To be planning on killing all of the birds, especially the seagulls

[fatedtopretend]

It is 4am, they have been noisy for almost an hour

I once impressed a waitress in rural France (hard to do) by whacking a goose on the beak with my fork. It was pure instinct. One minute I was eating a romantic dinner in the courtyard, the next, this aggressively hissing bird came at me from nowhere.

She said that Les Anglaises usually gave in to Monsieur Oie and gave him food. It was June. She said by Michelmas he'd be dinner.

So we're keeping wren, robins and blackbirds? Blackbirds can be quite lound I have to say, but we'll nick their alarm clocks.

I'm going to add blue tits too. They are nice. Also blackcaps please, though they probably aren't bothering you so afe enough.

Ohwhat bugger should've pointed out he's in pest control, they're hired by businesses, landfill sites, power stations etc to get rid of seagulls and are allowed to destroy their nests if there's a public health issue not just that he's killing them for fun on his latest job, the gulls were swooping down and attacking people as they entered the business, some people had been hurt and they'd exhausted all non-lethal methods.

The seagull he whacked against a JCB, I asked him about it this evening - turns out he used his shotgun to try and scare it away (again, at work - not just on a whim ), stupid bird flew up as he shot and was hit by the bullet. He then panicked, thought he'd only clipped it and rather than do the sensible thing and shoot it again to put it out of its misery (although it was already dead), he panicked and whacked it against a JCB whilst crying to try and kill it properly.

Oh my big brave macho man

I live and work in an hotel in Cornwall. Every bloody day I get a seagull shampoo and my car well don't even bastard well talk about it. £6.50 for care wash I can never get the crap off myself. Ssssssssshhhh tonight I have placed 2 hotel sheets over my trusty rusty focus so she should be shit free in the morning

moomin what a stupid bird to try and fly away as someone was trying to shoot it

m.youtube.com/watch?v=S0ZbykXlg6Q&feature=kp

About 6 of the bastards, right near my head. The fuckers.

Cat is useless.

Is rather shoot all the fucking motorist and other human noisemakers. Birdsong is a gorgeous thing to wake up to.

I like seagulls! I've lived on the coast all my life and find their early morning squawks quite soothing.

To be fair, everyone else I know hates them with a passion so I do understand.

I wouldn't be sorry to lose the magpies ...

Mogz, I will do some rehearsing of the particularly lovely birdsong I hear every day and come perform it for you whilst you sleep if you like?

Caaaaawwwwwww, caaaawwwww, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Shit, going to have to work on my volume

I used to hate geese, but recently there was a bit of an incident at the nature reserve by me that has changed my mind. Yobs killed the male of the pair living there, and smashed up the eggs they had laid. The female is now there all alone and is just distraught. She has been looking for something to brood and just looks so sad. She just follows you around all heartbroken. :(

koothra that happened in a nature reserve? How awful!

koothra that's horrible! I hate geese (and swans) but that's just so cruel!

We have bastard magpies here. They're really loud. And bastard HopCat has a penchant for murdering them and their babies. This makes them make a lot of noise. Obviously.

Fuckers. All of them.

Yes, the geese lived on/around the fishing lake inside the nature reserve. They have been having lots of problems lately, people taking the fish out and leaving them dead on the side and vandalizing the storage container too. They actually took the boat and used it to get to the island in the middle of the lake to get to the eggs. I can't understand what on earth they got from doing it all but the poor goose is devastated.

It's like he bloody knew! Just had a dead baby magpie dumped at my feet. Toddler is hysterical and now the adult magpies are chasing bastard cat round the garden.

WIBU to staple a bell on to my murdering bastard cat?!

Chirpchirp (or whatever you've namechanged to) - your annoying bird is probably a great tit.

(I mean that's its species, not it's character, though at 4am you'd probably disagree...)

springbaby Um he wasn't trying to shoot it... he shot into the air to make the noise to scare it as the bird caller wasn't working. B

rusty Thanks to you, I've realised mine is a great tit too. 4am until 5am. Tuneless little fucker.

I noticed a seagull overhead yesterday in out town, and just thought oh no more buggers are likely to follow.

I have lived in my house for 16 years and until a few years ago we had no crows pigeons or dove thingies at all, they have moved in and make an almighty racket. Our drive has a huge patch of pigeon shit, they shag on the aeriel, chase each other up and down our roofs (bungalow style houses with bedrooms in the lofts so they wake you up.

Frankly they are too many of the noisy dirty fuckers and I dont know why they cant be culled

Apologies moomin wasn't seeing straight at 5.30 to read properly it seems.

Thanks rusty now at least I know what I'm looking for next time I'm pushed over the edge at 4am and have the urge to kill. And I agree, it is indeed a great fucking tit.

I am not in bed yet, the sun is definitely not out. Can any of you bird identifier types let me know which bird trills at this time?!

Most likely to be a robin, but lots of birds sing at night sometimes.

What an absolutely horrible, tasteless thread. Sitting salivating over all the ways to kill a sentient creature.

Buy a pair of earplugs.

DH shoots wood pigeons with an air gun in our back garden.

He also moans about them waking him up in the morning.

The other birds, however noisy are left alone, but wood pigeons are flying rats that decimate the surrounding farmers fields all year round.

He has a shotgun but refrains from using that!

Pumpkin - luckily people can't legally go round killing wild birds whenever they feel like it.

All British wild birds are protected by law. A tiny handful of species (including woodpigeons) may be humanely killed by 'landowners, occupiers or other authorised persons' under a general licence if they are causing serious damage to the landowner's crops etc, and only if it has been established that non-lethal methods of detering them are ineffective or impractical. I think it might be difficult for the average person shooting woodpigeons in their garden to prove they have satisfied the conditions of the licence if challenged. Full details here (for England, minor variations elsewhere in the UK): www.naturalengland.org.uk/Images/wml-gl04_tcm6-24149.pdf