to ask why Mel Grieg is still crying while Michael Christian has moved on?

[kawliga]

There were two people in that prank call to Kate Middleton's hospital. The woman is unemployed, still crying (she is in the news again today and she still can't stop crying when she talks about it). She is absolutely gutted and her mother is receiving death threats. The man...he moved on with his career, he has a new talk show and it's all good. WTAF?

1. is he unreasonable for not being that bothered
2. is she unreasonable for being that bothered
3. Why did she resign and he didn't (see 1 and 2 above)?
4. AIBU?

! A nurse committed suicide.

I'd say that's a good reason to be upset.

As far as I understand she can't even get a job on community radio, her career is all but destroyed.

What gets me is that neither of them were responsible for the nurse's mental state and had no way of knowing that a prank call would tip her over the edge. She wasn't even the nurse who conversed with the radio show, she only put the call through to the ward. Someone of sound mind would never commit suicide over something so trivial.

I felt sorry for all of them at the time and I feel sorry for her now. Being made a scapegoat for a simple prank (calls of the same nature are on radio stations all over the world) must be horrendous.

I too would feel tremendous guilt but what seems to be so galling is that whilst her life has been tarred by these events, her co-host doesn't seem to be receiving any long term hassle? Not that he should but she seems to have shouldered much of the blame.

My impression was - perhaps incorrectly - that Greig has had a breakdown. She may have been a more vulnerable character than Christian to begin with, who knows?

Is it because this is seen to reflect on her worse as a woman perhaps? It was an idiot prank most of us would have seen through and I do not think that she and the male DJ should be held responsible for the suicide. The poor woman who killed herself was clearly in a very bad place and being exceptionally hard on herself to do what she did. I can understand Mel Greig's upset over it though and the vitriol she has been on the receiving end of has been awful.

She did not have a breakdown, she just found it very upsetting and resigned. But the guy who was also in the same prank brushed it off and moved on.

Either their careers should both suffer, or none of their careers should suffer. I get that she may be more vulnerable than him (personality rather than gender) but that doesn't explain why she can't get a job now while his career is unaffected. Also why did the radio station accept only her resignation? It would have been fair for them to say either you both resign or you both stay. They did the prank call together.

Because resignation is a personal choice? She wasn't forced to do resign, and she couldn't be forced to stay. She chose to resign and he chose not to.

I really don't follow your logic here, OP. One wanted to resign - small blame to her - and the other didnt. I heard he has since transferred to another station though?

I'm not so sure that she is merely "upset". From what I've heard and read, she seems absolutely broken by the experience. From memory, he seemed more defiant and bullish in the TV interview, and may simply be more emotionally resilient than her.

It hardly follows that if one responds in a particular way, the other should also lose their job (which is effectively what would happen in your scenario).

I just think if it had been two women in the prank, or two men in the prank, the two would have stood or fell together. So I think the genders are relevant. It ended her career but not his. She is unable to find any other work but he doesn't have the same problem. Just seems shocking to me.

Yabu for trying to turn this Into a man vs woman issue. They coped differently, as does everyone.

I have to agree with Coffee

I think it's very simple. Michael Christian couldn't've cared less and so carried on as usual, completely unaffected. Mel Greig, on the other hand, still feels very guilty and responsible to some degree for Jacintha Saldanha's suicide, so doesn't want to continue broadcasting. Different people react differently to the same event.

she feels too much empathy and it's weighing her down. she needs to forgive herself. she's offering herself up to be judged at this stage. I hope she moves on from it. She could NOT have known. She deserves to forgive herself.

I'm afraid I also have to agree with Coffee. Not reluctantly though! Nobody was forced to resign.

I thought hers was a typically female response, and his a typically male response - very striking because they were in the deed together. Anyway, glad to see most people think it has nothing to do with that. I feel sorry for her but I can accept it better if it's all down to her personality rather than being exactly how most women would respond.

1. is he unreasonable for not being that bothered yes
2. is she unreasonable for being that bothered no
3. Why did she resign and he didn't (see 1 and 2 above)? because she actually seems to care & regret it. He doesn't.
4. AIBU? no

Someone of sound mind would never commit suicide over something so trivial.

Nice bit of victim blaming there.

To be fair, they should have BOTH been sacked.

Gruntfuttock Summed it up nicely for me.

A woman just won't be absolved by the media and public until she's sobbed and self-flagellated copiously. She's probably tipped herself into more substantial MH issues by trying to comply.

Same demands just aren't placed on the male miscreant.

How anyone could stay in a job where that happened is beyond me. if you ask me, she is the one who is having a normal reaction. I feel very sorry for her, she obviously can't forgive herself. how could she thinking of that woman's kids?

I think both should have resigned, not worked in media again, end of story. It was a stupid Nasty prank that went very wrong. How he has got away with no punishment is shocking. Someone died as a result of their actions. Ok they couldn't have foreseen it but they actions led to the nurses death. Shocked someone blaming the nurse! Yes she took her life but she was named and shamed in the papers across the world. Her guilt and shock and horror must have been awful. She loved b eing a nurse and reports were she was very good. Suicide is sometimes a split minute decision and at that point with the pressure from the hospital, media etc she made a bad decision. She needed support and to blame her for those feelings at that time is cruel. I ask one question how would you gave coped with all that pressure and blame and worried about loosing the job of your dreams? My thoughts are with her husband and young children not the silly radio DJs.

I don't think it's victim blaming to be of the opinion that suicide would not be a normally proportionate response to that type of incident, and to suggest therefore that there may have been an underlying MH issue that meant the prank call was the last straw for poor Jacintha. And I say that as someone who is married to a man with chronic MH disabilities who has recurring suicidal ideation so I don't dismiss it lightly.

However there is a tenet in law that "you take your victim as you find them". Just because you don't know that X suffers from Y doesn't absolve you of responsibility and guilt if tragedy happens as a result of your action + their condition. I suspect that regardless of the presence or absence of any formal legal proceedings in the wake of the incident, Mel Grieg as an empathic person has taken that maxim to heart whereas Michael Christian, perhaps, has not.

I don't think she was named and shamed actually rach

I don't recall her being named and shamed either. The immediate aftermath focused very much on Grieg and Christian and it was only after Jacintha's death that her name was so widely reported. That's not to play down how difficult it must have been for her though, whether her name and photo were being splashed across the papers during her lifetime or not.

Fide I thought she was. (Try's to remember what was written before, the media was certainly around the hospital like honey bees around a honey pot) Everyone in the hospital would have more importantly the nurse knew and blamed herself for it. For somebody with MH problems this could have been the last straw. A cruel prank which resulted in the death of someone. (Unforeseen i know)

I'm sure she felt pressure, but none of the staff involved in accepting or transferring the calling had been named prior to the suicide, I think. The hospital was protecting them well.