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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8 year old DD cycling home with 10 year old DS

56 replies

redskyatnight · 02/06/2014 21:39

10 year old DS has been cycling home from school (on his own or with a friend) since last September. The route is through a residential area with few roads to cross (no main roads). The route is all on off-road cycle paths except the very last bit up to our house, where he tends to cycle on the pavement.

8 year old DD normally goes home with a neighbour.

One day next week the neighbour can't collect DD. A friend who often collects is also busy. DH (who works at home and normally will pop out for stuff like this) has a very important call at school run time (his words) and can't either.

DH thinks we should just let DD cycle home with DS. I am slightly uneasy about this, but not sure why except that she has never done it before and we wouldn't let DS do it until he was older. She is sensible and used to cycling the route; DS has a mobile phone if necessary.

So AIBU (or WIBU rather) to let DD come home with DS without an adult?

OP posts:

PeachandRaspberry · 02/06/2014 21:41

I'd do a few practice runs and judge it from there.

MrsWinnibago · 02/06/2014 22:08

No you shouldn't allow this. I cycle daily to school with my DD aged 9 and no way would I allow her to go...even with another child.

Purpleroxy · 02/06/2014 22:12

Our school would not dismiss an 8yo into the care of a 10yo or into the care of nobody. So no, don't do it IMO.

Original poster

redskyatnight · 03/06/2014 09:29

Those who say "no" - why? (genuine question - DH thinks it's fine, I'm not sure and can't say why I think this).

The school will release younger siblings into older siblings' care if a parent gives permission. There are lots of Y5/Y6 children who walk home with younger siblings. I'd be fine with them walking a short distance - but not so sure about cycling for a mile and a bit (sorry missed out distance from OP).

OP posts:

WanderingAway · 03/06/2014 09:32

My dd has been walking to school by herself or with a friend since she was about 8. It is a 10/15 min walk with one main road to cross.

I would let your dc come home together on their bikes.

fledermaus · 03/06/2014 09:33

I would let them.

5madthings · 03/06/2014 09:39

I would let them, can you do the route with them just to go over it with them.

My 9yr old cycles two miles home on his own sometimes after clubs or if his younger sibling is poorly and so I am not doing the school run.

My concern would be how well the siblings get on ie are they likely to fight or be silly together?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 03/06/2014 09:40

Is she used to cycling?

Has she cycled that far before?

5madthings · 03/06/2014 09:41

Oh and our school allow them to go home on their own from yr 4 if agreed by parent and will let younger ones go with an older sibling, even reception age children can go home with older siblings, though it's generally yr 6 pupils who take home ones that little or older siblings from the nearby high school who come and collect them.

500smiles · 03/06/2014 09:44

DD and her friend (both 10yo) walk home with friends 8yo sister quite regularly, the age isn't a problem as they are sensible.

Original poster

redskyatnight · 03/06/2014 09:53

They are both used to cycling and both cycle to school regularly and have done so since DS started there 3 years ago (DD always with an adult, DS with an adult up to last September). So they know the route very well . I have no issue with them cyling the route - just the doing so without an adult aspect.

OP posts:

Nocomet · 03/06/2014 09:56

Yes, if it's a safe route and your 8y can be trusted to cross the roads and cycle carefully themselves.

You can't expect a 10y to 'look after' another child, only be company.

DaVinciNight · 03/06/2014 10:32

Then yes I would let them.
Actually I have left my two dcs do similar things too.

Birdsgottafly · 03/06/2014 10:41

The cycling is neither here or there.

Is your DS sensible enough to supervise her and also see himself as looking after her.

Will he show off infront of his friend and ride away from her, tease her etc?

It depends on their relationship.

Trial runs are needed and a plan, if he loses her (she gets off and walks), or she falls off her bike etc.

KEGirlOnFire · 03/06/2014 10:41

I'm surprised about the rules from schools about walking home. My DNiece walks home on her own all the time and she's 8. She started doing it when they moved about 6 months ago and now live about 15 minutes walk from the school.

Birdsgottafly · 03/06/2014 10:42

Just to add where I live you couldn't allow it, the right year old would have her bike stolen from her, without an adult present.

Original poster

redskyatnight · 03/06/2014 11:00

They do walk to the corner shop (5 minutes away) together atm. I think DS would be sensible - he is very good about looking out for her at school if needed. Friend occasionally goes with his younger sister (who is 9) so they are used to having a younger one tagging along iyswim.

Take the point about area specific - they have a nice quiet residential area to go through (which is full of other children walking/cycling to and from both their school and another school nearby).

OP posts:

MrsWinnibago · 03/06/2014 11:13

A mile is too far. My friend was knocked off her bike while in the care of her brother...she was ten and broke her fimur. He was cycling ahead and crossed the road without looking to see if she was with him...she was further away and rushed to keep up without seeing a car had come along. Children can;t judge the speed of oncoming traffic until they are 14 years old. Certainly not ten or eight. I say this as a regular cyclist...my childre ride daily with me or other adults. They are 6 and 9.

LikeTheShoes · 03/06/2014 11:34

Is your DH going to be at home when they get back?

If you DS is responsible I'd say go for it.

Original poster

redskyatnight · 03/06/2014 14:17

DH will be home when they get back (and we have a "if you're not home by x time I will assume something has happened to you rule in place).

OP posts:

MrsWinnibago · 03/06/2014 14:55

You know it's your call. I wouldn't do it myself as spending every day cycling slightly more than a mile to and from school I see first hand what twats many car drivers are. Some don't look, others don't care even if they DO look...I also see the risks my children would take if I weren't there to stop them.

Contraryish · 03/06/2014 15:05

I have a 10 year old son and an 8 year old daughter and this would make me very nervous indeed. Partly that is a function of their relationship (not always the smoothest!) and partly of their age.

rowna · 03/06/2014 15:40

I don't think we could if we wanted to here - not allowed to go home at that age without an adult or much older sibling. I think it's year 5 or 6 they can go alone or with friends.

Mine's quite wobbly on her bike and I'd worry about her making a mistake and falling into the traffic. It's quite heavy in places here.

Hard to say - you probably live in a very different environment to ours.

Original poster

redskyatnight · 03/06/2014 15:45

To reiterate - the route is all on off-road cycle paths except the very last bit. It crosses 3(or it might be 4?) quiet cul-de-sacs and 2 slightly busier roads - though speed ramps make it unlikely that traffic will get above 15-20 mph. It's quite usual to get the whole way home without seeing a car :) I absolutely wouldn't be happy with anything that involved very busy roads or cycling in traffic.

OP posts:

NigellasDealer · 03/06/2014 15:48

sorry but it is the kind of thing people in charge of CP at school would jump on like a juicy bone

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