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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get in touch with SS as I just cannot cope with DS anymore?

29 replies

dripty · 04/06/2014 19:41

That's it really.
Have had to take ADs over the years but came off them finally a couple of years ago.
DS1 has been diagnosed with ASD and his behaviour is becoming so bad that I fear I might have to return to the ADs.
I just feel so ground down and am seriously thinking of contacting SS. Not sure what I think they can do but I am ready to pack my bags and go in order to save what little sanity I have left.

OP posts:

bunchoffives · 04/06/2014 19:43

Ah dripty hang on in there.

What's DS doing?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/06/2014 19:47

Do contact SS.

They can give you a carers assessment with a view to providing support.

callamia · 04/06/2014 19:48

If you need help, ask for it.
Would the Children with Disabilities team help? How old is your son? Is there any help available from somewhere like the National Autistic Society? Sorry for all the questions, I appreciate that you're feeling worn out.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/06/2014 19:56

Yes contact the children with disabilities team for an assessment, they will help with respite and other things. I have fir dd age 7, who has ASD. Is your ds in a specialist school. Sounds like how my dd was aged 5 before she went to a fantastic Autistic school, nit only do they work on the academic side, but behaviour too. Plus because she was in a much calmer environment, her behaviour calmed down so much and she is so much better, I am really enjoying her now.

Original poster

dripty · 04/06/2014 19:56

Well he's only been out of the house 3 times in the past few weeks.
1st time he vandalised a car a few doors down
2nd time he managed to smash a window( ours luckily)
3rd time he drew inappropriate graffiti on a neighbours wall.
Today he wrote some vile stuff on FB attacking some boy he used to go to school with. His parents called the police, obviously .
His younger siblings see him behaving this way and are starting to copy.
I really wanted this to be a fresh start but the neighbours here are starting to get pissed off too.
I really can feel the depression rolling back and I thought I had it beat but DS is going to send me to an early grave at this rate.

OP posts:

Original poster

dripty · 04/06/2014 19:58

He is 13.
Had 11 years of this now.

OP posts:

Objection · 04/06/2014 19:59

How old are your kids, OP?

theeternalstudent · 04/06/2014 20:00

Have you had a google to see what services are in your area? Even if you call SS to see if they can refer you to another agency where you can get some support and guidance.

I hope you get the support you need. Good luck

callamia · 04/06/2014 20:02

Is he not at school? Any help from local Ed psych or camhs?

I'm sorry that this is such a tough time. I hope you DO get some useful help.

bunchoffives · 04/06/2014 20:07

Do the NDNs and other parents know your DS has ASD?

I know it's easy to say, but try to take a step back. Also agree re contacting SS in the morning to investigate some extra help/respite. Is he taking any meds? Do they need increasing as he grows?

sunshinecity17 · 04/06/2014 20:08

It does sound hard.I am sorry not to be able to give you advice, but I do hope you can access some support.

bochead · 04/06/2014 20:18

www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/ These guys know their stuff and are worth contacting.

Contact a family are also good for helping access acute support.

IPSEA - are your go to guys for educational support again they have a really good helpline where you can ask about accessing support at school (or home if he's unable to attend right now).

www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/page/what_we_do/training/training_programme.cfm This lot know their stuff - worth giving a ring.

www.coursera.org/course/behaviorprinciples You may pick up some tips from this free course. (Or at least learn how to record the problem behaviors in a format that professionals take seriously).

Waltonswatcher1 · 04/06/2014 20:19

Bless you op . So sorry this is happening .
Seek out help- not just for you but for the others too .

Canthisonebeused · 04/06/2014 20:24

I think you would be better going to GP asking for CAHMS referral and also talk to school.

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 04/06/2014 20:40

Has he had an assessment of need from social care, he's entitled to one. And a carers assessment for you? So sorry things are so hard at the moment x

Kleinzeit · 04/06/2014 20:54

YANBU. No guarantees but SS might be able to help, especially if you are open about your own issues with depression as well as your DS's dsiability and the behaviour problems that go with it. At least you should be entitled to an assessment of your family's needs

Original poster

dripty · 04/06/2014 21:49

Thanks for replies.
He was diagnosed in 2008 after numerous incidents at school, usually to do with aggression.
He is academically very bright and in the top set at secondary school which is mainstream.
He has been excluded 3 times since September due to aggression and has already earned himself a bad boy label there.
They have agreed to me involving MAT but its grindingly slow progress and our meeting is not till next month.
He is not allowed to go on any school trips and has to sit at a table in lessons by himself. He very rarely goes outside during lunch as the school feels he cannot be trusted so has to eat his lunch in the form room with whichever teacher is available.
Basicay his social skills are non existent and he causes problems whenever in a social situation. He thus spends the majority of his time in school or in the house which is so sad.
The school want us to get another diagnosis as they feel his existing diagnosis is out of date. So it looks like the three years I spent getting an original diagnosis will have to be repeated.

OP posts:

fatlazymummy · 04/06/2014 23:10

Hi OP, my daughter is 14 , has ASD ,and was behaving very similar to your son. She was violent, constantly attacking myself (I have several scars to prove it), her teachers , her brother and even other learners, also throwing things, head butting, she broke 2 TVs, laptops, etc.
I had to go to my GP and ask for a referral to see the child psychiatrist. She eventually was seen, and was prescribed medication (respiridone), it has made a massive difference to her behaviour. Her violence has decreased by about 75%, but most importantly, she actually seems happy again rather than constantly anxious and angry.
If you don't find SS helpful (and I didn't, because they couldn't really address the problem) then go and see your gp. It might also help to discuss it with the school. My daughters teachers couldn't have been more helpful, but it is a special school.
You (and your son) don't have to put up with this. There is help for him, and it's just a matter of finding out what is the right treatment for him.

Fideliney · 05/06/2014 00:47

Have you ever had a Carer's assessment?

Have you spoken to Contact a Family or NAS ?

OneInEight · 05/06/2014 06:54

There are organisations that might be able to help as well as SS. Spurgeons and Youth Targeting Support for starters. We do get some respite from SS but did have to scream very loudly. Does your son have a statement - we found a big improvement in behaviour at home when ds1's needs were finally met at school (his profile is similar to your sons). NAS run an anger management course for parents which offers tips on how to pre-empt and diffuse situations which was useful. "The Explosive Child" is a good book to read for advice.

springydaffs · 05/06/2014 07:13

Really feel for you, OP. some good advice on here, I hope you get something sorted quickly xx

Hurr1cane · 05/06/2014 07:37

What area are you in OP? If you're in the north west I can sign post you and you can inbox me. If not there's a group on Facebook called 'love autism' if you join that it's the national group and someone may be able to signpost you from there

Lancashiregal10 · 05/06/2014 18:37

I really feel for you OP.
Please do what you have to do to get the help you need

Whatisaweekend · 05/06/2014 18:53

I am so so sorry - it sounds like you have had the most horrendous time. I have nothing to contribute to your son's situ but I do wonder if you need to view AD's in such a negative light. My dsis has been on them for years and will probably remain on them. They don't make her weirdly happy or anything - just more able to cope with the slings and arrows iykwim. I don't think you should worry - if you need them, you need them. Diabetics need insulin, people with high cholesterol need statins, someone with a broke leg will need a crutch. This is no different. Be gentle with yourself and take the help you need. You can always get rid down the line. If you are feeling stronger in yourself, then you will be more able to face up to what your ds needs.

ICanSeeTheSun · 05/06/2014 20:22

Post in special needs, have had a lot of support.

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