointments for days on end, you can't see a consultant without being referred which can take weeks - fortunately we have kept our private health care to get over this.

The thing I thought would be my biggest problem was the weather, but that has actually been OK. I think I have spent the last six months being so busy trying to get everything sorted the weather has been a secondary consideration.

Coming back is very strange because it should feel like home, but doesn't because it has all changed so much. In some ways it feels like the 60' and 70s again when Enoch Powell was ranting about the immigrant workers coming over here and taking all our jobs - immigration is a huge issue right now - in some ways it feels like we've never been away!

Lol at moving back to the USA in disgust because of privatisation of the NHS :) Good luck, enjoy that free, nationalised health care they do so well in America (or are you Canadian?).

Separate issue about schools. When you hear of kids being sent to different schools, not getting their first choice etc, that is in England. In Scotland, kids mainly go to their local school, and there is no application process. If you live there, you go there.

I live in a small Suffolk village. I share a house with my mum. We have lovely neighbours. My son's adopted grandma lives opposite us. The village has a garage(no petrol now) and hardware shop, a shop(6-10 opening), a museum, two pubs, a church, a chapel, a sheltered housing complex, a primary school and a preschool. I wouldnt want to live anywhere else.

I live in Edinburgh and nobody talks about immigration. Apart from to say bloody hell, what did we do before all these attractive and hard working Polish people arrived.

"When you hear of kids being sent to different schools, not getting their first choice etc, that is in England."

It depends where you live. DD went to our first and only choice of high school. Since she started the results have gone up and the ofsted rating had gone up. The school are now chasing after an ofsted outstanding and are likely to get it.

perhaps it's just darn sarf then Morris - although if you become independent you might discuss it more - recently had local and European elections and it was all everyone seemed to be talking about. As long term immigrants it made me smile a bit.

I'd love a house swap here!
Could you not try a month or two here for a long holiday and see how you feel/where you want to live?

I've lived in Scandinavia. It's all the things you describe OP but also deathly boring! If I were you I'd stay in Norway as long as your kids are pre-teen but move to the UK (if you must) once they want to go out on their own.

We moved back after over 20 years in California. I'm loving it, Dd has settled in Junior school, older boys are working, one is going to college in September (other did Uni in CA)
Biggest gripes, are Dh misses the heat (9 months long in shorts suits him but near or at 40 doesn't suit the rest of us)
He also moans there are no straight lines in UK houses as he's trying to do up our 70 dorma bungalow and having a good moan about it. Other than that food is cheaper, we are living on less money and doing fine. streets seem very safe, Dd has more freedom here (she's 9) I'm working for the NHS love my job and the people I work with.
Stop reading the papers OP. They love to sensationalize.

I've never lived outside the UK. I live in a sleepy little village. My kids go to good schools....Don't be taken in my the Daily Mail view of Britain. If I believed their take on the world, I'd doubt I'd move anywhere overseas either. I have friends/relatives across Europe, OZ, Canada and the USA and they all report the same problems that we can face in parts of Britain. Life is what you make it.

I've been thinking about this: is the UK becoming progressively less parent-friendly? My SIL is raising her family in Germany and it sounds wonderful compared with here.

unemployment is the norm

What a daft statement.

I live in a dozy little village in rural Scotland- the children go out to play at 4/5 here and all look out for each other.

i will never live anywhere else, it's a gorgeous part of the country and we have a fab community, the worst things that take place here are the occassional face-off between friends who have gossipped too much about each other.

The school is fenced but the children are encouraged to be responsible and independent too.

I don't think you should let the Daily Mail put you off- find a couple of people in the areas you want to be in and talk or write to them.

I don't actually think Scandinavian countries are necessarily safer than the UK, I think if you look at the risk of same sized communities in the UK and Sweden the risk or child abduction, school shootings, child murders are probably similar it is just the perception of risk that is different.

The risk of terrible things happening to your child if they walk to school alone is miniscule, I would guess the risk of a car journey every day is greater.

We are considering sending our dc to a school which is a train+bus+short walk away, dp currently works near the school so as long as he still works there he can drop off/pick up the children but he might not work for the same company in the future so we were interested how other families managed the commute. We spoke to a child who was 10, she lives in the same area as us, she collects her little brother who is 7 from his classroom, they both then catch the bus and train home and then wall to their house, often there is a little gang of them from the same school but there is no organisation, it's all on public transport. In contrast my little sister is 10 and she is walked to and from school everyday in the UK, her school is less than a km away with no busy roads. Everyone elses is also walked to school so even if she walked alone she would have company. I asked my mum why it was necessary to do the school run with a sensible 10 year old and she said it was because all the other mums did it.

I live in a suburb of London. I love it.

Easy access to all the amazing world leading culture of the city, but clean air and lots of lovely parks near us for DD. Outstanding schools near us, great NHS treatment from my local GP surgery and hospital. Lots of fresh produce in the local market, nice local restaurants. It's a little expensive to own your own home here, but that's because so many people want to live here, and there aren't enough homes to go around!

The whole of Europe seems to be awash with new xenophobia and neo-nazism linked to immigration, not just the UK. And the Eurozone is currently the fragile economic area, not the UK. As many have said, ignore the Daily Mail, in fact ignore the extreme views either way.

Horses for courses, innit.