To not want to go to wedding without ds

[BettyBoo246]

My dh is best man at his friends wedding in 3 weeks time. We have a 8 mo ds. He has just spoken to his bf (groom) who has now said there is no child/baby policy at the ceremony.
This is obviously their choice - I have said therefore if my ds is not invited then I will not be attending. My dh now thinks I'm being mardy and bitter! Yes it has upset me that they have only just told us this rule after a year and that they think I can't control my ds, but I do understand it's their big day.
My dmil is already looking after ds when it's the meal/speeches etc and then for part of the night do etc so I don't really want to put on her anymore. Aibu to say if my ds is not coming neither am I?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yabu but to be honest it seems like you not attending is best for everyone.

[BettyBoo246]

My mil is 68 years old I really think asking her to have him from 11am through till the next day is too much, of course she'll say yes but I will feel like WE are taking advantage.
I am 35 FYI lol
How am I a nightmare and martyr? I've said during the ceremony me and ds can sit outside or have a walk for an hour and then return when they come out for photos etc

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Well if she went then she wouldn't be able to moan about her husband or the fact that she never gets to go out.

Some people just like to martyr themselves so everyone else looks bad when in fact there was an easy solution and the wedding couple were quite within their rights to want a child free wedding.

[CoffeeTea103]

So if you have such a low opinion of men, why did you marry one? How horrible of you to judge your own son then?
Seriously don't go, looks like you will spoil it for your DH and people around you anyway. Your poor DH, you sound like a pita person to be around.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

Hang on why should dh get to party the night away but I have to leave early? It's mine and his baby we are both responsible for ds, it's my friends wedding as we as is, I disagree that I come home and he gets to stay! Like I say he will have just come back from a weeks holiday in Spain.

Are you serious?

It's one night, surely your DH can spent one night with the groom at his wedding what with being best man which is an honour. You are not best man, he is and with that comes responsibilities. You sound like a spoilt child tbh. Why put a downer on it because you can't get your own way. Either find a babysitter or bring DS to the evening do (he will end up asleep in his pram) or leave early with DS and let DH stay as after all he is best man.

You are making it hard for everyone because you can't get your own way.

I want to stay and because I can't he can't so I am going to stamp my feet till I get my own way and he leaves with me, best man or not!

Unbelievable really.

[Bearbehind]

How am I a nightmare and martyr? I've said during the ceremony me and ds can sit outside or have a walk for an hour and then return when they come out for photos etc

FFS you have been invited to the ceremony but your son hasn't. You can't just bring him along and pick and choose which bits you attend

[SuperFlyHigh]

OP - I don't have kids and not married (2 big flames there) but have been at child free and child welcome weddings (with babies etc).

One baby did start crying during the service (had to be taken out by mum), another was quiet/asleep etc. I'm not saying there was less or more stress at the weddings with babies being or not being there but I do think it can add to the stress - especially at the service.

but at 8 months old you don't know what your child will be up to. If I were a bride I maybe just a bit on edge willing the babies there not to cry.

and your son's not invited. Its not personal it's just their choice. leave him with MIL and/or arrange childcare before/after.

[SamG76]

BB246 - I thought YWNBU, until the suit and the 7.30 bed time were mentioned. Now YABU. We took our kids everywhere as babies (weddings, funerals, etc) but never dressed them up.

[BettyBoo246]

Well it's cloudy really - the invite did not say me dh and baby or child but at that time I was pregnant with ds, but I do distinctly remember having conversations with them about being excited for taking ds to the wedding being in suit etc etc and they said nothing! Now 3 weeks prior they none are allowed.

[WooWooOwl]

Is there something wrong with your DH wanting to enjoy his close fiends wedding to its fullest, especially considering he's best man?

If you're that worried about your MIL, use child are while you work.

Maybe your DH isn't worried about it because he M&S his mum will be happy to have the weekend with her grandson, and because he's committed himself to being around that weekend to be a best man.

I was a bridesmaid recently, I'd have felt like a complete rude bitch telling the bride and groom that I could only be at half of their wedding because my DH wanted to control my every move to fit in with what he thought was best.

You're making excuses, badly. Go or don't go, but your child isn't welcome until the evening, so no, you can't go for a walk during the ceremony and then slide him in for the photos. That is not an option. And if you don't go, then don't kid yourself that you're doing the kind thing for your mil. Accept that you want to be in control and are stroppy because you can't be.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Sam don't you know - babies are new must have accessory like toy dogs to be dressed up in costumes?! JOKE

[SuperFlyHigh]

Actually OP - I do think although YABU so are B&G in not mentioning this 3 weeks earlier when you mentioned the suit, excitement etc.

I'd be pissed off if they didn't mention it either.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

How am I a nightmare and martyr? I've said during the ceremony me and ds can sit outside or have a walk for an hour and then return when they come out for photos etc

You are being a nightmare and martyr! No kids so what's the point of taking him stomping about huffy outside making everyone feel uncomfortable. You do realise if you turn up with him and do this you will look silly.

They have asked for no kids so respect their wishes instead of turning up with your kid and missing the ceremony. Why would you even go and miss the ceremony? What's the point

[Bearbehind]

They've said children are welcome at night- that's not cloudy- it just doesn't suit you- there is a massive difference.

[FatalCabbage]

Why does DH get to stay and you don't? Because he's the best man.

We're in a similar "who takes the DC out if they're noisy/to bed if they get tired" situation at two weddings this summer. Wedding one, DH's sister, he stays to party and I go. Wedding two, my cousin, I stay to party and he goes outside. Obviously. Nothing to do with genitals.

[LtEveDallas]

Why does OP sound like a PITA?

She agrees it's B&Gs choice, is happy that it's their big day.

Her DH is being a dick.

She's worried about her DMIL.

She's offered to miss the ceremony.

Her DH is still being a dick.

She's suggested they don't hang one on in the evening to give her DMIL a break.

Her DH is stil being a dick.

She's disappointed that she cannot take her DS in his nice new suit, bought before the B&G changed their minds.

DH is about to go away on the piss for 7 days leaving her with DS, but is being a dick about leaving yet another piss-up early a week later.

Why is it that OP is considered UR here?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

How is your MIL ok to look after Ds while you work but not while you go to the wedding.

Come 4:00 all she has to do is tea bath and bed. Not hard. It's really only an extra couple of hours then evening is all hers. Sure she can manage a bottle and some toast in the morning without keeling over.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Of she was worried about her MiL she'd use child care

She wants to prove a point here. Husband sounds crap but she is choosing to martyr herself for emphasis

[BettyBoo246]

My days! Seriously my dh goes out at least every other weekend with his friends on a night out also goes out every other Sunday for his sporting hobby, also goes out twice a week in the evenings for pool and football, I'm definitely not stamping my feet and nor cracking the whip. We are both invited so we both go together / leave together! So because I've said I will sit out the ceremony part so as not to take advantage of my mil and then return after it I'm being all of the above things???? Petty, childish, martyr, nightmare. I live in the real world, if I were to tell dh that his mil was going to have our ds for a 2 nights so we could go on one big bender he would be booking the taxi's before I could finish the sentence, that's all I'm saying, women tend to worry more than men FACT

[KEGirlOnFire]

I struggle to understand this to be honest.

We said no DCs at our wedding apart from my two DNieces who were bridesmaids.

I didn't want our memories of our ceremony to be of screaming children. I have a DD now and would never have taken her to a wedding when she was younger, it's not fair on the bride and groom. I would also not be offended now if we went to a wedding where children were not invited. It's not a day for children.

YABU

[LtEveDallas]

but she is choosing to martyr herself for emphasis

Why use such emotive words?

She doesn't want to leave her DS with her DMIL for longer than she has to.

What part of that is martyring herself?

[BettyBoo246]

Thank you LtEveDallas

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

The reason LtEve that people are saying that the OP is being a PITA is because it is coming across as wanting her cake and eating it.

She doesn't want to leave da to go t

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

Sorry posted to early...

She doesn't want to leave ds to go the cerem

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

T