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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Genuinely friendly neighbour, or to be wary? LONG

37 replies

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 10:05

So, I have previously posted on here about moving in with my girlfriend. We have been back and forth the new property several times over the last month painting and decorating etc.

We have a guy living upstairs who is nice enough, I think he has social anxieties as when we first introduced ourselves he was stuttering and shaking like a leaf but as the conversation went on this seemed to disappear and he didn't seem as nervous.

Anyway, he isn't our concern (apart from him overlooking everything we bring into the flat and commenting and trying to "help").

His cousin came round on Saturday with him quite late at night as were were putting up some flat pack furniture and my girlfriend invited them in. They took a little tour of the flat and compared it to the man upstairs' flat etc etc.

He came into the living room and started rambling about his business and how he is snowed under with paperwork (he cuts lawns and trees I believe). He kept repeating this over and over again and how much money he earns. He looked over our pine furniture whilst talking about how expensive things are and how much money he earns etc etc.

We are 2 young girls sharing a flat, we live in a very close knit village (haven't actually moved in yet). The men do not know that we are a lesbian couple and in fact asked us on the 2nd day if we were single and how old we are. It angers me slightly to think he may be hitting on us already. Also he is that creepy that we have pretended to have boyfriends. This isn't right is it? He keeps offering lots of services for free such as grass cutting, offering me lifts into work (40 minute drive) for free. Am I being horrible and is this guy being friendly or is he a bit of a creep who we need to keep at arms length?

I feel like I may be acting a little unreasonable if I start to freeze him out and never let him past our door again!

Thoughts?

OP posts:

softlysoftly · 02/06/2014 10:08

He's trying his luck doesn't make him dangerous though. But why are you lying about boyfriends?

Just make it clear you are a couple!

Mabelface · 02/06/2014 10:08

He fancies you. Just tell him that you're a couple and that you're not interested.

annielouise · 02/06/2014 10:09

You say they're over friendly but your girlfriend has already invited them in! They might fancy one or either of you but just brush it off. Remain friendly with neighbour above but not too friendly - e.g. "Nice weather Tom" etc but presumably the cousin you won't have to see much if he doesn't live there. Any offers of anything just smile and say that's kind of you but we're fine thanks, anyway better go, then make some excuse up.

riskit4abiskit · 02/06/2014 10:09

He could be either a creep or just socially awkward and nice. Don't know why you didn't tell him you were a couple though - at least that way you would know if he is nice or trying to get in your pants

ShatnersBassoon · 02/06/2014 10:12

Why say you've got boyfriends, when you're a couple and telling him so would put an end to any designs he might have on you? It's a simple solution to a problem that might never exist.

sezamcgregor · 02/06/2014 10:14

Remember not to get in cars with strangers, and set some boundaries with this guy. I'd not invite him into the house again and just keep it to friendly hellos.

Perhaps he is bad at making new friends, and might also be set at ease knowing that you're a gay couple as it takes the pressure of him wanting to pull you and being knocked back. Tell him the truth, but make sure that he knows that you are also not up for 3 or 4 sums.

If he still keeps trying to make friends, perhaps organise something like going to a pub quiz or similar.

Original poster

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 10:14

I don't know, we are both pretty "non scene" and when he asked me I felt on the spot and awkward. Everyone talks in the village and I just don't think it's something they need to know as it's not like we walk around holding hands lol

He doesn't live there but he is there every day. When our car pulls up he is down from his cousins flat quick as a flash.

OP posts:

Original poster

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 10:16

Without sounding like a bitch, he is definitely not the sort of person I want to befriend. Everything he says sounds like bullshit.

He did say that he finished with his previous girlfriend when he caught her in bed with her cousin..

OP posts:

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 02/06/2014 10:19

Always go with your instincts.

You have the right to simply not want to have any sort of friendship forced on you - for any reason! You don't really want to spend time with this guy. So don't. Smile, polite excuse - keep it to hellos in the corridor. Not a problem.

ShatnersBassoon · 02/06/2014 10:19

The people in your village don't need to know if anyone is part of a couple, but it's not abnormal for them to be interested and to ask.

You've dug yourself into a hole. The bloke upstairs now thinks you're interested in men, and you have to maintain the boyfriend story too. Be honest. Life will be easier all round.

annielouise · 02/06/2014 10:20

I agree, it's your business to tell whoever you please, as and when you like. Just avoid as much as possible. If they come down as soon as you turn up just keep knocking the cousin back - if he meets you getting out the car keep the conversation short and keep walking to your flat. If he rings the bell don't let him in and ask him politely what he wants. Keep saying you're busy - we're about to eat dinner, we're going out in a bit so can't stop, we've got stuff to do. He'll get the hint. If he doesn't then after you telling him you've got a boyfriend just tell him your boyfriend isn't happy with him hanging around or get a male friend round. Be firm but polite and consistent too.

annielouise · 02/06/2014 10:22

If all else fails tell him straight I don't fancy you/you're not my type. Some men need to hear it in those words. It doesn't have to be nasty just factual.

Original poster

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 10:23

just tell him your boyfriend isn't happy with him hanging around or get a male friend round. Be firm but polite and consistent too

This is the angle I was going for when I told him I had a boyfriend. I don't find it easy coming out to people

OP posts:

Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/06/2014 10:27

They are obviously delighted that two seemingly single girls have moved in and want to be friendly- inviting them in and so on.

As others have said, one way around this is to be open and out and this might be easier than pretending to have imaginary boyfriends, however you have already said you have boyfriends so this is trickier.

I would remain very detached, a bit rude seeming, a cheery hello and then walk past. If he comes to the door say it is not convenient and don't let him in the flat again.

He's not your type of friend and so you need to make that clear, otherwise I think inviting him in late at night is giving the message you would like to be friends.

No need to be too rude, just very busy and no opportunities for socializing whatsoever.

CumberCookie · 02/06/2014 10:27

If you don't feel comfortable telling him you're a couple that's ok, do what you both feel is right for you.

I wouldn't be rude to him or anything - just keep saying "no thanks" to his offers. Don't engage him etc. Might be worth keeping a diary of incidents if he makes you increasingly uncomfortable.

Original poster

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 10:29

It was my girlfriends fault! She said when she answered the door they were both peering in and commenting on the new kitchen and looking over her shoulder so she felt obliged to let them in. My girlfriend is a bit of a push over tbh so I said I would answer in future. I have just about managed to keep conversation stilted

OP posts:

sezamcgregor · 02/06/2014 10:36

If you don't want to come out to them - do you have any very beefy friends that you can invite round to pretend to be your boyfriends?

daphnehoneybutt · 02/06/2014 10:36

As others have said trust your instincts.

To me he sounds like a massive dickhead and a perv. Sorry if that's harsh but I would be swerving him. Certainly don't invite him in again or ask him to help with anything. He may feel you "owe" him something after that.

Have you got any large male friends or relatives you can invite round to put him off a bit?

I like chatting to my neighbours and we would even go in and out each others houses at Christmas / occasions for drinks etc so I'm not unfriendly but when you get vibes like this you need to trust them.

Purpleroxy · 02/06/2014 10:38

He is probably desperate for a girlfriend and sees you as two potentials right under his nose. Much better to say that you are a serious couple, it sounds like he is very awkwardly hitting on both of you because he'll take either. Having a man around occasionally might make him think the boyfriend is inattentive and the relationship isn't serious and he'd be a better option!

He sounds harmless, but a complete pita so I would be careful not to let him in again. Say it's not a good time etc. Try to remain polite. Does it really matter if he gossips about you being in a lesbian relationship in the village? At least you wouldn't need to tell the people he tells!

Original poster

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 10:47

Yes we do have 2 very close male friends that are going to act as our men lol one of which is very beefy. He's just so piggish and laughed at me putting up furniture saying it was wrong (it wasnt) and saying if we need anything heavy moving he will do it. We are both perfectly capable!!

He makes my skin crawl

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 02/06/2014 10:51

Your gf invited them In almost immediately so what do you expect.

flatbellyfella · 02/06/2014 10:52

He sounds like a bit of a chancer, give him an inch & he will take a mile, sort of chap, keep him at arms length would be my opinion . You can have "Boy" friends without them being lovers. Have you any male friends you could get to come around?

flatbellyfella · 02/06/2014 10:53

Oops X post.

nomorequotes · 02/06/2014 10:55

I imagine, Coffee That they expected to have a cup of coffee with them and be able to remain living a normal life beyond that. I imagine what they expected was to not have it assumed that they wanted any more than a chat and a cup of coffee. What do you think they should have 'expected'?

Original poster

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 11:04

Thank you nomorequotes

OP posts:

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