To get annoyed with the school not using my name!

[extremepie]

Inspired by another thread, was actually going to post about it ages ago but I forgot :D

A while ago I had to have a meeting with ds' head teacher and some other people from the school. It's a verrrry long story what the meeting was about but it was quite an emotive subject for me, I was stressed out and upset.

All the people in the meeting kept referring to me as 'mum' not even 'ds' mum' just 'mum'. It was irritating me so much I eventually just snapped and said 'excuse me, I do have a name you know! You all know me by first name as I am in here so often, so please use it! I'm not just someone's mother I am a person in my own right'.

They apologised for upsetting me although since then have continued to call me mum! but I was talking to bf the other night and he said I was really unreasonable!

Thing is, since me & ex spilt I have struggled with my new role, I was a full time worker and the only earner in the family and overnight had to become a SAHP, give up my job, social life, basically everything except the kids! I went from being a 'well rounded' person with friends and having my own interests and independence to having all that taken away :(

I love my kids dearly but my self worth has eroded away so much over the last year I no longer feel like a 'real' person with any value so to have the school constantly refer to me in this away just reinforces in my own head this idea that I have that I am nothing in myself and only have a purpose as someone's mother, I don't even have my own name :(

Aibu? Should I not have said anything? Or does bf just not understand?

As a teacher, I would never dream of doing this. It is patronising and disrespectful. We also make a point to make sure we get their name right (pronunciation, it being different from child's etc). Calling female parents Mum is not standard practice for all schools. It is just laziness. I wonder whether they would do it with the dads too.

It is rude and patronising. They are not been asked to remember all parents names or even recall the ops name forever, just during their meetings.

Imagine been in a hospital appointment with your oh and been refered to as "wife" or buying a new sofa and been refered to as "blue sofa customer".

I've been a governor for 3 years, worked in the school at lunchtime for a year before that.

The head still calls me by my dds name. Not dds mum - her actually name.

She is year 5 - he even taught her for 6 months in year 1. He knows her name - and my other dds. They both have fairly unusual names - i have only ever met a handful of kids with these names.

He knows my name - and I have the same surname as the kids so he could even call me mrs xx.

I correct him every time - yes including in a full governors meetings, a meeting with someone from the lea and I will do it in front of ofsted if necessary.

It's just rude and patronising - and very lazy.

In front of your child they should call you miss/mrs xx. If they aren't sure then ask - are you mrs (same as child) or ?

I wouldn't accept it as a parent or dish it as a teacher. It's always Mrs/Ms X unless told otherwise, both ways. Costs nothing.

YANBU if you personally found it annoying.

I'd prefer it personally. One of the women who works at the DD's school refers to me as Saucy darlin'. Or love. I hate it and her. It's horribly overfamiliar. I don't even really like being called Ms Jack.

I'm quite happy for school just to call me "mum"- because as far as they're concerned that's all I am. I don't need them to recognize me as a person in my own right or what-have-you.

I work in a job with children where I am referred to as a 'professional' and regularly attend meetings with other 'professionals' and parents. I will fully admit to doing this from time to time. I know it can be rude, offensive and patronising, and I hate myself for doing this but my caseload is massive and often has a lot of similar issues and sometimes names (I currently work with 4 children of the same name!). In stressful meetings my brain will occasionally pack up and go on an unauthorised holiday, faced with possibly calling a parent the wrong name 'mum' or 'dad' is often the safest option.

I'm sorry.

Oh and if it annoyed you it was right and very brave of you to point it out!

Oh god, they do this at school too? I thought it was only whilst the kids are babies. Why is it so hard for the society to call grown women by their name?!

Yanbu!

Wouldn't bother me at all, plenty more important things to get stressed about in life.

That sort of thing drives me nuts as well, maternity wards do it a lot with 'mum', dad' and especially 'baby'. Not 'your baby' or 'the baby' just baby. makes me come over quite stabby.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest as long as they remembered my kids name however, I think they should respect your wishes if you have asked to be called by your name.

I'm not sure it's worth getting angry about though. They are doing something which most people wouldn't mind at all and something that minimises the risk of calling someone the wrong name.

hvs do it too and I don't understand why. Just don't call me anything! It's not rude to say "so, how's the baby?" rather than "so mum, how's the baby?" I've had enough conversations to know when it's me they're addressing...