Madeleine McCann related

[CiderLover]

Just came across a post about MM on here and it got me thinking.

AIBU to think that if MM was found alive, she would be terrified being returned to her parents? After all they would be nothing but strangers to her now surely?

I don't think she would be returned just like that. I don't know what the protocol is usually, though.

yabu. What are odious rubbernecking post.

I suppose they don't usually find lost children after several years though :(

I don't agree they would be strangers. My 11 year old is the same age as MM would be. He remembers his life from the age of 3, which is when she disappeared

She might have all sorts of difficult emotional reactions, it would naturally be an adjustment, but no, not strangers.

would the alternative be preferable?

Yabu, your post is in bad taste

Has it been 8 years already?

And when I talk about my son, that's just the memories he can articulate. Plenty more attachment to to his loving family aside from what he can consciously remember.

Oh God. I regret entering into this now

I didn't mean it in bad taste at all!

It was a genuine question, how far back do children remember etc.

Why is it bad taste? Genuine question IMO and one which has probably crossed a lot of people's minds.

Well she would need some form of counselling anyway but really none of us know the protocols etc so its all just speculation.

I prefer it when rubber neckers actually get the name of the family they are rubber necking about right.

What a cruel thing to say.

So the alternative is to just leave it be and never give her poor family closure?

I'm not sure you would want your missing 11 year old to remain with her abductors should you ever find yourself in such a horrendous situation.

We can see you didn't mean it in bad taste at all cider so don't worry

Its a good question tho, regarding all long term missing children.

Oh and lol at all those berating about 'rubbernecking' whilst they themselves are,er, here rubbernecking too

Its a strange one as she would have have been with her captors longer than she was with her parents.

I really don't think they will find the poor girl at all though.

given that MM case is in the news again today, I agree this in in poor taste, however, its an interesting Q.
My friend has 2 adopted children. they had previously been long term fostered and were adopted age 2.5 and 4.5 they both remember their lives before they went to live with their new parents, however, that is because they can openly talk about their memories, they have photos of themselves at xmas, birthdays etc and they were very well prepared by the social worker and their foster carers for the transition.
My own kids can remember things from when they were just over 2, however, again, this is in the context of a continuous relationship, with memories talked about and photos and home videos there to prompt discussion.
This is not at all the same scenario as with missing children.
I am certain that Ben Needham, for example, has no memory at all of being Ben or where he lived etc.

(Accepting that you didn't mean it in bad taste.)

There have been a handful of comparable cases globally so presumably there is a small amount of nascent expertise out there that would be marshalled in that event.

There have been cases of children being found, it has been suggested that the private inquiry actually uncovered one girl. I believe that there is a lengthy process involved, (including DNa testing and counselling) but the desired outcome would be to return the child to her parent.

*What a cruel thing to say.

So the alternative is to just leave it be and never give her poor family closure? *

Yes, because that's obviously what I meant

There was a case, I think in America, where 2 babies were mixed up after birth in a hospital, this only came to light when one set of parents were killed in an accident and the child was proven not to be bio related to the GPs/surviving family. The birth parents were traced. Imagine that. The child you have raised for several years is not actually bio yours! and the one that's a stranger (and now parentless) IS yours! I think they kept both kids IIRC, it was not in the interest of the child they had raised to remove her. Again this is NOT the same scenario as when someone has been abducted, even if they have been well cared for. One can only hope that in such circs all concerned would get loads and loads of professional support. It would be a long slow process.

phantom

Good posts

Phantom I remember that case

I am adopted, at 4, nearly 5. I remember certain aspects, but a lot of that was because I have an older brother who went through it too. I believe it's called trauma bonds or something, when you keep the memories alive through discussing it, in our case a lot of that was not actually a good thing. I could also talk about everything growing up and didn't have to repress memories (whether because I was forced not to talk about it or because repressing them was the only way to survive/keep going).

I presume that if she was/is to be found, then they would phase her back in very, very slowly, like introductions when being adopted, which could take a few weeks (I think now for an older child, it will be many, many weeks), and presumably it would be longer than that as they wouldn't be coming directly from a traumatising situation, months probably of introducing them and supervising and seeing reactions.