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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I shouldn't be buying a car that I won't be able to drive...

37 replies

BoldBlackCherry · 06/06/2014 11:26

My dp is a bit of a twat, very controlling and a nightmare to deal with sometimes. Things are good and bad at the moment.

We recently were given some money by his parents to buy a new car because our one is unsafe and falling to peices. The money was a loan to both of us to be paid back each month. This was all fine with me, I thought it was a nice thing for them to do because we would never be able to save for one ourselves.

We have been looking for a while and every car I've suggested hasn't been good enough. I knew this would be the case but I thought if I made him think it was his idea, he would go with it.

He has found one that he wants to go and buy tomorrow. It's a massive car, 2.5 turbo diesel with lots of bhp, very fast and very big. I have been driving for a year and I'm 26 so insurance was always going to be quite high.

I got a couple of insurance quotes for this car and the cheapest is Â£140 a month with me as an additional driver. I've shopped around as much as I can and this seems to be the lowest I could find. With dp on the car alone, it's going to be Â£30 per month because he has been driving for 20 years, is older and has no claims.

He is going to buy the car tomorrow. I'm a bit put out because I know I'll never be able to afford the loan repayments and the higher insurance along with diesel etc but he is adamant this is what we are getting and that's it.

Aibu to think this is not fair and that I should point out to his parents that I will not be repaying the loan for a car i will not be able to drive? Hi parents are lovely and will not be happy when they hear about what he has done but I don't really want to pay back for a car I won't be driving, even though I will be a passenger.

I was going to use the money I'd have paid back for the loan to save over a few months and buy something small and cheap for me and dds to use day to day. At the moment we have a golf which is cheap to insure but it's just on its last legs.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 06/06/2014 11:40

Yanbu

Suspect the car is the least of your problems with this nob.

Chippednailvarnish · 06/06/2014 11:43

If you think your DP is a twat, it's because he's a twat...

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 06/06/2014 11:45

How about using the money for a deposit on a new home for just you and the DDs...?

As ^^ - the car is the least of your problems. But yes If you stay, refuse the loan, wash your hands of it and use your menu for your own car. I think you might be needing it...

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 06/06/2014 11:45

Money not menu! ??

mistlethrush · 06/06/2014 11:47

I think that you need to start looking for an exit strategy - make sure that you're not going to have to pay back this 'loan' when you leave.

MangoBiscuit · 06/06/2014 11:48

In your shoes, I would be making it very clear to him that I would not be repaying a loan if I had no say in how it was spent, and that I would also not accept him contributing less to the joint financial commitments because of it. In other words, if he wants that car and bugger what you think, then he can pay for it from HIS money. Selfish twat.

PatriciaHolm · 06/06/2014 11:50

What exactly are his redeeming features?

Mordirig · 06/06/2014 11:51

Well its a good job its a big car, he can go live in it!

what a twat.

YADNBU, I would refuse to pay for a car you can or do not want to drive.

AgaPanthers · 06/06/2014 11:51

The main issue is the twattish husband.

As far as the car goes I think YABU to say that you can't drive a 2.5 turbodiesel. Our family car when we were that age was a 2.5 turbo petrol giant Volvo.

A small car is easier to park but less practical in many ways.

DenzelWashington · 06/06/2014 11:52

Agree. I also think you should tell PIL directly that you will not be repaying any part of the loan.

Optimist1 · 06/06/2014 11:53

If money is tight you really should be looking for a car that'll be economical to run, shouldn't you?

picnicbasketcase · 06/06/2014 11:53

I think you should make it clear to the and him that if he insists upon buying a car that's no use to you, he's on his own with regard to paying the money back. Why on earth should you contribute when it's not your car?

And also, if he's always this twatty, LTB.

YouTheCat · 06/06/2014 11:54

Aga, I think the point is she won't be able to drive it because she won't be insured as the insurance is too much for that kind of car.

OP, get rid of the twat and all your problems will be solved.

nauticant · 06/06/2014 11:57

YADNBU but you need to contact his parents today to give them the opportunity to discuss it with him today. If it's left till tomorrow it'll be a done deal and you'll appear to be backing out of something you agreed to even though that's not the case.

mrstigs · 06/06/2014 11:57

It's not just getting used to a powerful car is it? It's the fact that it seems to be going the way of OP not even being able to insure the car for her to drive it.
You are certainly NBU OP, and your husband is not behaving in a very respectful way right now. Tell your DH and your PIL that as the money is being used for a car you cannot drive it is a loan on his part only, and put some serious thought into your future with this man as you don't seem destined for happiness as things stand atm.

picnicbasketcase · 06/06/2014 11:59

He is aware that the insurance will be too expensive for you, yes? So he is deliberately buying a car that you haven't agreed to, that will be solely his to drive, without your consent, whilst expecting you to pay. This has made me quite on your behalf actually.

FraidyCat · 06/06/2014 12:09

He's going to buy the car tomorrow? Phone his parents today and tell them you're opting out of the arrangement, and why. (Maybe they'll have words with him.)

First tell him you won't be contributing towards the car, and that you'll be phoning his parents.

Dutch1e · 06/06/2014 12:22

Yep, what Fraidycat said.

No way I'd go into debt for something I didn't want

SugarMiceInTheRain · 06/06/2014 12:35

Just to echo what the others said. Save your money and get something you can drive and insure. Definitely phone his parents and tell them, so you won't be held liable. for you.

Andrewofgg · 06/06/2014 12:42

He doesn't want a car, he wants a toy. He is being ridiculous and unfair.

AgaPanthers · 06/06/2014 13:06

"Aga, I think the point is she won't be able to drive it because she won't be insured as the insurance is too much for that kind of car."

For us it wasn't. It depends on the kind of car, but a lot of the time these vehicles are actually fairly low risk so the premiums are ok. And 26 isn't that young/expensive for insurance.

Also if the husband is the insured party and OP the named driver this won't affect insurance more than about £20 (at least in my experience)

FryOneFatManic · 06/06/2014 13:12

AgaPanthers

The OP said this:

I got a couple of insurance quotes for this car and the cheapest is £140 a month with me as an additional driver.

Bit different to £20

5Foot5 · 06/06/2014 13:12

Aga the OP has already said that she shopped around and the best insurance deal she could get would be 140 pm with her as a named driver but it is only 30 pm with her DP as the only driver. That is considerably more than 20!

5Foot5 · 06/06/2014 13:13

x-post !!!

VanitasVanitatum · 06/06/2014 13:20

As asked above OP, what are his redeeming features? Because I honestly would not want to remain in this relationship. It sounds like he has zero respect or consideration for you, and feels like he is 'in charge'.

What is his response when you point out that you won't be able to drive the car as you cannot get insurance?

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