To be planning on killing all of the birds, especially the seagulls

[fatedtopretend]

It is 4am, they have been noisy for almost an hour

Don't kill all the birds. There's owls living in the woods opposite, and they have a lovely mysterious hooting at night. I don't hear them often, and it seems such a treat when I do.

Morloth, I'm so jealous of your kookaburras, and is it a magpie lark that has such a lovely song? I'm not sure, but it sends me straight back to waking up at my grandparents house near the Murray, as a child.

Magpies are evil!

If evrr there was a bird who needed an ASBO, it's a bloody magpie.

I would confer a knighthood on a particular seagull. It dropped a lot some of its guano onto my ex's head on our honeymoon. How I cackled!!

We already are killing all the birds. According to the 2012 State of the UK's Birds report, there are 166 million individual birds (of all species) breeding in the UK now, compared to 210 million in 1966.

Excellent news, I have a few million less to kill now.

Seagulls serve no useful purpose. They technically don't even exist (there's no such thing as a seagull, apparently, they are variations on different breeds of gull) plus they pull all the bins out and nick people's chips.
I say we kill 'em all.

The birds are chattering like crazy in the garden because they've just spotted the cat.

Poor fool doesn't realise he's been made and he's not catching anything today.

About 25 species of gulls have been recorded in Britain. Eight of those breed here regularly, the rest are rare visitors from Siberia, North America, the Mediterranean etc. They all serve the very useful purpose of being fabulous.

If it makes you feel better, my OH destroyed some seagull nests the other day :)

He also once killed a seagull, saw it twitching, thought it wasn't dead and panicked so he hit it against a JCB not blessed with brains at times

Get your arses out of bed, you malingering bastards!

Exactly what "purpose" do you serve again?

Oh, yes, you serve the purpose of making sure that Speciesism (and bigotry/cruelty) is alive and kicking.

I was almost showered in pigeon's entrails once because of gulls.

The pigeon had been run over and two gulls were squabbling over it. They took off, each holding onto a wing. As they flew apart it split and the guts just missed me.

I'm afraid, after that near miss I have little love for those two representatives of the bird kingdom. Or whatever it is that goes 'cheepy, cheepy, cheeeepy' outside my bedroom window at first light.

You can kill all the birds if I can kill all the foxes? Shrieking in the night is bad enough, but we've just laid lovely turf in the garden, taken good care of it only to wake up this morning to find a patch completely gouged out by the nasty flickers.
Wildlife can do one.

Wildlife can do one

Hello there, Mr Attenborough

I'm with you, there's a magpie that has taken a baby blue tit which had just fledged, I now have the air rifle ready for its return

'broken toe' it may have been badgers digging holes not foxes. round here when the buggers get in our lawn looks like a fuckin bomb site with craters all over it

A restaurant near MIL has a badger family that visit their garden. We go there and turn all the lights off and watch them play. Must be generations of the same family. I didn't realise until I saw them that badgers were quite small. I thought they'd be labrador-sized but with corgi legs.

It's right in the middle of badger-culling territory so I will not reveal the location. Not even if you torture me by spilling pigeon guts on me.

Moomin-your dp might well do to check this Just because a species is not fluffy, cute and conforming to our norms of what is acceptable, it doesn't mean it is right (or legal) to harm the,
Yes they can be annoying, but they wouldn't be in cities if they hadn't been drawn to human activity.
(I know this thread started out lighthearted, but there it goes)

Herring gulls that shit on you in a non seaside ASDA car park can go, as can ASDA.

Both serve no purpose except to raise my blood pressure.

Geese. Stinking, horrible, pecky bastards. I'm getting them straight after the crows and the seagulls.

Magpies, crows and gulls are bastards. They can fuck off. Screaming matches with each other every fucking day.

Did you know they can recognise people though??? Not sure where I read that....

Bastard crows shouting at each other.

And last year we had pigeons nesting in next door's tree. They kept dive-bombing us when we were having tea in the garden.

We need to keep blackbirds and robins though. They stand on the grass and stare at me until I put some food out.

bastarding bastards!!

Me and my daughter were threatened by three huge and very angry crows this week, they followed us up the road and swooped down making the worst noise. We were terrified. Feel free to kill the crows, with a stone.