To think that a lot of the time having someone in the family with a disability does mean being long term poor?

[extremepie]

Obviously this is not the case for everyone but it certainly is for me!

I know that families with a disabled member do get extra help in the form of extra tax credits, DLA, carer's allowance ha! etc but aibu to think that due to the often extra expenses that are incurred by having someone with a disability in the family all this doesn't go as far as you might think?

Due to my current circumstances, I am not able to work and I can't see this changing in the near to moderate future unless something drastically changes. This is not unusual, as a lot of us just can't work around all the medical appointments, time off required to look after them etc so working is just not feasible but I hate the idea that this current situation is all I have to look forward to in the future and that my financial situation will not really improve :(

Aibu to think I'm not alone in this and that for a lot of people having to manage the needs to someone with a disability means they are struggle in the long term? In most circumstances if your money situation is tight you can either try and earn more money or cut your expenses but often people with a disabled family member can't do either!

Actually chelsy, i'm not trying to be offensive, i gave two genuine examples of people who have compared their lives to mine.

Honestly I really do find this thread horiffically offensive. Medicine for example is a profession/job with one of the highest rates of suicide. My friend who was a doctor killed herself following what you would dismiss *BeyondTheLimits" as a month off with mild depression. Possibly, because she kept it quiet and kept working. I miss her a lot. How dare you belittle my friend's illness.

Looking, I created my own job and I work in Asia, so no accomodation and it's hard work. There are no laws for disability here and the highest DLA is $13 per month.

Just because people manage to work doesn't mean their disability is not less serious, or that they wish to classify themselves as disabled at all.
And just because some people do not manage to work doesn't mean they're all feckless, workshy scroungers, and before you say you didn't say that, actually, you did. In everything you said. Some disabled people can work, some can't. It doesn't make their disability any the less disabling whether or not able to work.

The workplace needs to be more accommodating to people with disabilities. We've come a long way, but there's still people that have trouble being allowed even a stool to sit on at the cash register. There's plenty of jobs that people with disabilities could do if there were better accommodations.

Chelsy just because you know people with those disabilities who can't work, doesn't mean everyone else can - and it isn't always a case of "well they can work because they're managing it better".

My dad has bipolar, PTSD and borderline personality disorder as well as fibromylagia. His CPN, the CMHT and representatives of the DWP have all spoken to him, seen his history, his symptoms and what he's like now, and said there is no way he is able to work now, and the chances of him ever working in the future are very slim. It isn't offensive to acknowledge that people do exist in this situation - it would be offensive to suggest that someone else with the extreme level of mental illness my dad has could work if they had a positive mental attitude or 'if they really wanted to'. My dad would give anything to work. It just isn't going to happen.

I am genuinely sorry about your friend, chelsy

But honestly, you find the thread offensive? I think you need to try reading your own posts again with the eyes of someone who is living this life.
And how can you moan about people not working and then say that your friend committed suicide "possibly because she kept it quiet and kept working?"

I'm disabled, I have been for 18 years but had to stop working 8-9 years ago. No-one will employ me now, and tbh I can hardly say I blame them. I have hospital appointments monthly and have to go into hospital to have treatment under GA every 10-12 weeks.

We receive no outside help whatsoever. We never have, my DH and my DC (boys 19&17) are my carers. My 2 sons have had to do things that no teenager should have to do for their mother, but they do so without complaint. DH still manages to hold a job down in the RAF and go on active service, but it is only because of my kids.

ATM we manage. We have reduced housing costs because we live in a married quarter. We, therefore, managed to buy a brand new car for me because we are so scared of PIP and me losing my independence if we had stayed on Motability. We did this as soon as they made the announcements.

It is not just the financial strain, it is the emotional strain. If we want to plan a day out, we have to see if it is disabled friendly, planning a holiday is a nightmare. I never know in the morning if I am going to be well enough to take DS2 to school. DH never knows if he is going to get dinner when he gets in, if I am going to be out go bed etc.

I don't generally do "woe is me" and do try to keep my "glass half full". It could be worse, I could be dying. But every day this fucking Government is in power I worry about what will become of me. I hate the stigma they have put on me. I hate hearing and reading what other members of the public say about the likes of me. Disabled people don't deserve it.

Happymummy I have 2 DSs with SN. DH works full time. I'm in a voluntary role which typically requires me to attend a meeting, about 90 minutes away by public transport, once a month.

Some months I can't make it because of lack of childcare. The months I can make it are when DH is able to work from home that day. Not all of the work he does is possible to do at home, as often specialist equipment or direct liaison with customers is required. I enjoy this role, as it utilises skills and experience that I do have, as well as being worthwhile. No way could I hold down a regular paid job, though. In the past academic year, I have spent several weeks, during school time, preparing for a SENDIST tribunal. Several days home educating a child on the verge of a breakdown because he was finding school so stressful. Several days accompanying him on visits to a potential new school and, on top of that all the usual routine appointments and meetings related to both boys' disabilities. DS1 is starting at the new school I made a full time job of getting him into, next week, but on half days to start with, so will be home earlier than DS2, for a while.

Meantime, we're trying to get some essential repairs done to our house - requires either DH working on it at weekends or me doing what I can, while the boys are at school, on top of the routine stuff I do while they're at school.

I took advantage of a quiet moment to do a bit of ironing, earlier. While I was locked in the kitchen with the iron (can't do it in a bit of the house that the boys have free access too for safety reasons), DS2 did this to the blind in his room. Thankfully, we're amongst the lucky few for whom the top up benefits, plus living in a cheap housing area, means that we're not poor.

What pisses me off is that these people and posters spout crap like this and then those of us that have to bear the brunt of these judgemental and ignorant comment/opinions are left having to justify our existence...just for not being as lucky as others.

To make it worse, it doesn't matter how much explaining or correcting we do to make others understand or be a little more informed, most just don't take any notice and continue to spout offensive and ignorant shit and use it as a stick to beat us with.

Dawndonna, when I was in UK getting my NI number, the people at jobcentre were surprised I wanted to work (and even complimented me on my attitude. I was in the UK for 2 weeks and volunteered at Shelter. On the other hand, I was told I would need a social worker. I have rubella syndrome since my mum caught it in her first trimester. Not exactly a mild disability...

It's the way I manage it and my good attitude that has helped so.much, mostly anyway! :)

LOL at 'one person can work'. IF DD1 has survived her bone marrow transplant, it would have meant two entire years - two because hers was a stem cell graft - of being chained to that hospital AND having to go in there at the drop of a hat if she had even a sniffle. What to do with those other two pesky kids we had before she fell ill with that cancer, especially if DD1 had taken ill in the middle of the night.

Oh, the other thing is that risk of infection and death would have so great during those two years all of them would have to be home-tutored, with the council providing it for DD1 and DD2, who were both school age.

But well, she died.

Fairy I have bad days too.

Where is this bank of child minders that will take on a child with a disability so parents can work?

I found two in the county I mostly live in and none in the county I also stay in.

Of those two one had no clue at all and just talked the talk the other charges over £100 for each child per day and I have to provide 2 hours of carer respite per day that costs me £30 and a additional carer if she chooses to do any outside activities.

Depends on the disability and depends on the family.

If you are already fairly well off, it shouldn't really bankrupt you. But if you were scraping the barrel it's likely to make things a lot harder, yes.

Also as I say depends on the disability. I'm visually impaired - that doesn't mean I specifically needed a lot of help when I was younger. Equally those I have known with mild cerebal palsy or some muscle problems haven't had to have their families come out of work or spend a lot of money either.

However I do think learning disabilities can do this as you may need specially trained childminders to look after them.

But that only vaguely answers your OP - sorry! :o

Thanks hellokitty.

What pisses me off is that these people and posters spout crap like this and then those of us that have to bear the brunt of these judgemental and ignorant comment/opinions are left having to justify our existence...just for not being as lucky as others.

^This, exactly this!

Smiles, please don't feel that way. Many people post, some will agree, some won't. No need to justify yourself.

Expat, It's hard to say anything without being able to imagine it. I followed Ailidh's journey on FB. She was a tough little cookie and I didn't even know her.

happumummy

You are comparing going without things you want with disability related expenses?

HappyMummyOfOne you have no clue, do you?

Sigh... Sometimes, I wish i believed in karma.

Sorry, expat. I hope I spelled her name right.

I don't bother justifying myself anymore but on every single thread like this and I mean EVERY. SINGLE.ONE. someone feels like they have to justify themselves and their circumstances and reveal their story...and Smugmummy spouts the same deluded crap.

It's sickening.

Please don't let the ignorant fuckwitted cunts get you down
They are a minority.
Most of us know that illness or disability could happen to any of us. We are all a day away from an event that could turn our lives upside down with the huge financial implocations that can bring.