to ask how you discovered your 2 year old was on the spectrum?

[livvielife]

My dd is almost 2 and I think she's showing autistic traits. I've worked with autistic children briefly, but they were several years older, so I'm not sure if I'm misinterpreting things that may be normal toddler behaviour. Here's a few examples that concern me:

She has two words only. One is mama that she repeats often but sometimes randomly rather than in relation to me, the other is yeah which she says hundreds of times per day. She doesn't repeat speech or try to.

She eats very few foods. She'll rarely try anything new but if she does and likes it she'll want that constantly for weeks, then it'll change to a different food.

She cannot stand physical contact or lack of personal space from anyone but me. Today we were at mils and dd was sitting on the worksurface a foot away from me having a snack while I washed up. Dd saw mil coming towards her and was whimpering and flapping because she thought mil would pick her up, as mil got closer and I was trying to dry my hands it looked as though dd would rather fall off the work surface rather than mil pick her up Even if someone touches her arm she screams and has never really been held by anyone but dp or I as she gets absolutely hysterical and thrashes around so much they could drop her.

She develops fears of random things such as leaves, sand, grass etc and can't abide being near them or even seeing them in a book then after a few weeks the fear will change.

I could go on but I'd be really interested to hear others experiences and opinions if you'd be kind enough to share/help.

DS was dx at 2 and a half, but I went to my HV and was ref'd for assessment a few months before.

He didn't talk at all
Didn't sleep
Was hugely anxious about all sorts of things
Didn't cry properly
Lined up cars, fixated on particular toy (brio train track), didn't plAy with us, just used us to help him
Massively frustrated at his inability to communicate (he was, I mean although us too!)
Would watch dvds over and over and indicate for the same episode over and over
Sensory issues: panicked by loud noise, shopping centres and supermarkets were a nightmare
Disliked being approached or spoken to by people outside the home
Liked his little home with mum and Dad but anything outisde of routine made him terribly anxious

I don't know if that's helpful but I made a bullet point list and asked my hv to come round. She left with the list and refered us to a Paed to discuss our concerns and it went from there.

Well dd was diagnosed a week after her second birthday so at time of diagnosis she was pretty much silent didn't vocalise at all, never cried or laughed and was very passive so if you sat her in one spot she would still be there much much later.
She showed no attachment to me or the rest of our family and would have happily gone off with anyone without a backward glance.
She did a lot of patting the floor, table, toys, people and food.
She never indicated that she wanted anything so if you didn't physically give her a drink she would go all day without drinking.
She would eat dry food and fed herself because she wouldn't be spoon fed but if you didn't put the first piece in her hand she'd stick her head in the bowl to eat like a dog.
She was very aloof, she was often mistaken for a doll because if I carried her she held herself stiff away from my body and in the pram she would be silent and motionless she'd never turn to look at anything.
Now she is 11 and an absolute joy and bears no resemblance to the little girl at diagnosis.

DS had very few words. The only things he could say were shapes, colours, numbers and letters. He was obsessed with them and would spend hours looking at shapes, trying to draw them, or would bring a pen and paper over to me if DH and make us draw them.

He wasn't interested in us very much (unless he wanted to draw shapes) and was extremely independent with play from the word go. We tried all sorts of strategies to get him to engage with us but he just wasn't interested. He was interested in other children, but all he would do is play chase - any other activity he would play alongside, but not with them iyswim.

He hated singing. He would scream and cry and hide if he came into contact with any kind of singing. He still doesn't like it, but he is able to cope better now. He also hated traffic noise, and would be terrified of a particular busy set of crossroads near to where we lived.

He was very, very shy around other adults. He hated being at nursery because he hated us leaving him. This included extended family. It would take him a good few hours at every visit before he would try and interact with them. He got much better at this once he was moved to a SN nursery when he was 3 - I still worry about what the first nursery did that made him so scared

To be honest, the main thing for me is that he was nowhere near his peers in terms of social and communicative development. My friend had her son 7 months after I had mine, and her son was always streets ahead when it came to what he said, and how he played with other children. I tried to deny it for a long time.

It was actually his first nursery who said that something wasn't right. We were referred to SALT, who in turn referred to an Educational Psychologist, who moved him to the SN nursery where he thrived.

If you have any questions, give me a shout

Meant to say, I also worked with ASD kids and I think I saw his autism much younger, but told myself that I was just projecting my fears because I knew about autism. My mum also saw the autism and I rolled my eyes at her for several months before slowly acknowledging to myself that there was something there. Also, he was my pfb, and although I have grown up in a large extended family and been around young children all my life, the stark difference in development of him and my second son, NT, when he came along, really shocked me.

I knew something was wrong when she was a few months old. She didn't do the appropriate things like saying 'Dada' or waving good bye. Just generally was withdrawn and didn't seem sociable.
At age 2 -
didn't play with her toys, or at least not in the way intended
Obsessed with TV , but used to get frightened by random things (eg the soles of the Teletubbies feet when they laid down, cows )
Used to flap her hands
Spin round for minutes at a time without getting dizzy
Sometimes would laugh hysterically for no visible reason
No language at all
Very withdrawn when out, would usually just go to sleep in her buggy
Would sometimes go and lie down in a corner and fall asleep (as a way of withdrawing from a stressful situation)
Hated noise, especially lots of voices (still does). A baby crying was very frightening
Didn't interact with other children at all.

My DD1 wasn't diagnosed until much older but the signs we there when she was 2.

She hated interacting with all other children and anyone else she didn't know really well. She wouldn't have anything to do with her poor godmother who loved her to bits.

She used to scream for the whole of every car journey.

She taught herself to read not long after her second birthday.

She used adult tones of voice.

Wherever we went she just wanted to go home.

She didn't play with small world/imaginative toys at all but loved puzzles.

She hated to touch anything messy or sticky. I remember watching her try for ages to stand up without putting her hands down on the grass.

She needed about half the number of hours sleep a day that I did.

They told me at nursery that they had concerns. I didn't have a clue. In hindsight I remember crying before his two year check because I knew he wouldn't pass it. He was non verbal till three and when he did speak it was echolalia, mainly from Thomas the Tank engine. He seemed fine at home, affectionate, good eye contact but only with me and his grandma. With strangers he just didn't seem to hear them and never followed instructions at nursery, just seeming not to hear.

In addition:-

Lining up of cars, no imaginary play.
Never seeming to be aware of hunger or thirst. I always anticipated it.
Poor sensory awareness - would get in too hot bath and not seem aware, hands like ice and blue lips when cold but not aware and certainly wouldn't verbalise it. He's 11 now and fully verbal but I have never in his life heard him say "I am cold or hot"

Dd also has autism and while it's very different in her some of the initial symptoms were the same. Lack of speech, grouping and lining up toys rather than "playing"with them. She was a very high needs baby, whereas ds had been very laid back. Again I knew she wasn't ready for milestones such as starting nursery and two year check.

They're both loads better now, I always say "they get there in the end, just takes them a year or two longer than other children" and I have been proved in this time and time again.

I'm totally used to it now and wouldn't have them any other way. I feel lucky to have them and couldn't be a prouder Mum.

Will come back if I think of anything else.

Thanks for your replies. A lot sounds familiar except the being independent and withdrawn parts. It's like dd can only see the world with me and her in it and if anything or anyone encroaches on that it scares her. She is much more independent when we are home alone but when out she will panic if it seems someone is going to pass us on the pavement. Unless they have a dog, which she loves. She lines toys up obsessively and remembers and gets upset if they've been moved. She's never slept longer than 4 hours and only ever with me beside her. She seems to not notice other children unless they get too close, then she screams.

I remember camping with our DD, goldmandra, and her being desperate not to touch the grass. She'd just started crawling, so she was 18mo. She started screaming the tent down at 4:30 am, so after 30mins, we just packed up, and drove home. From Wales. She screamed in the car for another hour and a half, then conked out with exhaustion.

She does love camping now though She's 8.

Doesn't really like grass though

Wow, all of these signs are individually usual phases anyway....its so hard to tell isnt it.

I am a little worried as DD is not speaking and keeps doing a lion noise for all animals, she got a few noises but now its all lion and she cant say any words yet. she is 18 months. she also goes very shy when strangers look at her.

Wow, all of these signs are individually usual phases anyway....its so hard to tell isnt it.

I think that's an aspect of ASD that can be very hard for parents. Lots of children don't like getting their hands messy or don't sleep well. The difference is the impact these traits have on the child's ability to function in everyday ways. Traits that can be an inconvenience to some children can be severe enough to be very disabling to a child with ASD, yet sound the same when described briefly.

Does she answer when called, and make eye contact when spoken to? Does she bring you toys to initiate play? Will she point at an airplane in the sky or a dog (you said she like dogs!) does she attempt to share things with you which she likes?

Those things are more developmental and less phasey than other behaviours so are more useful for being able to spot ASD. The 'cut off' for pointing for example, is 18 months.

Speech delay until circa 2, sensory hypersensitivities, rigidities around routine and social interaction.

Why is this in AIBU? there is a far more relevant topic.

For traffic silly?

Yes because it's a really urgent question that needed immediate answers and wouldnt possibly have gotten those same answers in the behaviour/development topic when more people were around tomorrow daytime

ds was not diagnosed until four but I saw signs well before then. he waved coathangers repetitively and deliberately back and forth. he was interestedin details. played with wheels., was facinated with the pushchair wheels.
he spoke very little at first though he taught himself to sign some things from something special.

Silly when you are wide awake and worried about a toddler with atypical development, immediate opinions are helpful.

Besides daytimes with demanding preschoolers are full-on . When I had a smilar toddler a wee sometimes got postponed for hours nevermind the considered construction of important paragraphs.

She's not hurting anyone.

Have you tried M-chat? It was useful in pointing us in the right direction. DD was diagnosed at 2.9. Initial big concerns started at about 20 months.
Stopped interacting for a while
Lack of need for our praise or approval
No pointing, waving. Unresponsive to gestures generally.
Squeaky sing song voice with weird intonation.
Did not use yes or no or gestures to go with until she was 3.5
Very obvious differences to peers when I took her to Gymboree. Would not go over to get tambourine and then when given it she went inyo the corner, threw it repeatedly onto the floor and laughed hysterically.
Speech very unclear.

Yes Silly but responses will be quicker here. What difference does it make to you? There are no rules on the topics allowed in AIBU, and OP has got some very informative answers. Just proves she was right to post here. It doesn't always have to be a sniping session.

What's your problem silly

She's obviously asking if she is being unreasonable to ask how people discovered ASD in their 2yo.

If you think it's an unreasonable question then clearly your answer would be yabu.

I don't think she is being unreasonable to ask so mine would be YANBU

That's how AIBU works.

Or are we meant to confine all topics that mention disability to the special needs section?

Just to reassure, once diagnosed we were given lots of support and she was introduced to various techniques to help her make sense of things (PECS, visual timetable, etc) and things are a lot better now that she has a bit more understanding. Her speech is coming on beautifully and although she struggles massively with anxiety and rigid thinking still, she is still doing far better than I ever hoped .

It makes a difference because it's yet another non AIBU in AIBU and defeats the whole purpose of people being able to hide certain topics if others are just going to pick a topic at random and post instead of the one it relates to. As for the 'for traffic' thing- if you post in B/D it jumps to the top of active convos exactly the same as it does in AIBU so that one is pretty pointless as a reason.

Looks like a AIBU to me.

People are perfectly entitled to answer YABU I don't want to tell you or YABU I dot have a child on the spectrum.

If you want to hide threads that mention disability go ahead, but don't enforce it on everybody else. Who thinks she is not BU and is perfectly ok to ask

Point taken silly but let's make an exception for a worried mum eh?