To feel 'enough with the collections'

[Upwiththelark]

I work with a woman who is forever organising collections for this, that and the other. I have no problem giving to collections for people leaving, or for a major event like a wedding.
But her latest is a collection for our boss's 40th birthday. Lots of people in here have had big birthdays over the last couple of years and, apart from a cake, there was no communal present.
A couple of months ago she organised a collection to buy a present for a colleague's new grandchild.
I know I can refuse to contribute but it can be a bit awkward. However, like a lot of people I'm on a tight budget and just can't afford to be handing over a few quid her and a few quid there every couple of weeks on top of the presents I already have to buy for family and friends.
I know at least two other people that I'm friendly with feel the same. WWBU to suggest, in a general way, a general guide as to what is and isn't appropriate to office wide collections?

Yanbu, people like that really are inconsiderate even if their intentions are good. How can she assume in the first place people would want to contribute.

YANBU. I have worked in places where there seemed to be an endless stream of collections going around. Some people just don't know what is appropriate to a 'total office' collection eg someone retiring and what should really be contained to a colleagues particular group of friends or immediate team eg new baby present.

YABU. There should be a policy about what collections are made. Grandchildren is ridiculous.

We put a stop to present collections this year as it was causing issues - some people were forgotten, some people got a small present, some people got a big present, it was causing resentment.

Cards are circulated for signature for birthdays, weddings and funerals, but that's it.

Wedding, retirement, new baby. That's it. Envelope to be circulated between people, anonymous donations put in if desired.

YANBU.

YANBU. I know the collectors are trying to be kind, but they often overlook the fact that this is the 3rd or 4th collection in the last couple of months and some co-workers just cannot afford to keep contributing. What eventually happens is that people just start to give a very small amount to each collection when really it would be better to do a fairly generous collection for people retiring or moving to another job and forget about collections for 30th birthdays etc.

If your boss is in line to benefit from this next one, s/he is in an excellent position to stop this now. If anything HAS been collected already, s/he can "give it back" to the community as an office cake, special coffee, prize in an office-wide lottery to boost morale...

Sorry, meant the boss could introduce a no/low collections policy, starting with him/herself.

Just greet her with 'Good Lord, what are we collecting for NOW?!' with raised eyebrows. Unless she has the hide of a rhino she will realise that its getting too much.

But no, don't feel obliged to contribute. It's ridiculous.

YABU to suggest, in a general way, a general guide as to what is and isn't appropriate to office wide collections? People are free to make their own minds up if they want to contribute or not.

However YANBU to get fed up with collections in general. I've had a colleague try to arrange a collection for another colleague because she had to have her dog put to sleep. Seriously. I was very sorry for her, and expressed that to her in person, but a collection for flowers?? No.

I think the OP meant a guide as to when Office wide collections should be initiated. I have worked in a place that did this and it was a big relief to most of us as it stopped the over enthusiastic brigade from starting collections for ridiculous reasons like the one you describe.

What a small group of individuals decide to do amongst themselves is a different matter. But trying to drag all and sundry into collections for someone's dog dying etc is inappropriate and can embarrass people into donating to things they really can't afford to.

YANBU at ours we collect for people retiring/leaving and weddings/deaths/new baby in our dept.

We all contribut £1 at the start of the year for birthday cards but don't do presents.

Blimey if we did birthday presents I'd be skint!

The College gives flowers/wine to people leaving, getting married/deaths/new baby.

You would not be unreasonable to say something. Her intentions are kind but you can't have collections for everything.

DHs company have a fund that you can opt to pay into to avoid all these collections. If you pay in, you get a gift for weddings, new babies, jubilees (if you've been there 10, 25, 40 years), round birthdays, notable wedding anniversaries. Might be worth suggesting at your workplace?

It's the same in my office. I will gladly give if I have it but some months I simply haven't and I tell them that

Depending on the company's size, some have policies about this. I'd check with HR.

I've become more cynical about these collections since I noticed, in one workplace, the method employed by a woman who was particularly keen on starting collections. She'd go to markets, and once or twice a year buy a 'job lot' of cards or trinkets, then during the year, pull one of these out after an office whip around and keep the collection money. Seemed like a mini sideline income for her! Sounds cheeky, no?

noodle I worked somewhere were someone had obviously dipped money from the collection. It was ignored even though everyone knew. She was later found to have fiddled the petty cash too -substantially- but instead of being sacked was demoted! It was awful working with her - she was very supercilious too.

OP YANBU.

I once returned to work after being off on holiday to be told i owed £20 for a collection they'd had whilst i was off!!
Raging did not cover it and i had to pay up as a colleague had put it in on my behalf!

£20!!!! That's mad. I would have been furious.

Thanks. Glad most people agree with me. A few of us sent an email a couple of hours ago to HR asking if there could be an agreed procedure on this, and my friend has had a call from one of the staff there. Apparently we are not the only people to have raised this issue and they are going to look at circulating a tactfully worded memo to try and reduce the number of collections going around.

Totally agree...it gets way too much. I was in a well-paid job (pre-DC) and still found it hard to afford these endless collections.

For one person's 50th birthday there was even a gift list and my name had been filled in for the most expensive gift...it was explained that was because I was paid the most! Which was true (was a team manager), but I had a massive mortgage, upcoming maternity leave and the main earner in our soon-to-be-family. The person who informed me of this was married to someone very well off, had no mortgage, and went on 3 foreign holidays a year.

Still, benefit of being team manager was I made a new policy reining this stuff in.

Anyway, there's no pleasure in getting a present that's been forced out of people. Much nicer if one or two people you are closest to at work, remember and make you a coffee and bring you a biscuit...much more genuine.

I rarely put in more than a quid or two. £20?? I also only put in for people I like. There have been one or two, which I haven't signed or contributed to, rather than say, "Not at all sorry you're going, you've been a right bloody nightmare to work with." Better not to say anything in those circumstances.

We fortunately only have collections for leaving here, though it's quite possible other departments also do birthdays and so on; in my department, they can be a bit odd about birthdays, and even acknowledging them at all. I made a pile of homemade cupcakes for my 10th work anniversary, though. I have also sent personal birthday cards to the colleagues I particularly get on with - quite a few have turned 40 in the last few years. (And I know they'll be delighted to open an envelope which then pours "40" confetti all over their desk.)

I did appreciate it when my German colleagues all signed a sympathy card when my mother died, though (which is more than my British colleagues did.) That did show they were thinking of me, and someone thought to arrange it.

What if you didn't have £20? Certain times of the month/year, a lot of people don't!

And Come, I'd have told that woman no!

Ditto the one who bought the job lot. 'No, thanks. I'll pass.'

Good idea OP, hopefully a memo will improve the situation. I know people often mean well, but they need to realise that some of us can't keep putting money in for every occasion. It's a thing of the past where I now work, but previously, I was twice in a situation where we were TOLD, not asked, to give twenty quid to a collection.
The second time was for a person on another team, with whom I had no interaction, who was getting married. I had no interest or inclination to give this person a present. I ignored the email, and heard no more.

At my work you are asked to give £15 if you are a full time member of staff and £7 if you're part time at the start of the academic year. If you don't, nobody chases you, but it covers all cards and leaving presents. Seems to work really well.