To expect him to pay?

[AtSea1979]

This is going to sound terrible I know but for some reason I feel it.
Went on first date with a guy last week, paid £20 babysitter, and met him for drinks, we both bought a round.
He told me he had a lovely time and would I like to go out for dinner next week, I said yes.
Tonight, I paid babysitter another £20, and went out for meal, when bill came I got my purse out to pay (total £55) my half but then he put £30 down and I was surprised he didn't tell me to put my purse away. Even though I would have said no and paid half I still feel like he should have paid the full.
I know they are my kids and my responsibility but I still wonder whether I want to date someone again who is so tight.
AIB completely U? (and date I say, sexist?) Or would others feel similar?

[treaclesoda]

Don't Put I agree wholeheartedly.

The irony of person A wanting person B to pay for their night out yet people accusing person B of being the tightarse has me

[BarbarianMum]

I think all the women on this thread who expect the man to pay should make that clear when accepting the invitation. That way both parties know where they stand and can run away act appropriately.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

is it 2014 ?? Really? Cannot believe some of the attitudes i.e. man should pay. With Treaclesoda re the irony.

[BolshierAyraStark]

Oh dear, YABVU-of course you should go halves, in all honesty the fact that your taking babysitter into account makes you sound a little tight, did he ask you about petrol/taxi fare?

[BolshierAyraStark]

you're tut

[fledermaus]

"I'll take you out for dinner" - I pay

"Do you want to go out for dinner next week?" - paying for ourselves

Of course, if someone says "Do you want to go out for dinner? How about Le Posho?" you can always say "oh that's a bit out of my price range" in which case they will either say "don't be silly, it's on me" or you can go to Pizza Hut instead.

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

Hang feminism!

This is the first few dates. He should be thinking wow she's gorgeous, I'd like to get to know her, impress her a little. Not bank breaking but just a bit of romance. If there's feck all romance now, you ain't making it up the aisle love.

Dump run move on

[HighwayDragon]

My dad tells me the story of his and my mums first date, tgey went for a pizza, mum insisted on paying half, he said he knew then she was a keeper

[ManchesterAunt]

Yanbu OP - it is petty and I couldn't date someone like that. What woowoo said - he invited you out, he should pay. You get the next dinner.

I wouldn't want to go through a relationship always paying "halvsies" - it would drive me bonkers.

[ChelsyHandy]

Maybe he doesn't think she's gorgeous Minnie. Maybe the OP is one if those women who has to impress more with her personality?

I wouldn't normally say something as harsh as that, but I must admit that's what I thought when ai read the OP.

If you're going to be the sort of woman who expects to be paid for, and assess men on how much they can buy you, surely you have to be pretty good looking, otherwise it doesn't add up. Alternatively, if you're moderate, you can go after men less on a par with you (older, physically unattractive) who have to do things like pay as their only option for attracting women.

[hennybeans]

YANBU. If I were out with friends I would absolutely split the bill, but dating is different. It's very unromantic to each pay for your own. I would expect my date to pay for the first and prob second date (although I would pay mine if he didn't offer of course). But then I would offer to pay in full for the the third date, or go for drinks after dinner that I paid for. Or perhaps invite him over and cook a nice dinner. Or maybe he buys dinner and I buy cinema tickets.
It's not that I would want a man to pay for everything, it just the the nitty gritty of discussing/ thinking about what is 'fair' is unromantic at the early stage.
Babysitting is your own cost, like if you got your hair done or he bought new clothes.

[expatinscotland]

Writer

I teach my children, a girl and a boy, that if they encounter a person like this, trying to take the piss on the first date, the only response is, 'That's too bad. Have a nice life!'

The OP's last boyfriend, that she was with 5 minutes ago and moved in with her kids and 5 minutes after her last partner, was a cocklodger, but instead of taking a break from dating and men to get some self-esteem and perspective, she's back for the next one.

[treaclesoda]

Romance and/or treating someone well does not equal spending money.

If I had the choice of a man who treated me as an equal, enjoyed spending time with me, we enjoyed talking to each other, shared a sense of humour, but he expected me to pay my half of the bill, or one who threw money round, showered me with presents but was overbearing and arrogant, I'd prefer the former.

Now clearly not all men who like to spend money on women are arrogant arseholes, but the problem with only going out with men who do like to take control is that you could miss out on meeting a wonderful man who just happens to view you as an adult, as his equal.

Obviously it's perfectly logical to run for the hills if a man asks you out, then announces he can't pay even his own half, like previous posters mentioned.

[pleaseaffixstamps]

I'd have expected him to pay, not because he's a bloke, but because he's the one who invited her for dinner - especially if he chose the restaurant. If she'd invited him and if she'd chosen the restaurant, I'd have expected her to pay.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Why didn't you offer to pay OP? And you call him tight.
Yabvvvu.

[redskyatnight]

Depends if he actually invited her for dinner or just suggested it as something they could do.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" means that the asker is paying, regardless of whether this is a date/meal out with friends/whatever

"Shall we go out for dinner?" implies a suggestion of something you could do together, would expect to split bill.

If you can't afford dinner (or half of it), the response to "shall we go out for dinner?" is to suggest something cheaper you can do together.

[fuckinglondonballs]

'A nice bloke will pay if he likes you (and you can't afford it)'

What about if HE can't afford it?! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm forgetting all men earn more than us pretty little ladies and our pwinces should pay.

Not!

What a load of shite on this thread.

[bigdeal]

i would like him to offer to pay , but would still pay my half tbh .

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Wow Minnie. Hang feminism? He should be trying to impress her? But she shouldn't be trying to impress him, clearly. You are unbelievable. Where on earth did your attitudes come from? You should be ashamed.

[fuckinglondonballs]

And if you women ask a girlfriend if they fancy dinner next week, do you pay for them?

[Mim78]

I think he should have paid. He asked op on a date. It's their first meal out together, he should make her feel special.

[AgaPanthers]

She put the money on the table, and she's complaining that he didn't tell her to put it away again.

[dottytablecloth]

About five minutes into my first date with (my now) dh I knew he was the one.

He paid for the first meal we had together, it was lovely and romantic and even now 16 years later I love thinking about it.

I maybe paid the next time we went out and many times since we have split the cost or whoever is feeling more flush will pay!

OP I don't think yabu for thinking it would have been nice for him to pay.

It would have been nice!

Having said that my first date with dh was when I was 18 and still at school so probably didn't have much money!

It depends on your circumstances maybe?

You are perfectly entitled to feel that he should have paid but that's not to say he was tight or mean for not paying!

I've probably made no sense!

[pleaseaffixstamps]

fuckinglondonballs ...yes? And then they take me out somewhere next time. It's kind of nice, and we both feel we are getting treated.