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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to DP going out?

28 replies

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 17:05

Not sure if I'm just tired and hormonal or genuinely being reasonable.

DP works away all week and comes home on weekends. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and a SAHM to our 4 year old. We don't have lots of support from family so I'm left alone with DS all week, the only break being the 3 hours he is at nursery. I'm starting to get really tired now and am finding it hard to cope with DS and his energy.

It's his 4th birthday next weekend, we're having a party for him at soft play in the morning and now I've found out that DP plans to spend the rest of the afternoon out with friends as there's an England game on. To be honest I'm not feeling happy about it and don't want him to go. I know he needs downtime after working all week but I also need a break from DS, or at least an extra hand looking after him.

He went out last weekend late afternoon and was hungover and tired all day the next day, that was fine and I could put up with that. The weekend after the party he is going to his cousins wedding which again will take up most of the weekend.

AIBU to tell him not to go out after DSs party? I feel like I'm being controlling but I'm so tired on my own now.

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/06/2014 17:08

No I don't think yabu, you need a break too, he's having quite a few. I think it's your turn.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/06/2014 17:08

Also, what about him spending some time with DS?

CoffeeTea103 · 05/06/2014 17:08

Yanbu, you would think being away from his family the whole week he would want to spend time with them, especially on his sons party day.

Thurlow · 05/06/2014 17:09

Not at all. I'm all for parents continuing to go out and have a social life but 1, it's your DS's birthday party day, and 2, you're massively pregnant!

I would say don't have a go at him, though (not that I know if you were going to be, obviously) but just calmly explain to him that you are tired, it will be a long morning at the party, you're having another baby and you really need a bit of time to yourself that afternoon. You both need downtime.

YouTheCat · 05/06/2014 17:09

And what is he going to do if you go into labour? He should be thinking of you and your ds, plus the new baby and not buggering off drinking so much he is useless the next day.

HerRoyalNotness · 05/06/2014 17:12

Next week you'll be 39weeks, and then for his cousins wedding, you'll be 40weeks???!! I'd be asking him to skip the football, and to stay sober at the wedding. Hopefully the wedding is in the same town as you!

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 05/06/2014 17:14

YANBU. I would expect DH to spend the day with the birthday boy. Take him out to the park for the afternoon or do something fun with him, either as a family or just the 2 of them.
If your DH never got a night out I could see his point, but with him going out the weekend before and the weekend after I think he should make the effort to spend the day with his son.

WyrdByrd · 05/06/2014 17:16

Next week's match doesn't start until 11pm.

Don't see why he can't be at home for the afternoon, do bedtime for your DS then go out?

If he's planning to spend the whole afternoon getting lashed YA def NBU.

partialderivative · 05/06/2014 17:17

How big a footie fan is he?

I imagine he has been looking forward to this for sometime, the atmosphere in a pub where everyone is watching a live game can be brilliant.

I certainly do not think yabu, but maybe give him some slack this time, but tell him you really do not want him swanning of with his mates at every opportunity. Maybe only England matches (if he is English)

Original poster

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 17:18

He wouldn't drink enough to be completely useless but he would get tipsy. Think I might point out that I won't be getting in a car with him if he's even had one drink and obviously won't be able to drive myself to the hospital.

Yes I'll be 40 weeks and the wedding is a 2 hour drive from us, hence why I'm not going nothing to do with the fact I look like a beached whale and can't find a dress to fit
The wedding is a big deal to him as not many of that side of his family get on and he feels honoured to be invited. He won't be drinking or stopping over but it's still the fact that I'm left alone to entertain a 4 year old when I'd rather be chilling out.

OP posts:

ViviPru · 05/06/2014 17:19

I was going to say what Wyrd said. Does he realise this? Perhaps he does and is hoping you will assume it's a regular UK kick-off time.... You could reasonably compromise and ask him to give you a bit of support in the afternoon/early evening then go out. Surely that's the fairest solution?

Original poster

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 17:20

He's not a massive football fan btw. He never watches it.

I think it's more that he misses his friends and likes to be involved in the social side.

OP posts:

Golferman · 05/06/2014 17:20

If it's England v Italy kick off is 11 pm so plenty of time to do both.

partialderivative · 05/06/2014 17:21

11:00 kick off! I hadn't appreciated that.

There's no reason at all to be away with his mates for the whole afternoon.

Definitely agree with WyrdByrd

Original poster

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 17:21

Oh I didn't know that, I've just heard that they're all planning on going out between 3-4.
In that case I don't mind him going after bedtime, as long as he only has 1 or 2 shandies. Thanks for that!

OP posts:

HerRoyalNotness · 05/06/2014 17:22

Oh dear. I understand about the wedding. Do you have family or friends nearby that can come over to mind DS while you rest and/or be on standby if you go into labour?

I can't imagine anything worse than having to occupy a 4yo while having contractions to deal with.

Original poster

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 17:23

I'll see if he mentions that first before I bring it up though!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 05/06/2014 17:25

Then he'll be up till the small hours and useless the next day.

2 out of 4 weekends is more than enough going out.

ViviPru · 05/06/2014 17:26

Hmm... I suspect his friends are still planning an afternoon-long piss up though and that's what he's looking forward to. Especially in light of your post saying he's not massively fussed about the actual football. Which actually makes the uniqueness of the occasion less of a deciding factor in whether it is unreasonable or not of him to go.

Original poster

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 17:32

What time would it finish do you think? I know nothing about football!

OP posts:

caruthers · 05/06/2014 17:34

It will finish about 1ish.

He sounds a bit selfish although I understand him.

pleaseaffixstamps · 05/06/2014 17:38

I'd be a bit miffed that he's sodding off on his son's birthday, when he's been away all week, too.

YANBU. You need downtime, too. What about you going off on Sunday for an afternoon somewhere nice? (Or just saying "I'm off duty" and going for a novel and a nap in the bedroom with the door firmly shut, while he has sole care of DS.)

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/06/2014 17:38

He's definitely looking forward to an afternoon piss up if the football doesn't start until 11!

Your DH is taking the piss I'm afraid.

Original poster

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 17:44

Argh now I don't know what to do. I get that he's alone all week and needs a bit more stimulation than a tired Fiancé and energetic child at the weekend, but I'm tired and lonely as well :(

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/06/2014 18:02

Exactly OP! There's nothing wrong with him having a day off, but as long as you get one too.

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