AIBU to think this is quite cheeky for a manager to ask and ask in your help to write a piss off response?

[KateSpade]

So, me again! - about the same bloody thing! well similar,

ill try to keep this short and sweet, so today i received a response requesting a meeting with my boss, the HR Manager and the Health and Safety Manager, asking to be filled in on the response from my appointment with the Neurologist i am seeing next week! (for my epilepsy)

I have no idea why three of them have to attend. Well... The HR manager is attending on behalf of the HR director, who is the biggest knob head know to man, and tbh i think he is being made to go to make sure my boss is 'doing things right' - if that makes any sense?

Am i right in thinking thats rather cheeky or am i being overly sensitive?

also, please could you help me with a thanks, but no thanks response? telling her that is not necessary and she shouldn't be asking.

I could understand her needing to be constantly informed if it was a more serious illness/disability, however my epilepsy hasn't changed in the entire time i have had it.

AARRGHGH!

Do you think they want to check you actually went to an appt and weren't skiving off?

How have work been funny with you if you don't kind me asking lancs

& no, Pantone as I have booked the day off as a holiday anyway!

We'll it that case it's none of their business!

No advice or experience OP but and on your behalf

Basically in a nutshell I was transferred from another organisation 2 years ago. It's exactually the same job I am doing. The organisation I used to work for was brill.
This organisation made it clear they didn't want me from the start, refuses to make ajustments and actually tried to dismiss me on sickness grounds twice, one of which I was 26 weeks pregnant.
Unison got involved and told them what they were doing was illegal. Thy backed down. I then went on mat leave and have just come back to work.
They are being nice but I am on my guard.
Because of his I now have a lot of knowledge re epilepsy in the workplace and what employers can and can't do. If you ever need advice please message me :)

Sorry for the spelling but I am awful with typing on a mobile

I know they're trying to force me out, with all the fuss & stuff they've put me through. & ive been told by the HR manager that it's all to do with the insurance & HR director is scared I'll have a fit & sue them, I've offered to sign paper work, ect saying I won't but that won't count apparently,

For me, this is just a stop gap job, until I find something else & when I do believe me, I will be giving all of them the finger!

I'm sure that the way the are treating you is against the disability discrimination act. I would join a union as even if it is too late for this dispute they will help in the future. I'd probably consult a solicitor about this as well.

Unions are not fire insurance. I agree with whatever5 that they will help you in the future but they may not help in the present.

My union has no rules about joining mid-dispute - indeed I have seen this a couple of times. We would, however, be fairly strict about people who join for the period of their dispute then leave afterwards. There's also an issue about crossing picket lines. I have seen members I was representing cross picket lines. I have told these members I will no longer represent them. They'll get represented at some time and some place, undoubtedly, but I don't have the time to represent scabs.

It's not a special kind of insurance you get by paying an extra few quid a month. The union may call you out, in which case you should go out. The union is also behind the scenes negotiating for you to be treated fairly, for you to be paid at least half decently, for health and safety to be respected, for loads of other things. It's not like the relationship you have with the NHS or with an insurance company.

If the HR manager has said that they are worried that you will sue them, make it quite clear to them that if they continue to harass you into divulging private medical details in what appears to be an effort to quit then you will most definitely be suing them for discrimination under the equality act and, if you are forced to quit then for constructive dismissal.

I don't know your backstory but it does sound all wrong. My sister has appointments with her neurologist as she is ttc and needs advice on managing her epilepsy and medication. What if that were you (not saying it is) -would they expect an update on this at the meeting?!

What your appointment is about is none of their business!

I'm sure that the way the are treating you is against the disability discrimination act.

Equality Act 2010.

OP document and record EVERYTHING. Rape alarm FFS, how fucking ridiculous is that?

Get familiar with the above Act of Parliament, and join a union asap.

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/15/section/15

How did they know you had an appointment? If you booked it as a holiday, then they don't need to know what you're doing on your day off.

I'd email them asking them to clarify the purpose of the meeting so you have a written record of their request. When they reply that it is to update them on the outcome of your appointment then reply saying that your medical appointments are private, as are all other staff members' appointments.

Don't offer information and don't enter into a big discussion. If they still want to pursue their meeting request, they have to make a valid and legal case for asking for such an update.

They knew because I told them in my defence! they kept asking me about my epilepsy and i used it to give me a bit of peace and quiet! like 'oh, I'm going to see the doctor soon so I'll ask him' instead of getting into a full discussion about it.

My fits are 90% nocturnal! but I did have one in the garden a couple of years ago and ended up with a quite visible scar on my forehead! I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by the scar or even having epilepsy but the conversations went something like this

'Why do you have a scar on your head?'
Me 'I hit my head on a brick'
'You had a fit didn't you, bloody hell - I knew it, please leave the room whilst I discuss with HR director what we should do with you'

• honestly!

Up until now I have dealt with the situation quite naively, but that was because I would never have thought they would suspend me because of it/make me wear a rape alarm!

I think I have decided what I am going to say when they ask - I am firstly going to say that he/she is having a look at my notes - giving them no actual information, then if they request another meeting I am going to say it is none of their business and tell them to respect my privacy!

"I hit my head on a brick" - I'm sorry kate, but that really made me laugh. It's not funny in know, but what a funny response.

I once battered my face after a nasty seizure I'd had when I was 17. When I returned to college I still had yellow and blue bruising with residual grazes and I got so fed up of people asking me how I did it that I told them my boyfriend had beaten me up. I just wanted to shock them into silence

I was sat outside having a fag and had a fit, and it was either a brick, or the bottom of a door frame, you know the plastic bit, however I couldn't see how a plastic ledge could could cause that much damage, oh my god, I have never been in so much pain! They also had to shave my eyebrow off!

I bet your boyfriend loved you!

Do you mind me asking if you drive writer

I'd say 'what meeting? I was on leave at the beach'.

I do drive - it took me 8 years of stopping and starting lessons to finally get my licence though.

I kept getting my provisional licence, having lessons but then having to send it back because I'd had another seizure - it went on for ever!

Once I had a seizure 2 weeks before my actual driving test, I was gutted!!

I must have spent thousands on lessons over the course of those years.

I finally got my licence in April 2010 aged 27

What they are doing is total discrimination. You really need to talk to Acas. You are def covered by the DDA.

You need legal advice. I get the feeling that each individual action is just hovering on the line of ok/ discriminatory, but together a pattern of discrimation is clear.

You mention you've had an OH meeting - how was that? They should have given a report, sent to you first, then to your company. This should have all they need to understand your condition - and I suspect by asking for more and more and more, they are discriminating.

Re this meeting, I would email one of the emails others have suggested... But with the addition of something like the below (softened if necessary!)

'please circulate an agenda and objectives for the meeting you propose.

I am unsure how much more I can help you to come to terms with my disability. I have made every effort to help educate and inform you / team etc. i have attended x meeting and have been through an OH assessment and the report has been circulated.

I do have a right to privacy, just as everyone does, whether they are disabled or non disabled, and i would ask that you respect my right to privacy. I have been very open about my condition and in helping you identify and action reasonable adjustments. I am concerned about the repeated requests for updates and information, as my medical condition has not changed, nor is likely to.

My disability has had no impact on my abilities to do the job, and has led to no sick days / etc. With that context I am unsure as to why you would need repeated updates and information?

Finally, I would draw your attention to the fact that I took a days holiday on xday, and didn't ask or use any sick or medical leave.

YANBU, your HR Director sounds awful.

As a PP suggested, I think legal advice and/or ACAS is the way forward.

Oh and when getting legal advice, give them a timeline of all events, from meetings to 'off' comments - its the accumulative effect that shows how nasty and ignorant they are being.

Btw I am disabled and went through a pretty awful situation with my work. I found the best way to deal with it is to get fully informed and show them you know the law, and nicely but firmly show them that they don't get to call the shots on this issue. My work were driven by ignorance and fear, and it changed suddenly, I suspect after they realised I wasn't going to go away just because I'd become disabled.

I found going through the OH process really helped.

I feel I should add that now my work are trying really hard to make things work with my substantial disability. I felt a bit disloyal not finishing off with that!

The HR director is awful alpaca

Thanks misc that is a good response, and the OH was just a phone call & I didn't get a copy of the report!

I think I am going to try & see a solicitor next week and will be ringing ACAS on Monday!

I just read desertgirl's mock seizure post.

I had a boss that actually did that to us once. We took a first aid training class, and then all through the following week he set up mock emergencies.

Well we worked in a theatre, and the day he did a mock seizure we had a troupe of actors on site. The boss smugly warned me to make sure none of them called 911 before he went for it. They didn't try to dial 911. Instead, they stood around and offered acting suggestions. Needless to say, that was the end of the fake emergencies.