am i or is my Rabbi?

[scrummummy]

we have had family problems ( no other family crap choices with nanny's now my dh is a sahd) and we have asked for help with our Rabbi and Shul.
we admit that we have been hit and miss with membership fees but have always paid our cheder fees.
as I'm self employed my rent bills food come first.
but I've been a cheder teacher for over a year ( its pays £30 a week) so the savings would cover our fees. we also have rewritten the shuls website and given them over £8ks worth of cameras x2 laptops x2 printers
and tabletsx4.
yet we asked for help this week and we had the response from our Rabbi "we need to strengthen the relationship further with your over dues fees rather then fray it"
wtf? help

That doesn't seem very supportive of them. Can you get the tech back and sell it on ebay?

So a 'man of God' is more interested in your money than helping you? He needs to be looking at his values more closely.
I knew being a very lapsed religious person was a good decision!

What help are you asking for?

I suggest also posting this on a Jewish forum as no doubt you'll get better more balanced answers. It's sad the rabbi acted that way, and very ungrateful which is contrary to Jewish values. I'm Muslim but if this happened to me I would seek help from other community elders close to the main one. Hope this gets resolved for you

I'm Lutheran, not Jewish; are membership fees similar to a tithe for Christians?

What sort of help are you asking for? Is it something they typically provide for members?

Wow pay per view religion!

Is there anyone else you can go to who may recognise what you have done in items, work & time given freely rather than just see the lack of cold hard £££?

I was raised Jewish, but I don't practice any more. My synagogue was very forgiving to those who truly couldn't pay. Your situation doesn't sound right.

yes I've spoken to the chairman but unless we pay the fees nothing they can do

Was the value of the items donated the new value or the actual value of the items at the time? Not that this really makes much difference. I'm not sure what he means by his comment, it is a bit vague.

all new stuff we bought over time as they asked for it. as we both work in IT bought it at a discount but gave to them free of charge approx £4k stuff every year. membership fees £900 a year.

I suppose it depends on how much you value your relationship with your Rabbi/Synagogue.

I am not religious, despite being a Christian through birth and having a basic and fairly private level of belief, and therefore would never approach my local church to give advice on any personal matters. But if I did and got the response you have I would reply in the following manner...

"Thank you for your reply. I understand. Please ensure that the laptops, cameras, printers and tablets we made available for your use are ready for us to collect by close of business on X June."

Fuck 'em.

This is why I don't follow organised religion :(

I would find a new synagogue that is kinder to it's members.

What help were you asking for from the Rabbi? Unfortunately I absolutely believe that he has acted in this way but it's totally despicable and I would make an official complaint to united Synagogue / RSGB / liberals, which ever branch you belong to. If the Rabbi won't help you then perhaps try one of the charities, dependent on what help you are looking for. I absolutely hate the way that the shuls hold you hostage to membership fees and how everything is tied to money. We are lucky that FIL pays ours, it's so we stick with the US rather than going to Masorti or Reform but if he didn't there's no way that we would have a spare £1k a year.

Are you asking to be forgiven the membership fees, or another kind of help?

Do you not accept pay for being a chedar teacher?

How much do you pay chedar?

It sounds pretty bad on the face of it, but from your post the whole picture isn't clear.

This is a big part of why we no longer go to shul, we received bills and hostility when we tried to talk about them (neither of us were working at the time).

yeah spoken to Jewish care who think we're in the wrong shul. liberal is not for us I was modern Orthodox my dh is Jewish but cultural not religious.

I waived my teaching costs ( I do have a pgse and crb/ds--something)
which is £30x 30 weeks
family membership is £900
cheder fees are £320 for 2

I was also going to suggest Jewish care.

your synagogue is showing what it thinks of you. (and I don't for a moment say that they are all like that). There is a lot of politicking as in any such organisation.

synagogues do have high running costs, and if this is the united then the fees also cover burial and cemetery maintenance/security. The latter is a constant cost.

BUT none of this is an excuse to treat you in this way. You have to make a choice.

the fees didn't have burial etc costs until we got to 50.

i know nothing of the traditions or expectations of financial contributions but surely a religious leader should be helping you irrespective of money - especially considering all the equipment you have provided!!

Can you approach another Rabbi or local Jewish community centre if there are such things?

I think it's outrageous and there absolutely should be flexibility around your fees especially if you are teaching cheder. Perhaps the concept of Tzedakeh is alien to them? Many people are happy to pay their fees but aren't interested in getting involved with the community, which you certainly appear to have done and this is how they repay you. It's disgusting. I would look around for another Shul but that doesn't actually help you in the short term. If you were happy to share what support you need then perhaps there might be people here with some suggestions?

Perhaps he doesn't understand how you could afford to be so generous previously but can't now.