to think you shouldn't get a full night's sleep if you have newborn quads

[ReputableBiscuit]

This thing on ITV about Quads - the dad sleeps all night every night, while the mum and Grandma get 2 hours sleep a night in between feeding 4 babies. He's taking the piss, right? Apparently it's because he has to work in the morning. In sales, btw, not brain surgery.

[SoonToBeSix]

All the posters saying he needs sleep to function at his job you do know you need sleep to lucky after babies don't you? With multiples you can't just " nap when the baby sleeps" .

[SoonToBeSix]

No wind my response would be welcome to motherhood. Only joking I would still say it should be equal. You created the baby together you look after the baby together.

[whynowblowwind]

It's not equal if one is at work the next day and the other isn't :)

To be honest I think quads are such a unique thing, really, that whatever they do to ensure it works for them as a family is fine.

I don't know how I'd cope with multiples. I am breast feeding so obviously do all feeds. DS was bottle fed from being a few weeks old though (I was not a good mother ) and I did the might feeds mostly, I think, although DH did the early morning one to let me have a sleep!

[balenciaga]

Exactly soontobesix ....mums of ONE baby don't get to rest in the day let alone mums of multiples Ffs

My choice of language may have been harsh but it irritated the fuck out of me seeing him toddling off to bed while his dw and mil did the night shift every night

(Disclaimer: My view may also be coloured by the fact I have a new baby too and and would want to kill dh if he did same)

[melissa83]

Im having 2 weeks maternity but will still be up every night, as I was when I did the same last time. There is no way I would be sleeping 12-6 as I wouldnt make dh do every night as its not nice and its no hardship to me to do some of it.

[melissa83]

Whynow - Once you have lots of children if you work ful time it will be rare to have more than 12- 6 as a nights sleep. Im pregnant again and still working full time, and with the other children I very rarely have more sleep than that or dh doesnt. If you do 7-7 work with commute then everything with the children then both of you wont be getting more than that until they grow up ime.

[Randomnessesses]

I think the wife should be going to bed 7 - 12 pm to get some un token sleep in as there's no way she can sustain 2 hours of sleep a night

[Randomnessesses]

I think unbroken sleep is only essential if he commutes or drives long distances for work or he is a brain surgeon.

Everyone saying 'oh but he needs his sleep not to loose his job', when in fact she needs her sleep not to slip in to awful postnatal depression. 2 hours of sleep is a total brain fuk and could put her mentally on the edge

[melissa83]

I think people should come off it if they think a female breadwinner would do this. I dont know any that would.

[PrincessBabyCat]

DH works and his sleep comes before mine so he's awake and alert while he's on the job. When he's ready to sleep I take over. But I do remember how fair he is about it on his days off when he wants to sleep in.

Actually... He's really fair about it. He gets a few hours to unwind after work and then I hand the baby off to him for a while.

That said, it's a TV show. They're being paid to sell a story and market themselves as something people will watch. All three people pitching in equally with harmony and less struggle doesn't really sell a story about how hard 4 babies at once are. :)

[frostyfingers]

I can't believe the hard time the dad is being given here. It seemed to me that he wasn't just swanning off to bed and leaving his wife and in-laws to do it all - there was talk of emptying the dishwasher at 3am so he was obviously up during the night. He also mentioned that when he took over for the weekends he found it exhausting and looked forward to going back to work for a rest - I think he was well aware of how hard it was and was doing what he could whilst still being with it enough to work.

If he didn't work then there would be no income....I had prem twins and my DH was reluctant to go back to work for a while as he felt it unfair, but when I said that we needed him to work and his work was providing for us all he got it. He always gave me a quick break for a bath/rest when he got in from work, and took over the majority of care for the weekends, took them out for a couple of hours on a Sunday morning and generally worked as hard at home as in the office. He was as knackered as I was.

It works for them, why should we judge?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yabvvu dh and I were the same. I would get up in the night mostly for dcs, whilst dh slept, he is the main earner, and we rely on his income, if he can't do his job well then he will loose it, along with our stability.

[MorningTimes]

I think it is sensible that the person who works gets some sleep. When our twins were born, I did the nights from Sun-Thursday and DH did Friday & Sat nights so that I could get done interrupted sleep. When we had more of a routine, he did the 10.30pm feed so that I could go to bed early - that meant he was usually in bed by midnight so he got 7 hours sleep.

We also had a 2 year old who woke sometimes so there were some long nights. I still wouldn't have thought if was fair expect DH to get up during the week though. We would still have both been exhausted for a start so he couldn't have taken over at weekends then. Also, going out to work, having to chat to clients, look fairly presentable, concentrate without making mistakes, driving safely.. All those things are hard to do when sleep deprived.

As I was at home, at least I could stay in my pyjamas all day, not have to make conversation with anyone, sleep when the babies were sleeping (they did cross over quite a lot as newborns sleep often).

The DH of the quads needs to work and keep his job - they have four children and building work to pay for! I thought both parents were doing a great job and it is am arrangement that obviously works for them.

[Fleta]

My then DH didn't get up once during the night.

I was solely breastfeeding - I mean sure, I could have insisted he got up and maybe rubbed my feet, fanned me with a large leaf, and you know what he would have done.

But IMO it was far, FAR more important that he was able to get up and do his job (company director) on a good night's sleep. In return at weekends he gave my a lie in as long as I wanted.

You cannot possible criticise another family for doing what works for them.

It isn't about patriarchy - its about choosing the way we did things to work for us

[EvilHerbivore]

My DP does the night shifts while I get some sleep, did half of them for DS1 and does 99% of them for DS2, he can function quite easily on little sleep ad naturally stays up until the early hours anyway whereas I do not!

We both work (him days, me evenings) so we both do time with the DCs too, (me all day, him dinner and bedtime) and to reiterate everybody else, it works for us!

I can imagine very very few people know what its really like having four babies and how their family and routines would change to adapt, they seem to be working it in a way that is best for them so good on them!

[SoonToBeSix]

Morning what if the mother is driving her baby/ babies to a baby group she needs to be alert too.

[MorningTimes]

soontobe - If the person staying at home is so sleep deprived that they don't feel safe to drive to a baby group, then they can stay at home, or walk. Someone with a daily drive to work doesn't have the option of just staying at home that day.

Knowing how tiring a night with young twins is, I really wouldn't want my DH driving on busy roads the next day, especially on dark winter mornings. Not just for his sake but also for the safety of other people!!

[BauerTime]

If im honest, at first i did think it was a bit off that he toddled off to bed 'as he had to go to work'. I imagine that 4 babies on a 4 hourly feeding schedule is much more demanding than any job. HOWEVER, after giving it more thought I realised that i have absolutely no idea what it is like to have quads and i have no idea how you could make it 'fair'. They struggled through an incredibly difficult time and i reckon they just had to work out a way through and get on with it.

As the programme went on you saw that the dad did loads actually, including cooking dinner at 6am just so they could all eat. He looked like he was on the go as much as the females and just because he wasn't as hands on during the night as his wife or MIL doesn't mean he wasn't doing his share.

Fair play to them all, i dont think id have got through that.

[SoonToBeSix]

Ok morning I have premature twins they have hospital appointment they are too far to walk public transport is not an option and far too far away and expensive to get a taxi.

[SoonToBeSix]

Bauer 6am is a normal time to get up though so don't see him making dinner as a big deal. I just think he is selfish and I appreciate my dh even more.

[ShadowFall]

I recorded this and haven't got round to watching this yet, so can't really comment on how much the dad is doing to help - but - I'm not seeing how it's all that unfair that he should get more sleep when he's got work the next day.

If he loses his job and the family lose their income because he's up every night and too tired to function properly at work, surely that's going to be worse for his family in the long run than his wife and the grandma doing all the night feeds now?

[indigo18]

I don't think the name calling is deserved at all. they had a system which was working, in no small part due to the amazing grandma - who never seemed to have time to get out of her dressing gown. Big respect to that lady! The Dad was cooking for everyone (it looked very tasty too), and doing his best with childcare as well as going to work to provide for them and get the house extended. When our DT were tiny, DH would wake with me in the night and change nappies and made endless tea for me, but when they were 3 months he went abroad to work and I was left alone. I did not resent that he had the freedom to travel and sleep; he was doing what was required for our family.

[Davsmum]

I think some Mums just resent the fact their DH or DP gets to 'escape'! BUT it IS work.
A man cannot risk losing his job by doing exactly the same amount as his wife if she is at home all day. So long as he is doing as much as he can when he is there - then I see no wrong in him getting enough sleep to keep his job.

[defineme]

I had twins as a sahm and dh didn't get up in the night except on the odd occasion they both had a dirty nappy or something. I breastfed so all I did was pick them up and feed them-not much for him to do really.
what did help was when I started giving them a formula feed in the evening which dh did so I then went to bed at 7pm and slept til the next feed.

[SoonToBeSix]

Don't get me started on the grandma I felt really sorry for her doing all the night feeds. I know she wanted to but still.