Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is quite cheeky for a manager to ask and ask in your help to write a piss off response?

59 replies

KateSpade · 04/06/2014 21:19

So, me again! - about the same bloody thing! Angry well similar,

ill try to keep this short and sweet, so today i received a response requesting a meeting with my boss, the HR Manager and the Health and Safety Manager, asking to be filled in on the response from my appointment with the Neurologist i am seeing next week! (for my epilepsy)

I have no idea why three of them have to attend. Well... The HR manager is attending on behalf of the HR director, who is the biggest knob head know to man, and tbh i think he is being made to go to make sure my boss is 'doing things right' - if that makes any sense?

Am i right in thinking thats rather cheeky or am i being overly sensitive?

also, please could you help me with a thanks, but no thanks response? telling her that is not necessary and she shouldn't be asking.

I could understand her needing to be constantly informed if it was a more serious illness/disability, however my epilepsy hasn't changed in the entire time i have had it.

AARRGHGH!

OP posts:
Original poster
KateSpade · 04/06/2014 21:19

*Known, sorry

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 04/06/2014 21:24

Well i guess if you see them all at once it will save you having to go over the same information with each one individually. If your epilepsy hasn't changed and there is nothing else to consider then it will be business as usual. I think they all have a valid reason for being at your meeting tbh. Information that has been passed on second hand has a habit of being distorted and growing arms and legs.

shockinglybadteacher · 04/06/2014 21:34

Kate, I didn't see your earlier response, sorry! Are you in a union? Because if you are (and even if it's USDAW) you need a rep along for a meeting like that.

In my organisation, HR would have the right to know (if the meeting had been requested by them and was with Occupational Health) but your boss would not. As for H&S, what. Health and Safety folk are informed about specific concerns afterwards if it's felt to be appropriate. They don't attend along with HR.

You might be wanting to have a chat with your boss informally about different needs and issues you might have as you have epilepsy. In which case I have no clue why HR or H&S have come along. Your boss can advise them afterwards.

If you could say more about your position I would understand better but this sounds bizarre to me. Are you in disciplinary proceedings, and are you in the public or private sector? The idea of your manager, an HR person and H&S attending a meeting simultaneously is fairly worrying and I don't blame you for resisting it.

QueenofallIsee · 04/06/2014 21:34

It sounds like massive overkill to me. I don't know much about epilepsy but I have been a manager of staff with the condition. I had to perform risk assessments for them with our Occupational Health team but I think I recall that you have been through that already?

All,

Many thanks for the meeting request. I am sure you can appreciate that details of my medical appointments are confidential and I have some right to privacy where my health is concerned. I understand that you have a duty of care to myself and other employees but considering we have done a recent risk assessment and you have recommended various adjustments already, I feel it more appropriate that I advise you as and when I am aware of changes to my condition rather than being required to brief you at each juncture.

Many thanks etc

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/06/2014 21:38

Hi.

The details of your appointment are between you and your neurologist and if they want info on that, then they need to request it formally.

As in, you need to sign to say that you agree to an occupational health Medical Report, which you are legally allowed to read before it gets sent to OH.

Original poster
KateSpade · 04/06/2014 21:47

Teacher i'm not in a union at all, and its probably a bit to join and get them to attend,

My boss herself has initiated this meeting, specifically because of the doctors appointment the day before - it is none of her business what my doctor says to me about my condition.
I'm not in any disciplinary proceedings, i work in a private sector in an office with 4 other permanent staff who sit near me.

I don't know if you remember that bloody rape alarm i had to wear, well i have told them i will only wear it when i am completely alone on site and will not wear it when i have a member of staff sat next to me. Which she accepted, i think that is very reasonable.

Queen yes i have had occy health, i have had risk assessments - everything you can think off. There is no other need for this except to find out what the doctor said - which is private!

Thank you for the response - i think i will email that out tomorrow, though i didn't reply to her today so i can image i will get a phone call....

OP posts:
shockinglybadteacher · 04/06/2014 22:15

Kate, in that case I would still say you are absolutely correct. Your boss has no entitlement at all to get you to tell her what your medical condition is at the moment and still less entitlement to bring in HR and H&S (wtf? I can imagine no situation where that would be appropriate).

I would put it something like this:

"Hi [boss x]. I understand that you want to speak to me about my recent medical appointment. As you can appreciate, medical issues are quite private and personal. If there are specific concerns about my performance or attendance, I would be happy to discuss these. I am however not prepared to share details of what I have discussed with my doctor with others as a matter of course.

Thank you,

Kate"

shockinglybadteacher · 04/06/2014 22:17

The last line is a bit bolshy, so rephrase as suits you :)

ChestyNut · 04/06/2014 22:26

I read your other thread about the alarm you had to wear.

You really need to join a union as they sound totally unreasonable and they can advise you correctly of your rights.

Original poster
KateSpade · 04/06/2014 22:29

yes, thank you that sounds good. Maybe i should ask if there is anything else she wants to talk about, because like you said she has no entitlement what so ever.

OP posts:
shockinglybadteacher · 04/06/2014 22:30

Totally agree with ChestyNut. Kate, if you PM me and tell me where you work, I can find out which union would represent you. You don't have to give details, just tell me the sector.

ChestyNut · 04/06/2014 22:36

If you joined and they insist on meeting, I believe you have the right to delay until union can attend.

no way would I go in alone to a meeting with manager, HR and H+S.

Joysmum · 04/06/2014 22:37

I'd just respond with an assurance that should your condition change and the risk assessment need updating as a result you'll be sure to advise at that point.

shockinglybadteacher · 04/06/2014 23:30

You do have the right to delay if union reps can't attend. However, it depends on your union if they will represent you if you join the union because you're in dispute.

sashh · 05/06/2014 06:33

How about

There is no need for a meeting as I am not going to disclose any private medical information to you.

I will discuss my work with the highly trained Dr and if (s)he has any information or advice about my working, or any need to change the way I work you will be informed in writing.

Writerwannabe83 · 05/06/2014 07:49

I remember your last post and the stupid rape alarm Grin

They have absolutely no right to be privy to discussions between you and your GP.

In all my employments I have seen OH about my epilepsy, risks and strategies were discussed and that was it. I never had to keep them updated about my appointments and tell them what had been said!! If anything changed in my circumstances I would obviously discuss it with them and OH but otherwise my health was my business.

If the meeting does go ahead, as you can't get a Union member then I'd demand that you have an advocate of some sort, somebody to sit in the meeting and just listen to what is being said - I know it means another person will hear about your medical issue but you never know how these things can turn out and how things can get twisted - you certainly don't want to be in a situation where it's your word versus the 3 of theirs!!

desertgirl · 05/06/2014 07:56

When I was diagnosed with epilepsy, my then boss wanted the whole dept to be trained on what to do if I had a seizure, for which purpose he thought I ought to have a mock one so it could be demonstrated.

As if.

Agree with you and others, none of their business.

Writerwannabe83 · 05/06/2014 07:59

A mock seizure??

I've heard it all now.....

Isn't dealing with seizures just basic First Aid and surely there should be a First Aider on site at all times?

Trying to make a spectacle of you was wrong on so many levels.....

desertgirl · 05/06/2014 08:12

Not in the UK (though he was English) and don't think we had first aiders then (we do now).

Told him first aid training was a great idea, especially as with his age and cigarette consumption he must be in a heart attack risk category so we should be sure to cover that. And emailed the team a link telling them what to do in the highly unlikely event of a seizure (which is not much, def. no need to practice!

He was inappropriate so often, in so many ways...!

ManchesterAunt · 05/06/2014 08:23

I would go, in person (do not email) and say you're unsure of what exactly the meeting is for. I would probably say outright that you're pretty sure he's breeching a few discriminatory legislations by demanding to know the conversations you are having with your doctor without reason.

You await a letter formally inviting you to attend a meeting, with the reasons detailed.

DO NOT GO TO THE MEETING. You will be browbeaten into divulging whatever you like as you don't want to make a fuss. Refuse to attend until they expressly tell you why.

And then fight that.

Have a read www.epilepsy.org.uk/sites/epilepsy/files/info/references/F101.01%20The%20UK%20equality%20laws%20and%20epilepsy%20Dec%2012.pdf

ManchesterAunt · 05/06/2014 08:24
  • I would go in person to your boss.
Melty · 05/06/2014 08:32

Absolutely.
Your managers job is to deal with absence related to illness. It's Occ Health's job to deal with sickness/illness or any consequences of such. And they should liaise with the manager re risk assessment if one needs doing. But it sounds like you have had that done already.
Rape alarm?? Jesus.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/06/2014 08:47

No no no no no - you don't wait for a formal letter to attend a meeting!

You respond with 'The details of my appointment are between me and my neurologist and if you want info on that, then you need to request it formally through an occupational health medical report'.

Original poster
KateSpade · 05/06/2014 11:08

That's awful desert what a twat he was!

Thankyou for all the response examples, I'm sure she will speak to me about it at some point today, she works on a different site, luckily for me as working near her would be a bloody nightmare!

I rang epilepsy action when they first implemented the alarm, and I was hoping there would be some kind of legislation against forcing me to wear it, but alas, no!

There are a few people who work at the same company who have disabilities, much worse than me having epilepsy, and they have never had any 'fuss' made about their condition as I have with mine, so I am not really sure why they are making such a fuss to be really honest!

I think I am going to send an email, if I get chance saying something along the lines of what you guys have said, that it isn't necessary, ect.

OP posts:
Lancashiregal10 · 05/06/2014 11:25

I have epilespy and you don't even have to disclose to employees you have it, never mind tell them what went on during a private doctors appointment.
Ring Acas if you are not in a union as they are brill. Also I am in unison and it costs me 6 quid a month. Well worth it as they have helped me on a lot of occasions when work have been funny about my epilepsy
It's funny as soon as you mention a union work tend to back off a bit