daddy dearest

[madbutnormal]

I want to go to the father's day meal at dcs school but aibu? Dh died so I am mum a and dad. Can I claim father's day eat free meals too? Or just suck it up?

sezam - I tell DS I should get a present for fathers day as I do everything a Dad has as well but he isn;t convinced!

Its not really single parenting is it, its double parenting!

Kew - I like that Double Parenting! I'll have to use that myself!

It'll be nice on Sunday to give my ladies a pat on the back and enjoy my first father's day actually looking forward to it rather than dreading seeing all of those happy families!

But the norm now is for many children not to live with both their birth parents.

I find this statement so depressing. Why has this happened?

My dad wasn't around from when I was 8yrs old and any Father's Day reference didn't particularly bother me.

What I did find cringey was when children were encouraged to bring all their presents in on their birthday and display them to the school in assembly. Thankfully mine fell in the holidays, but I know that would've made me feel mightily embarrassed as my mother, as a single parent, was brassic and couldn't afford to buy much.

I just cannot get my head round Joysmums attitude to this. And I think Margotlovedtom says it all.

There is NOTHING to stop families celebrating exactly they wish, and all power to them, but surely to God if a child can't go to school without having his/her face unnecessarily rubbed in what's missing from their life then it's a sad day.

I really feel for your dilemma normal and I am SO sorry for your loss. If you feel equal to going then go...and let's hope it makes the school think twice about their crass insensitivity in the future.

Thanks for your reply Kewcumber.

I didn't know my father until I was 6. Thousands of children didn't know their fathers and the mothers were temporarily single parents.

Why? Because the fathers were abroad from 1939 to 1945 and some (mine) didn't get home until 1947.

I know it's not the same for today's single parents and I'm not going to dig a hole for myself only for it to get deeper.

and some mothers happy were permanently single parents as the fathers never came home.

Its why placing the ills of society at the feet of single mothers is misplaced as its obviously more to do with other aspects of modern society rather than straightforward single parent families.

OP you seem quite happy for the school to have a MD meal. what about those that don't have a mother?

OP didn;t say she was unhappy about a FD meal - just asked if she could go.

OK not going. Only as not one dad in Ds class can make it. Thanks for all comments.

You have really struck a cord with me, I lost my father when I was at Uni and tried to imagine how I would have felt at school.

Devastated is the answer.

Several years after I was with friends when they were both slagging their nt so Great fathers off. I was so upset I told them at least they had their fathers. I didn't mean to be cruel but I couldn't get my head around the pain. I had lost a wonderful father unfairly but try still had their crappy ones.

Personally I'd ask th school to make it family day. Or I'd ask your son what he would like. Would he prefer a day off and spend some quality time with you or remeber ing his father? Depends on how long ago.

An if the school complained about the time of I wouldst tough tits to them. They created this potentially devastating situation.

DD's school has a father's day meal, a mother's day meal, a parent's meal and grandparent's meal and something else I can't remember. Generally about 10-15 people turn up to each one. No-one seems to make a big deal of it...If someone from your family can come then great if they can't you are not alone..

Yes, go. Your sons would probably be very happy to have you there, and the school would almost certainly understand and accommodate it.

Sorry to hear about your loss. You sound lovely.