am i or is my Rabbi?

[scrummummy]

we have had family problems ( no other family crap choices with nanny's now my dh is a sahd) and we have asked for help with our Rabbi and Shul.
we admit that we have been hit and miss with membership fees but have always paid our cheder fees.
as I'm self employed my rent bills food come first.
but I've been a cheder teacher for over a year ( its pays £30 a week) so the savings would cover our fees. we also have rewritten the shuls website and given them over £8ks worth of cameras x2 laptops x2 printers
and tabletsx4.
yet we asked for help this week and we had the response from our Rabbi "we need to strengthen the relationship further with your over dues fees rather then fray it"
wtf? help

What sort of help were you asking for? This sort of thing happens in every religion, my brother had a big fight with the principal minister of the church he was working at and left because they kept asking parishioners for money and would snub them if they didn't cough up. I stopped attending after many years of being forced to as a child. A couple of years ago, thought I'd try again at a well-respected place and they handed me a direct debit form on my third visit!!! Don't bother now because I'm so cynical of the whole setup, especially not worth it if my faith is not there on some of the main theological points as well. My husband is Hindu and anytime he wants to do a prayer with an offering or said by the priest, he has to pay as well.

That said, the other synagogue elders may not be aware of what this rabbi is saying and he could be pressuring others too. I'd bring it up with them and find out what the policy is.

My only Jewish friend is seriously broke, lived on benifits due to ill health and has since married a nkn jew and had a lovely DS.

As far as I know her progressive Synogue is just delighted to see her, when she is well enough. They were lovely to us at DS naming service.

I can't think they have ever seen much money.

Non jew,

That's very strange - most synagogues would be flexible to a family going through hard times and are usually understanding over membership fees.

If you're a cheder teacher, can't you just teach your kids at home?

You can still go to services and things like that. No one will stop you other than on the high holy days (and even then you can still go to Chabad rather than your own synagogue).

To be honest, your Rabbi's answer is very unclear. What did he mean by "strengthen the relationship further with your overdue fees rather than fray it". It sounds very cryptic.

They're very short sighted if they'll behave this way to loyal members going through a rough patch. Presumably, things will get better but you'll remember how shabbily you were treated and could move to another synagogue.

I am shocked by your Rabbi! We are low income and our fees are subsidized by our Temple. We could not afford to send our daughter to Hebrew school this Autumn as I was injured and not able to work. My Rabbi called to inquire why our daughter was not in class, when we told him we could afford to send her, he forgave the fee. We do not attend Shul every Shabbat but try to contribute what we can. I hope you are able to find a Temple that fits you better. I feel terrible about this, this is not how Jews treat each other..

Y'know when people argue that organised religion is a con trick to extract money from its followers and keep them in a state of blind obedience, fear and obligation?

Well your Rabbi has done a lot of the hard work for them.

What happens if you don't pay ever (genuine question?) or don't go back? I wounldn't want to spend my time within an organisation that sees me primarily as a cash point.

I wouldn't want to spend my time within an organisation that sees me primarily as a cash point.

By which I mean that particular synagogue, not Judaism as a whole.

Never has being non religious felt so freeing as this thread. I live in an area that borders an Orthodox/Hassidic area and it's literally crazy the power the Rabbis have been given and how much cash they get to live off

It shouldn't matter if you have 50p or $5billion. You're all part of the church.

Can you speak to the sisterhood/b'nai brith? I definitely think the rabbi sounds wrong, no shul I've ever belonged to would ever turn anyone away because of money. And you sound like you've made plenty of contributions to the congregation anyway. I would find another shul that subscribes more to Tikkun Olam.

YANBU. Our shul (which is MO) not only reduces fees to a token amount, but has a fund available for hardship cases, and gives out thousands of pounds a year.

In any case, your shul can't enforce membership fees, as it would cause them problems with the tax man, as they are supposed to be voluntary. Cheder fees are different, of course, but you've paid them.

I'd move shul if I were you. Rabbi sounds a complete knob!

Try joining a different shul. If the rabbi is showing so little compassion over your membership fees it means that he won't be understanding if you have other problems.

There are several Shuls that I can recommend. If you are anywhere near to sw Herts I can recommend St Albans Masorti (small and friendly), Borehamwood Masorti (recently set up so very friendly), Radlett Reform (big community but friendly), Barnet United (big orthodox community but very nice).

Years ago, when I lived in London and had financial difficulties the rabbi waived the fee completely. Your rabbi's attitude goes against the whole principle of charity and kindness (tsedakah) which I find very shocking.

'this is not how Jews treat each other'

exactly - nor how any group should treat the members. Especially religious groups which teach charity, kindness, understanding and all the other values that we should all (religious or not) try to follow. The rabbi's behaviour is utterly bizarre.

OP, I hope that you can find the help that you need.

I would like at a different shul. The way the rabbi is behaving is unreasonable. Our (reform) shul does reduced rates/ free membership depending on your income. Being a cheder teacher adds far more value to the shul and the community than paying membership fees.

Even if you could find the money, could you imagine being happy if this was the rabbi that bar mitzvahed your son, bat mitzvahed your daughter or G-d forbid, conducted a funeral for somebody you love? You wouldn't want him to form any part of your families celebrations after he has treated you like this.