to feel cross with my Dad? I probably am.

[EyelinerQueen]

My parents live in Ireland. I live in England. My sister lives in Spain.

My Dad is semi-retired. Him and my Mum last visited us in England 2+ years ago for a weekend.

My Dad last visited my sister in February this year for a month.

I just spoke to him and he's flying to Spain again tomorrow to stay with them again for 3 weeks.

I'm pissed off. I've had a shit year with my health and am 32 weeks into a complicated pregnancy. I'm due in July and my parents have booked a weekend (Fri-Mon) to visit.

I can't help but feel like my Dad is putting my sister and her kids before his other children and grandkids.

I don't get on brilliantly with my sister (who has form for being a selfish, demanding and rude madam) but that's a whole other thread.

I know I'm being U. He's a grown man who has already raised his kids and is free to go wherever he wants whenever he wants. I would never say anything to him about it. I promise I'm not entitled and I don't have any expectations of my parents and am glad they love DD so much and have such a nice time with her when they do see her.

I just feel a bit like the proverbial chopped liver .

I'm terrified of my impending birth, have a wonky thyroid that is affecting my moods massively and am feeling very lonely and isolated. It's just me, DP and DD in this city. No family or, if I'm brutally honest, friends either . We don't even have anyone to look after DD when I give birth.

IABU aren't I. Bah.

Sorry you're having a hard time.

Have you actually asked them to come over? Or to come when your baby is born?

Do they treat your sister's home as a holiday - Spain being warmer than here?

It's probably got a lot more to do with wanting a holiday in the sun than wanting to spend time with your sister over you.

I think its likely more of a case of 'Ooo Spain for a holiday' than your Sis being given preferential treatment OP. Have you told them how scared and alone you feel?

I don't think YABU. It does seem a bit unfair that he has visited her twice this year but only visited you 2 years ago. Mind you I can imagine why he likes spending time in Spain rather than England or Ireland especially during the winter. Could you invite them over for a week after your baby is born and you feel up to having visitors?

YANBU but I don't think he's prioritising your sister, I think he's prioritising the Spanish weather and cheap holidays over English weather.

When we lived in Cyprus we got far more visitors than we did when we lived elsewhere in the UK.

No he's not off to the sun.

They live in a not very attractive industrial part of a Northern Spanish city. Their house is in the middle of nowhere. He just stays at home and helps with the kids.

He and my Mum own a property elsewhere in Spain. They came back from their beach holiday 2 weeks ago .

Have you invited him to stay during the last 2 years?

If I had the choice of either going to Spain or going to England I know there'd be no competition.

Your dad isn't favouring your sister - he just wants a holiday somewhere nice and warm .

Cross post

How old are all the children involved - could it be he feels he connect better with the other children?

Is there enough room at your house that he'd feel comfortable there?

Does he like and get on with your partner?

Yes dexter. I've asked them both together and him on his own. There's always been another trip somewhere else on the horizon so the 'maybe' turns into 'another time'.

The weather is exactly the same there as it is here. Not that it matters. He hates the sun and dodges from shaded tree to shaded tree like some pasty Irish ninja. He also refuses to wear anything resembling sandals and wears socks and brogues with his shorts .

There are no problems with my partner. My parents love him.

When my mum gets tiddly she tells me how much she prefers my lovely easygoing DP to my (neurotic, spoiled mummy's boy) BIL.

Maybe it's not the weather as such. Maybe they just like the Spain itself.

YANBU. I would feel like you do. Could you tell them how you feel?

The? Where did that come from?

Anyway the fact they bought a property there and he doesn't like the sun, shows that he really likes Spain just because he lines Spain.

Well there HAS to be some reason. We can offer suggestions all day long and you can upset yourself over it time and time again but the reality is that you will never know the reason until you ask

Lines _ I give up

That does sound odd. Maybe you need to tell them that you would really like them to visit and that it makes you feel left out that they visit your sister more frequently and how you are feeling about the birth of your child.

OP, I know how much this hurts. I have real issues with my family on this score.

I wonder if you could do more to make your parents aware of how much you need their help right now... sometimes people need to be needed. I am rubbish at this, and I think it is one reason why I don't receive as much help as my sister (who is much like your sister, by the sounds of things).

If they go on to ignore your need for support, I would re-evaluate the relationship and maybe focus your energies on other people who will be more reciprocal. Being a grandparent isn't just about getting to do all the 'nice' stuff - it ought to be an important supportive role.

I'm concerned that you say you don't have any friends, and I wonder if this is something you could work on developing, so that you have a bit more of a network right where you live that you can rely on. What are the barriers to you doing this? (You sound lovely, so it can't be personality!)

Re friends shortage - anyone who can come up with the line dodges from shaded tree to shaded tree like some pasty Irish ninja is the sort of person I'd like to be friends with!

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you've batted back every suggestion posters have made about why your dad goes to your sister more than you. Which means if you're correct then, bluntly put, he either just prefers your sisters company or there's another reason which we could spend the next week debating, or you could just, you know, talk to your dad about it. And I mean properly talk - if he gets airy about it then tie him down to a proper conversation. If you're absolutely certain it's not just because he loves Spain (and despite what you say, the fact he owns a property there while hating the sun screams loudly to me that he DOES love Spain) then you need to have a chat with dear old dad

Thanks everyone.

My DD is 5. She is the apple of my parent's eye and the smartest, funniest and sweetest kid in existence.

My niece and nephew are 7 and 4. My niece is lovely. My nephew is spoilt and badly behaved to a shocking degree (throws furniture, screaming fits till he pukes, gets his own way all the time). My sister and BIL have questionable parenting tactics.

I suppose I am a coper. Or at least come across that way. I am quite no nonsense and self deprecating. That cracked a bit this week and I ended up sobbing on the phone to my Mum for an hour.

My lack of friends/problems making friends has been a problem for a long while Isabella. I don't know where to start. I go through bursts of actively trying and going to groups etc but it never turns into anything and then I crawl back inside my shell (and spend too much time on MN).

I don't think I could bring myself to tell my Dad I'm annoyed. Like I say, he's free to do as he chooses and I would feel like a selfish drama queen in pointing out that I think it's unfair.

Vino I've always been my Dad's favourite child. He has gone above and beyond for me in the past.

We are very close and on the same intellectual and cultural wavelength. We talk on the phone for long periods a few times a week and I know he confides in me in ways that he doesn't with my sister.

And thank you Alpaca

Don't spose you're in W Yorks are you?!

You don't have to tell your dad that you are annoyed- just a bit hurt and upset.

I'm afraid not Eyeliner - deep down south in Wiltshire. Sorry!

I think it's more about your sister "needing" their help and support. Would you be happy having your parents think that they have to come and stay with you for a month at a time otherwise you'd not be able to cope with your DS?

They obviously feel that even though your sister has moved out, married and had children, she still needs parenting by them. It's quite sad really.

Could you go and stay with them - or arrange to go on holiday with them? I'd also say to them that when they're arranging their visits this year, to bear in mind how much they've seen of your sister and when the last time was that they came to see you. Say, "I don't want to make an issue out of it, but I do want you to think about how it makes me feel when you keep saying to me that you "might" come and see us and then postpone the trip, when you have flown to Spain to see sister twice this year. Don't think that because I don't ask for your help that I wouldn't enjoy you coming and staying with us". If they try to make excuses/argue their reasons, again repeat that you don't want to argue, but just want them to think about how it makes you feel and that you do miss them.