to think that if you cook your dp should was up

[newcastlebelle1]

I am a sahm and I am becoming increasingly pissed off with being treated like a housewodk fairy. Saturday night we get a takeaway and I wash up. (fair enough). The next night I cook and than put dd3 to bed and go to bed straight after. I come dosn this morning to the kitchen as I left it.
Aibu to think we should get equal time awzy from chores at tne weekend.

During the week it is different. I cook and eat earlly with dc. So I am happy to clean up after us. Dh snacks rather than has a cooked meal in the evening. He may muck up the freshly cleaned kitchen with crumbs and the odd plate or knife but it's manageable. Of course during the week part of the sahm role is to feed dc etc etc.
However dh doesn't work weekends so I feel he should help more. He just opts out by saying I'm tired or the latest I have a cold. Well I have had a cold for the last 2 weeks but I just get on with it.
Thank you replies.
Those who say they do it all as a sahm is that on days your dp or dh works or is it everyday. Just interested. Thank you

OP i do it all on the days DH works and we both take weekends off. Fridays is my cleaning day, so i get as much as i can done then (whatever isn't done waits till Monday or never ), i do laundry throughout the weekdays, i often batch cook and freeze things in the week so there is just some chilli or bolognese to heat up on a Sat night which only makes a tub and plates. Sunday i do a pot roast/roast where everything gets bunged in together, so one roasting tin/pot and a saucepan. Lunch is often sandwiches/picnic out and breakfast might be slow cooker porridge, scrambled eggs on toast or bacon sarnies so only a one pan/dish. Everything gets put in the dishwasher. DH unloads it and i load it (he has terrible spacial awareness). But i do do all the cooking because DHis a terrible cook and honestly i enjoy it and we all may die of food poisoning if he did

But other than that, little housework gets done on weekends and i do everything, shopping, errands, paperwork, cleaning, cooking in the week. if i have time i may even iron a few shirts for dh, but often i don't, so he does them as and when he needs them in the mornings. It works out exactly the same hours that DH works (and i often snooze with ds in the avo too). But, as i said, we do have horrifically low standards and can usually not see much floor.

We recently had a row little discussion about the cooking duties at weekends, brought about by DH's constant whinging about the cost of the meals out we have.

The rule here is that whoever cooks, doesn't wash up. As I do all cooking, he therefore does all washing up. (And the bins, as an aside-those are the two chores he is responsible for)

DH doesn't cook, apart from a curry once every couple of months. Since I see no good reason why I should spend the weekend cooking while he sits on his arse, I long ago insisted that at least one main meal per weekend was taken at a restaurant. Either that, or he learned to cook PDQ. As he displayed no signs of approaching any of the 501 cookbooks I have, or looking up recipes on the World Wide Interweb, or perusing YouTube, the restaurant meals it was.

However. The above discussion brought forth the complaint from me that filling the dishwasher does NOT, in fact constitute 'doing the washing up', and the washing up fairy was 'on strike' until further notice and would not be available to wash up the bread board/chopping board/oven trays/crystal glasses (wtf those were used anyway) and so forth.

Thus it works like this here now: Dh does the washing up, or it gets left. Occasionally (like tonight, for instance) I'll be kind and fill the dishwasher for him. (And then huff at him when he whines that I didn't put the salt in, ungrateful swine that he is). If he cooks, at any point, I clear up.

In short, if you don't cook, you wash up. Properly. And if you don't, you're a lazy bugger. Or you cook, and have the joy of not washing up.

My passive-aggressive suggestion to you, OP, would be that you are 'too tired'/'too poorly' to cook him a meal, but fortunately you were able to manage something for yourself and the DC.

newcastlebelle1 it comes down to both partners having the same amount of free time, vs one person continuing to work in the weekday evenings while the other puts his feet up, or one person doing everything chore-related on the weekend while the other watched football on the telly and occasionally talks to the kids.

Obviously it's usually not that one-sided but if your DH is making you do the lion's share of the housework on the weekend, the cooking, cleaning up, looking after DC, etc. while he does pretty much what he pleases, then that's not on. Talk to him and tell him what needs to change. Don't put up with being a skivvy for the household on the weekend just because you don't bring in the paycheque.

My bread/chopping boards, roasting tins, glasses (not crystal) etc all go in the dishwasher. There is nothing left to wash up by hand. I didn't realise other people didn't just bung them all in. Why not? what does the dishwasher do to them?

Get a dishwasher.

Couples break up over ridiculous things like this.

My dp works full time, crazy shifts. I am sahm. The way it works is when dp is at work I do e writhing at home but once he us home we are both on duty and we both pitch in and get whatever needs to be done done, he would never come in and sit on his arse ecpecting me to do everything,

Today when he got in He did everything actually, dinner, washing up and bedtime ad I had a head ache to the point of feeling like I was going to throw up so I had a lie down.

So we both pitch in and if one of us needs a bream the other picks up the slack, we work as a team,

"Couples break up over ridiculous things like this."

No they break up if one of them is a lazy arse and doesn't do their fair share. The ops dh seemingly doesn't help at all woth bedtime or washing up or round the house even when not working. That's him being a lazy arse ans it's not ridiculous to expect a grown man to do his fair share.

I do all the cooking and the washing up. This makes sure I can find things when I want them.

I don't understand why the non-cook should wash up. If household jobs are fairly apportioned it shouldn't matter who does what.

We have a rule that the person who cooks also washes up, this is because I some people use every pot and utensil available. This rule does only work if you take turns to cook though, you shouldn't have to be doing all the washing up and putting kids to bed OP.

I don't roll with the non cook washing up either! If I didn't make the mess I'm not cleaning it'

As far as I'm concerned if you're both at home you both get on with it.

Being a sahm shouldn't mean you work 24/7 whilst your DH gets to laze around doing nothing. You're both entitled to time off as much as you should both be sharing what needs doing. Else you're just a skivvy. Why should one partner get two days to themselves whilst the other is still running around doing everything?

If DH is at home, we both do whatever needs doing.

(MrsKoala- we have wooden bread boards/chopping boards, which warp in the d/w; glasses lose their shine, acquiring instead a 'frosted' appearance; our oven trays have non-stick coatings, which start peeling away. That's why the washing-up-by-hand)

Ha - We have cheap plastic chopping boards, cheap tesco glasses and le crueset roasting tins/pans which seem fine in the dishwasher. I wouldn't buy anything which couldn't go in there. Just like i don't buy anything which says 'handwash' or 'dry clean only'. It's just not worth the hassle. We are slobs

Of course he should have washed up. If you are putting the kids to bed and going to bed straight after it's just pure laziness on his part to sit watching TV or whatever and leave the dishes for you to do the next day. That's just taking the piss.