8 year old DD cycling home with 10 year old DS

[redskyatnight]

10 year old DS has been cycling home from school (on his own or with a friend) since last September. The route is through a residential area with few roads to cross (no main roads). The route is all on off-road cycle paths except the very last bit up to our house, where he tends to cycle on the pavement.

8 year old DD normally goes home with a neighbour.

One day next week the neighbour can't collect DD. A friend who often collects is also busy. DH (who works at home and normally will pop out for stuff like this) has a very important call at school run time (his words) and can't either.

DH thinks we should just let DD cycle home with DS. I am slightly uneasy about this, but not sure why except that she has never done it before and we wouldn't let DS do it until he was older. She is sensible and used to cycling the route; DS has a mobile phone if necessary.

So AIBU (or WIBU rather) to let DD come home with DS without an adult?

My DC's are the same age and my older child also cycles about a mile to school alone or with a friend, while the younger one goes alone on a scooter or cycles with an adult.

However I wouldn't let them both go on bikes because my 8 year old isn't road aware enough to do the journey alone and I think it would be devasting for my 10 year if I'd told her she was responsible for her sister and there was an accident.

Could they walk together instead just for one day?

Child Protection issue???

MN never fails to amaze.

Walking rather than cycling for that day may well be a sensible compromise.

well my children leaving school two up on a scooter was a CP issue apparently.

i wouldn't have a problem with this at all if it is all on cycle paths and pavements and our school wouldn't either.

I wouldn't make the 10 year old responsible. If you'd let her do it alone, go for it. But if not, I don't think it's fair to put her brother in that position.

If it's the cycling you're unhappy with, could they walk that day?

My two children (DD aged 9 and DS aged 8) cycle or scooter home from school on their own every day and have done since the start of this school year. DS is year 3 and DD year 4.

When I was younger, I started walking home from the same school to the same house (I bought my parental home) when I moved from infants to juniors. No main roads.

I believe children need to learn responsibility and independence and they cannot do that when mollycoddled.

I know I am in the minority for thinking this, I am amongst school yard Mums too. But to me considered risk taking in parenting is essential.

Re: sorry but it is the kind of thing people in charge of CP at school would jump on like a juicy bone

Rubbish. Scare mongering.

it is not rubbish something very similar happened to me

mind you the CP person had taken an intense dislike to us and was scraping up anyting at all that she could eg 'seen drinking a fizzy drink' 'seen leaving school very fast on a scooter' 'seen on a bike without a helmet' etc etc. most of it was dismissed by a friendly SW. still these people do exist in our schools and it is as well to be aware of that.

My 9 year old is cycling home from his school cycling club right now on his own. Similar sounding route.i do collect him from school normally but cant right now. He cycles the same distance with friends st the weekend.
I think she will be fine as long as she is ok about it. My sons twin sister won't cycle home because dhe isn't happy about being on her own.

My 9yo has been doing a similar route for about a year now.

Re: mind you the CP person had taken an intense dislike to us

Indeed, there will be something else going on there.

There are correct ways to manage your children coming home alone that keeps the school informed. In some cases I can see why a school may wish to check (on CP grounds) that all is well. But that doesn't mean that a pupil would not be allowed to go home alone. Quite the opposite infact.

Remember to:

• Inform the Head (by email) of your intention first and foremost, so that any questions or issues can be raised.
• Find out about where the bikes can be kept/locked up in school. An answer to this will be confirmation that the school is OK in principle with the situation.
• Write a letter to the class teach (so it can be kept for future reference) and speak to her to let her know that your children have permission to be dismissed without an adult.
• Check there is somewhere bike helmets can be kept.
• Make sure your children have back packs (rather than bookbags). Easier to cycle with.

The key to this not being a CP issue is making sure the school are fully aware of your intentions and that permission is given

I would allow it. Sounds perfectly safe to me.

good advice from Wafflewiffle

WaffleWiffle my DC already regularly cycle to school so most of that is no issue (school has bike shed, they have somewhere to leave their helmets and backpacks). And DD is already nearly always released to another child (either her brother, friend's DD or neighbour's DD - as the adults that collect her pick up multiple children it's easier for them to meet them all at a central point rather then walking round various classrooms plus bike shed) so has permission for this (written and signed in her school diary). The school doesn't insist on any handover after Y3 anyway, so after the next half term (when DD finishes Y3) they would have no idea who she was going off with anyway.

I realise that some people live in areas where this would be truly horrifying, but here it's really common for DC to go home alone from Y4 (certainly Y5) and for younger siblings to go home with older ones. I would be really suprised if the school deemed it a CP issue - and if they did they would have to chase down half the families in school.

If something happens your DS will never forgive himself or get over it. I don't think you should make him responsible for this.

I wouldn't allow it until 8 year old had done the route a couple of times with an adult.

ihatewaiting she does do the route with an adult already so will just be doing it with her brother rather than an adult.

My room mate in college was from a very isolated, rural part of Iowa, and went to a small elementary school which was mainly attended by kids from farming families. The school was surrounded by private farming land. Some of the kids who lived a couple of miles away across the farmland drove themselves to school from the age of about 8, on what she describes as specially rigged-up mini tractor type things their parents set up. At the start of school you'd have parents dropping off kids from further distances that required using public roads, and some of the old elementary kids parking up round the back All perfectly legal because they were driving across private land. AFAIK kids there still do it.

*older

My only concern would be cars - if cars are not a problem on this route, then I don't see a problem. Not if you think both children are trustworthy and that your son will make sure he doesn't accidentally leave his sister behind.

I wouldn't let my children of the same ages, but then my children are slightly mad...

If something happens will DH blame you as of course he couldn't go as he had "an important work call" but you could? I may have missed why you aren't available to pick up the children.

I can't go as I'm at work at that time (the alternative unless they go on their own or I find someone else who can get them is me taking the afternoon off). Don't think DH would blame me, just see it as the accident which presumably it would be. (actually he's keener than me that she goes and even said she could cycle on her own, so perhaps I should blame him?)

DS and DD have cycled the route many times (approx 3 times a week there and back for the last 3 years). She knows it very well.

Of course it's the "something that might happen" that worries me. Realistically the worst I can think is that she will be hit by a car. I think (knowing the route and how used they are to cycling it) that the risk of this is fairly minimal. Punctures, falling off bikes etc DS is used to dealing with.

I think it sounds fine. They'll be together, your DH will be at home to receive them, and I'm sure your DD will gain from the sense of responsibility and confidence you have in her. In a year or so, I assume DS is off to secondary school, and your DD will make the journey alone in any case. This will be a good transition.