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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Genuinely friendly neighbour, or to be wary? LONG

37 replies

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 10:05

So, I have previously posted on here about moving in with my girlfriend. We have been back and forth the new property several times over the last month painting and decorating etc.

We have a guy living upstairs who is nice enough, I think he has social anxieties as when we first introduced ourselves he was stuttering and shaking like a leaf but as the conversation went on this seemed to disappear and he didn't seem as nervous.

Anyway, he isn't our concern (apart from him overlooking everything we bring into the flat and commenting and trying to "help").

His cousin came round on Saturday with him quite late at night as were were putting up some flat pack furniture and my girlfriend invited them in. They took a little tour of the flat and compared it to the man upstairs' flat etc etc.

He came into the living room and started rambling about his business and how he is snowed under with paperwork (he cuts lawns and trees I believe). He kept repeating this over and over again and how much money he earns. He looked over our pine furniture whilst talking about how expensive things are and how much money he earns etc etc.

We are 2 young girls sharing a flat, we live in a very close knit village (haven't actually moved in yet). The men do not know that we are a lesbian couple and in fact asked us on the 2nd day if we were single and how old we are. It angers me slightly to think he may be hitting on us already. Also he is that creepy that we have pretended to have boyfriends. This isn't right is it? He keeps offering lots of services for free such as grass cutting, offering me lifts into work (40 minute drive) for free. Am I being horrible and is this guy being friendly or is he a bit of a creep who we need to keep at arms length?

I feel like I may be acting a little unreasonable if I start to freeze him out and never let him past our door again!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
BranchingOut · 02/06/2014 11:16

I think that once you are past the 'moving in' stage then everything should settle down. Then avoid getting into dialogue with him/them.

Useful phrases:

'Got to dash'.
'Got to go, I'm late'.
'I'm really tired, got to head inside'.

StarGazeyPond · 02/06/2014 11:22

The people in your village don't need to know if anyone is part of a couple

Of course they do Smile it's part of living in a village!!

p.s. I expect they suspect any way.

Staywithme · 02/06/2014 15:05

I honestly think you are making things more difficult with your made up boyfriend. You're going to find the lie very stressful to keep up, "why's he never around? what's his name? etc". If/when he finds out you're a couple, he could feel annoyed that you lied and that's a whole set of other problems.

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/06/2014 17:42

Not really staywithme, if he's reasonable he would accept that it was something they wanted to keep private as any other reasonable person would. It's always best to err on the side of caution. If she's uneasy around him, then any measures she has to take are acceptable.

It's horrible that even in 2014 women have to invent male protectors to get other men to back off, but it is what it is...

Birdsgottafly · 02/06/2014 18:34

""We are both perfectly capable!!""It's horrible that even in 2014 women have to invent male protectors to get other men to back off, but it is what it is...""

No they don't.

If you get asked have you got a boyfriend, you answer "No".

Then make it perfectly clear that you are not interested and they back the fuck off.

Staywithme · 02/06/2014 19:12

It's horrible that even in 2014 women have to invent male protectors to get other men to back off, but it is what it is...

Good grief! I'm 45 yrs old and I've never felt the need to invent a male protector and believe me I've met some scummy/aggressive men. I feel that continuing to tell lies to protect yourself can backfire. OP doesn't have to volunteer her personal information but bull shitting the guy might blow up in her face. I know she thinks he's a dick but if he's very young he probably has a clumsy approach and is foolishly trying to impress her. For goodness sake tell the lad you're not interested.

softlysoftly · 02/06/2014 19:22

Oh thank fuck someone else said that. It's ridiculous that a little woman needs to being in a big beefy man for protection Hmm

Op you are an adult choosing to buy a home with a partner. Grow up and get rid of any pests yourself. Be polite but aloof and downright direct if necessary.

vrtra · 02/06/2014 19:39

Erm he is Dan out of him and her. Except on the show it was her uncle not her cousin his ex slept with. If this is real avoid like the plague or he will drink all your beers and wipe his bum on your towels.

CumberCookie · 02/06/2014 20:30

I think GatoradeMeBitch has a point actually. Men shouldn't think it's ok to intrude of a woman's home and make them feel uncomfortable - telling them they haven't put furniture together properly (whilst probably thinking "she's a woman - what does she know?") This guy lives above them as well, coming out every time they arrive - I'd feel a little threatened tbh and may well have invented a boyfriend on the spur of the moment to keep him off my back.

Its all well and good saying "oh you shouldn't have done that" or "you shouldn't need to" but the fact is the OP thought it WAS necessary.

Staywithme · 02/06/2014 22:25

On one hand the OP is offended because he treats her like a little woman by criticising her skills re furniture building, but on the other hand she wants to invent a big strong male protector to scare the bad man away. Hmm

I really hope for everyone's sake you can sort things out with your neighbour OP so you can all be happy in your homes.

CumberCookie · 02/06/2014 22:42

Yeah she must have forgot to put her "rational feminist" hat on when she felt creeped out and threatened.

Uptheanty · 02/06/2014 22:54

I agree with everyone who's said trust your instincts op

However, I think you are just extending the inevitable & making it more difficult for yourself.

He may calm down when he realises that you will not be attainable, he doesn't strike me as the sharpest tool in the box Hmm he also sounds very immature.

From another angle, you do need to protect yourself, if he has cause to dislike lesbians due to his past experience with his ex .

His behaviour at the door raises a red flag.
It is quite common for predatory people to rely on people's need to meet social expectations and use it to there advantage.
Ie.. Making your dp feel obligated to invite him in.

You need to stop this. The sooner the better.
Do not allow him entry into your home again regardless of how awkward it makes you feel.

Practice rebuffs.

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