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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect the dc to get on well together?

31 replies

CocktailQueen · 02/06/2014 19:09

God. I can't remember the last time the two of them played something nice together. On holiday last week they got on well, shared a bedroom etc., but back home? Totally different. It's so depressing. They don't say hello or goodbye to each other, don't support or help each other, and dd age 10 just nitpicks at ds all the time, criticising him for everything.

Have just asked dd to get ds's medicine from the kitchen and she made a huge fuss, couldn't find it. It was right there. She just CBA looking. She's so sulky and stroppy at times, it's depressing.

I feel like banning all laptop and ipad and TV until they can show me they can behave better.

AIBU??? (I know I have asked a couple of questions here)

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 02/06/2014 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WooWooOwl · 02/06/2014 19:55

YABU to expect it, YANBU to hope for it.

Purplepoodle · 02/06/2014 19:58

My brother hates my sister. They are very different personalities with different outlooks on life and can't just love the person for who they are, they want them to be the same mould as them

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 02/06/2014 20:00

Broken - yes, it's just antibiotics in the fridge, nothing unusual.

Ok, I know they're not the same people, but can't I at least expect them to be civil to each other?.

OP posts:
Suefla62 · 02/06/2014 20:03

You can't necessarily expect it. However, you can require it.

WeirdCatLady · 02/06/2014 20:26

I have both a b and a s, I won't add the normal 'd' as I hate the pair of them. Always have, always will.
You can hope that they will get on after they have got through the teenage years, my best friend and her ds were great. But I wouldn't pee on mine if they were on fire (I'd be adding kindling)

MrsChickPea · 02/06/2014 20:46

WeirdCatLady - that made me laugh (sorry). I don't get on with my DSis either. Probably would pee on her if on fire, but there is certainly no love lost. Hence I only have one DC.

Busymumto3dc · 02/06/2014 20:48

I think this is just part of having more than

Busymumto3dc · 02/06/2014 20:48

One child tbh!

Writerwannabe83 · 02/06/2014 20:53

What is the age difference??

HauntedNoddyCar · 02/06/2014 20:53

Apparently so. Mine play beautifully away from home but once home it's constant low level aggravation.

Mind you db and I were like that until we got older. Now we get on fine.

jamaisjedors · 02/06/2014 20:57

My two behave better and fight less when there is less telly and computer...

Just saying.

redexpat · 02/06/2014 21:05

Well have you tried telling or showing them how?

mummytime · 02/06/2014 21:12

Mine get on okay - but are allowed to give each other a lot of space. They would all tend to be there for each other in a real crisis, but most of the rest of the time prefer to put space between themselves. I have 3 and the dynamics are very complicated.
When they were younger I insisted on respect, and didn't always blame one for every wrong doing. Otherwise maybe it was luck?

PunkrockerGirl · 02/06/2014 21:19

Sounds like normal behaviour to me. You don't say how old ds is - is he older or younger? They will grow out of it, I think by banning computer etc, you're just going to cause more resentment of each other.

Shouldwego · 02/06/2014 22:09

You can't necessarily expect it. However, you can require it.

How do you require it?? You can't make people get along, yes you can limit the extent of the fighting with luck but you can't make people like each other.

DH and his DSis get on great, me and my DSis get on ok and I do care about her but we are so different that if we weren't related I can't imagine we'd bother to see each other again. I think that's quite sad.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/06/2014 22:13

Siblings are a total gamble.

Me and my sister are incredibly close - we have our own special bubble. I love her to pieces and I can't imagine my life without her.

DH and his brother cannot stand each other and it has been that way since they were young teenagers. We have nothing to do with his brother or his family (he is married with 3 children) and it will never change. They didn't even come to our wedding.

MrsSkilly · 02/06/2014 22:18

My younger sister and I hated each other when we were kids. Only really got on when she was doing what I told her to do. Now we are really close and speak every day but that didn't happen until I was living away from home in my early twenties. It's very natural for siblings to not get on and you just have to hope that changes as they grow up.

Andro · 02/06/2014 22:53

How do you require it??

You expect please/thank you/excuse me and make sure that nastiness is punished on both sides (that is the requirement of civility) - you cannot expect them to get on/play nicely together/like each other.

silveroldie2 · 02/06/2014 23:38

YANBU to expect them to be civil. My sister and I are exceedingly polite to each other, which is made easier by only speaking once a year.

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 03/06/2014 12:12

Hmm, maybe it's because my sister and I are so close now, but I always imagined that my dc would be as close. But then I had forgotten that we fought as kids as well...

They got on brilliantly last week - outside all the time, on hols, on beach, etc. Which is why I was cross they can't now!

I do limit tv and laptop time - it's good for us all to get out for fresh air.

OP posts:
mummytime · 03/06/2014 12:19

They may be fighting this week because they spent so much time together last week. Also is one more extrovert than the other? Often the more introvert wants to "get away" and the extrovert is bored so seeks their attention.
Its tricky, but a great way to learn about different people.

EatDessertFirst · 03/06/2014 12:21

My DC (DD 5.5 &DS 3.5) get on pretty well 95% of the time.

Some arguements can be left to be solved between them. I draw a very strict line at any kind of physical fighting or name-calling. I do have to seperate them to give them both some space but after a while they drift back together.

The conflict is always made worse by hunger, tiredness and too much screen-time, which is very limited for this reason.

YANBU to expect it but YABU to think it will happen just because you 'require' it.

bragmatic · 03/06/2014 12:22

I just lost my shit at my 3 for fighting. Does my fucking head in. No help, sorry.

bragmatic · 03/06/2014 12:22

Yes to screen time, Eatdessert! It is the devil.