Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to request a female doctor after the experience I had?

35 replies

charliexcy · 01/06/2014 19:04

I had my first smear test at the age of 25 and it came back with severe cell change, CIN 3. A few weeks later, I went for a colposcopy, which was carried out by a female consultant who was very gentle with me and took a biopsy. Obviously, it wasn't a pleasant experience but I felt fine after and she was very understanding.

I was asked to attend for another colposcopy to have the CIN removed, this time with a male consultant. It couldn't have been more different to my previous experience. From the moment he put the clamp inside me, I felt this awful searing pain. He was quite careless when carrying out internal procedures and I just remember him roughly shoving loads of medical gauze inside of me, then putting his whole fist up there to pull it out, completely blood soaked. It was horrible and I was in pain the whole way through.

I burst into tears as soon as I climbed off of the chair. The nurses were lovely but he was completely uncaring, just said "oh, it's just because she's relieved it's over" while standing in the corner changing his gloves, not even looking at me. I was actually crying out of pain and distress. It took me a while to stop thinking about it and I was bleeding for 9 weeks after. This emotional reaction isn't normal for me. I have a high pain threshold and have never felt so awful after an internal examination before.

A letter came through this week asking me to attend another colposcopy for a 6 month check up - with the same male consultant. I don't want him anywhere near me again because he hurt me so much and was very rough.

AIBU if I phone up and request the female consultant I saw before, even though the male one seems to be handling my case and all correspondence is from him?

OP posts:
Catsize · 01/06/2014 19:06

Did you not make a complaint? If not, why not?

WelshMaenad · 01/06/2014 19:08

No, you would not.

Would you consider making a complaint to PALS about how he treated you? It is unacceptable. You poor thing.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 19:08

YANBU

I always request female doctors. Even for general check ups.

isitsnowingyet · 01/06/2014 19:10

YANBU!! I would definitely ask for a female doctor. It sounds like he was dreadfully insensitive and at worst incompetant.

Perhaps the OP doesn't want to make a complaint.

charliexcy · 01/06/2014 19:13

I thought about complaining but I don't know if it would be of any use. He seems to be a respected consultant in that department and there were 3 nurses present and they didn't seem to think he was out of line. I doubt anything would happen and it might make things awkward. I will potentially need more treatment and I don't want to make things difficult for myself.

Also, I wasn't sure how painful others have found this procedure (LLETZ) so at the time I thought the pain was normal. He was very insensitive though.

OP posts:
WolfMoon · 01/06/2014 19:13

You are absolutely not BU to request a female doctor, and I think that you should definitely do so if it will make you feel more comfortable. The male doctor sounds like a prat. If the female consultant isn't around that day, there is likely to be a different female consultant or registrar kicking around who will be able to do it.

myusernameis · 01/06/2014 19:14

I think it's absolutely fine to ask for the woman who saw you the first time. If you get asked why I think I would say because the man was so rough.

I remember the first time I had an sti check the person who did it (a woman) was so rough I was really put off from getting any sort of examination down there.

Luckily the next time, I had something gynecological done I saw a different woman was very gentle and reassuring and it was a nicer experience. It really makes such a difference to have someone with a decent bedside manner.

WolfMoon · 01/06/2014 19:15

X-posted with you, OP. If you want to make a complaint do so. It doesn't matter how well respected a doctor is, if a complaint is made it will absolutely be looked at. It might not have any immediate effect IYSWIM, but there will be a record of it and if there are other complaints there will be further investigation. If you do require further treatment you can ask for your care to be transferred to another consultant, you don't have to remain under his care.

The nurses can't always say anything at the time, it would be deemed unprofessional in earshot of a patient.

BeingAMummyIsFabulous · 01/06/2014 19:17

Oh you poor thing. Shock Your experience is completely awful and totally unnecessary. Angry You are not being unreasonable in the slightest to request a femal consultant, in fact after your experience, I would urge you phone them and ask for her. If by some chance she isn't available, I would ask for another doc, female if you prefer. If I was you, I would not be returning to see the male consultant. The procedure you are undergoing is bad enough without being in unnecessary pain due to carelessness and disregard. I really wish you the best luck in this. Be strong and do not be deterred.

harriet247 · 01/06/2014 19:18

:( thats awful awful awful. Deffo ask for the female consultant.

DrizzlyTuesday · 01/06/2014 19:22

You wouldn't be unreasonable to request a female doctor anyway but
YADNBU after that experience. WTF did he think he was doing!

Billygoats · 01/06/2014 19:27

YANBU after your experience. I'm the opposite I saw a female doctor for my smear and she was awful but then had a male doctor conduct an episitomy and fix me back up and he was the nicest gentlest person.

I hope you get the best outcome for you.

CarmineRose1978 · 01/06/2014 19:40

I think it's worth saying when you're in there that you want them to use the smallest speculum they have too. I always request this because even though I'm 35 and not even slightly virginal, the normal-sized speculum they usually use just won't go in easily, even if I'm relaxed. I mentioned this to a friend who was complaining about how unpleasant her smear test was, and she hadn't realised you could ask for a smaller one, so I thought perhaps a lot of people don't know. They should oblige - after all, they want to get through it as quickly and easily as you do.

CarmineRose1978 · 01/06/2014 19:41

Actually, I'm 36. Shit, that crept up on me!

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 01/06/2014 19:46

YANBU.

I had quiet a bad experience of a male gyny consultant . Nurse was right beside him.

I felt violated when I came out. I've had many problems down below, so lots 'routing about' but nothing like that before .

I wish I had complained.

expatinscotland · 01/06/2014 19:51

YANBU.

PicandMinx · 01/06/2014 20:00

YADDDNBU.

Complain OP. The insenstive bastard will continue to abuse other women otherwise. If he doesn't get any "feedback" he won't know how much of a shit he is being.

You can refuse the care of any HCP - nurse, doctor or consultant. If you don't wish to be examined by him in the future - just say no. Keep your underwear on and insist on another doctor. You cannot be forced to accept poor care. You will be amazed how quickly another doctor can be found if a patient kicks up a fuss.

Cardinal · 01/06/2014 20:02

Make sure you see a different doctor. Under no circumstances let this man touch you again. And let them know why, please.

Hobbes8 · 01/06/2014 20:07

I wouldn't assume that all female doctors will be better or more gentle than all male doctors. But you certainly shouldn't see the same man who was rough before if you don't want to, or put up with poor care. I hope the next procedure goes better.

Darksideofthemoon88 · 01/06/2014 20:49

No, absolutely ask for someone else. As Hobbes says, a female won't necessarily be better - but if you'd feel more comfortable with a female, then ask for one. Same as if you'd like to see the lady you originally saw, request it (and tell them why). I'd encourage you to make a complaint as well.

Letitsnow9 · 01/06/2014 22:35

Also worth telling the doctor you next see that the previous time was traumatic

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 01/06/2014 22:42

I had a collie and LETZ (loop excision) and it didn't hurt, wasntr even uncomfortable. Please complain and definitely request a different Dr. It shouldn't be like that OP, x

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 01/06/2014 22:43
  • colposcopy
GatoradeMeBitch · 01/06/2014 23:12

Definitely insist you see someone else!

Purplefrogshoes · 01/06/2014 23:19

Yanbu i would ask for someone else. I had an awful experience when I went into to hospital for erpc after mc, consultant was awful, I complained and he apologised and I think it may make him more mindful in future

Swipe left for the next trending thread