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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a lot of the time having someone in the family with a disability does mean being long term poor?

575 replies

extremepie · 31/05/2014 14:06

Obviously this is not the case for everyone but it certainly is for me!

I know that families with a disabled member do get extra help in the form of extra tax credits, DLA, carer's allowance ha! etc but aibu to think that due to the often extra expenses that are incurred by having someone with a disability in the family all this doesn't go as far as you might think?

Due to my current circumstances, I am not able to work and I can't see this changing in the near to moderate future unless something drastically changes. This is not unusual, as a lot of us just can't work around all the medical appointments, time off required to look after them etc so working is just not feasible but I hate the idea that this current situation is all I have to look forward to in the future and that my financial situation will not really improve :(

Aibu to think I'm not alone in this and that for a lot of people having to manage the needs to someone with a disability means they are struggle in the long term? In most circumstances if your money situation is tight you can either try and earn more money or cut your expenses but often people with a disabled family member can't do either!

OP posts:
Deverethemuzzler · 31/05/2014 19:13

Chelsy I am finding your insights into living with disability, based on knowing someone with a visual impairment once, absolutely invaluable.

Do please go on.

I think bringing Oscar Pistorius, the successful wealthy, fit, well supported, murderer into the mix is particularly enlightening

dawndonnaagain · 31/05/2014 19:13

So, Chelsy which bit of your post is not offensive to the rest of us either with disabilities, or caring for those with disabilities?

ouryve · 31/05/2014 19:14

You know what, Chelsy. Never mind stifling DS2's ambition by thinking about what special school will be best for secondary, we should be pushing him for Eton and getting him into politics.

Parliamentary debates can easily be carried out by the medium of Makaton, PECS and hand dragging, surely?

tabulahrasa · 31/05/2014 19:14

Happy

Parents of children with disabilities are more likely to be lone parents, in some areas childcare just doesn't exist (mine for instance), so on top of needing school hours in term time only, there's medical appointments and school appointments and things like part time timetables and other illegal exclusions to fit round.

I can't comment on work rates for adults with other disabilities as it's not something I have experience of, but I do know that only 15% of adults with autism are employed so realistically that's 85% of adults with autism more than likely still a dependent in some way.

That's not pessimism, it's just what the situation is.

dawndonnaagain · 31/05/2014 19:15

Just to add to MostWicked's post. Carer's Allowance, when awarded is then removed if you are on benefits. It counts as 'income you already have coming in'. Happy take note.

Deverethemuzzler · 31/05/2014 19:16

Just a small point.

I have to go court just to get my DS into a school that can meet his needs.

I didn't have to do that with his siblings.

Want to guess why?

Deverethemuzzler · 31/05/2014 19:17

Also you can only claim CA once, regardless of the number of people you are caring for.

Smilesandpiles · 31/05/2014 19:18

Devere - It may be that I'm having to do the same thing soon.

saintlyjimjams · 31/05/2014 19:19

If your child attends school then it's a luxury to be at home all day and not work even part time. Yes there are appointments but they can be juggled, I've seen it done

Someone tried to persuade me to apply for a 12 hour per week position (flexible working). But the thing I had to explain to them was that every single school holiday I would not be able to work those 12 hours. So yes it was 'only' 12 hours. But for every school holiday and half term it was 12 hours too many. However much I juggled I cannot produce a play scheme that can take ds1 & I cannot find people who can have him on a timetable dictated by me.

So I carry on working for myself. That way if I'm up with him from 3am I can at least sneak off for a snooze for an hour mid morning & it's only my own work I'm messing up.

ChelsyHandy · 31/05/2014 19:21

PartialFancy "The man was also a successful athlete, with a guide runner. Well, yes, exactly. You've just proved the point that it costs more to be disabled

Guide runners are volunteers. I have never heard of anyone doing it for money.

You really don't know anything at all about disabled sport, do you?

Christ, the amount of media coverage for disabled athletes is now very good. There really is no excuse for not having any knowledge of how disabled athletes in mainstream events compete, if you are going to post on a thread like this.

nahidontthinkso · 31/05/2014 19:22

Another parent here who has just been through tribunal process to get a disabled child the education he deserves. Just think about that when you have nothing more to worry about than OFSTED rating for your little darling's school.

AmberLeaf · 31/05/2014 19:22

Why are there never any threads on mumsnet about how much disabled people can do? And why the bitter criticism of anyone who has the temerity to speak out about it and criticise offensive stereotyping?

Go and start a thread like that then.

It isn't offensive stereotyping, people are here on this thread talking about our reality.

hellokittymania · 31/05/2014 19:22

Dawn, yes I know. Some of my classmates are blind and have severe sn so can't work.

I'm a rebel, so when people don't expect me to do things, the more I want to. Grin

As for working, in my school, we have
A language line interpreter
An IT specialist (does NGO work in Honduras)
A nurse
A girl who trained as a nurse, but works as a nanny
Girl who has 4 disabled children, including a son with autism. Her children were taken into care.
A girl who has 5 children and is a pharmacist
A girl who is a single mum, had a job but was fired.
Social worker
A boy who works in a factory, wife has 2 children and Sahm
Another sahm who has never worked
a sahm, worked at McD's
Guy who works at comcast
a uni staff
A lawyer (she did her internship in Holland)
Guy who started his own business to create materials for vi
A few musicians, 3 or 4
guy with VI and SN worked at supermarket, now unemployed
A sahm of 2, she doesn't speak english well and is unemployed
A few people with VIs are able to drive cars!!!! 3, all em
Girl who won fullbright, taught in Germany,
Guy works as a manager in security company
massage therapist
deafblind girl at uni
Many are young and still at uni

For no children, no job (not in education) I can think of 34 people, some have multiple disabilities.

Smilesandpiles · 31/05/2014 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Deverethemuzzler · 31/05/2014 19:22

smiles exciting isn't it?
not

dawndonnaagain · 31/05/2014 19:24

Oh my Lord Chelsy you patronising cow! You are here, talking to people with disabilities, people who care for people with disabilities and all you can do is continue to be rude and offensive despite it being pointed out to you by almost everybody, that you are being rude and offensive. Why?

Devere strange, I had to do that, too!

AmberLeaf · 31/05/2014 19:25

Chelseyhandy you are posting as though you are some sort of expert, who is here to illuminate us all.

The fact that you can't grasp what the point of this thread and what people are saying about their experiences of living with disability/a disabled family member, just shows, you really know fuck all.

TheFairyCaravan · 31/05/2014 19:25

Some posters might not know a lot about disabled sport, Chelsy, but you have absolutely no fucking clue about life as a disabled person, caring for a disabled person or living with a disabled person.

You are, also, coming across as a bit of an arse!

Antiopa12 · 31/05/2014 19:26

Happy You are having a larf! Are you some kind of comedian???

Were you that poster that told that poor girl on a previous thread to abandon her very seriously ill baby , get a job and give up caring for her terminally ill partner???
Heh, heh heh heh........

Smilesandpiles · 31/05/2014 19:26

I'm dreading it. We're both loosing what little sleep we already get because I'm know the school he's been allocated won't cope and he's stressing because he's the one having to go.

I can see me having to take this school to court too to make sure he actually get's the 1-1 he's been awarded...they are notorious for not doing it.

SatansFurryJamHats · 31/05/2014 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 31/05/2014 19:28

Chelsy You're telling us all about what disabled can do but I wonder if you're disabled?

Smilesandpiles · 31/05/2014 19:29

Judging by her posts on this thread so far, I'd guess she works for Atos.

hellokittymania · 31/05/2014 19:30

Tabula, for blind and VI it varies. I know people who travel first class on international flights.... I also know one who works in a supported factory...

Someone from RNIB once told me statistics weren't reliable. "90% of employers won't hire VI" Well, how could they interview EVERY employer in the UK?

TheFairyCaravan · 31/05/2014 19:30

I reckon she's George Osborne!

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