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Original poster

To re-neg on a birthday invite

51 replies

butterfliesinmytummy · 30/05/2014 15:13

Argh, getting close to summer holidays so we are overwhelmed with birthday invites. DD2 has been invited to a birthday party one Sunday in June, she's delighted, we accepted.

Today we received an invite from her best friend, to her 5th birthday party, exactly the same time, different location. I know dd2 will prefer to go to her best friend's party, do you think it's OK to change our RSVP to the first party? The mum is nice but quite proper, don't want to upset anyone....

To complicate things further, dd1 is best friends with the first party birthday girl's sister. She's been invited to birthday 1 as well. Would it be OK to send dd1 to party 1 and dd2 to party 2?

Bloody hate birthday party politics.....

OP posts:
WiganandSalfordLocalEditor · 30/05/2014 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoblinLittleOwl · 30/05/2014 17:42

If you have accepted an invitation, you cannot then refuse it. Extremely bad manners and very rude.

MrsKoala · 30/05/2014 17:45

The first Mum will understand.

Ha! I seriously doubt that if this thread is anything to go by. if it were me i'd be very fucked off and tell you so too.

Good decision OP. Nice to do something special separately too.

WiganandSalfordLocalEditor · 30/05/2014 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenPetal94 · 30/05/2014 17:57

I did this when ds2 was invited to a large party in the park of a girl he knew and then to a small football party of a close male friend. I actually did know the girls mum quite well as our husbands work together. So we just discussed it and she agreed her daughter wouldn't mind as she had a large number coming. I did buy both kids a birthday present.

We are all still friends now, it is only a kids birthday party after all.

Itsfab · 30/05/2014 18:02

YANBU to change your RSPV but you would be rude. Given you say the second invitation came from your DD's best friend surely you know when her birthday is and might have assumed the party would be on that get and your DD would receive an invitation?

Pagwatch · 30/05/2014 18:02

Gatorade

You would let a five year old go to a party in case the party girl stopped being her friend. Jeez, what kind of weird vindictive 5 year olds do you know?
Is it a breaking bad party.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 30/05/2014 18:06

We've had this clash twice: on one occasion the time of a party was re-arranged when the second mother found out, as it was a girl in the same class (both girl parties). On the second, we had RSVP-ed to a boy's party but his Mother, on hearing whose party it was, urged me to go to the second party (a very good friend of my DD) with no hard feelings. I wouldn't, had she not insisted. We sent a present anyway to the boy (which we don't normally do if we don't go).

Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 30/05/2014 18:07

The parties are exactly the same time, about 25 miles apart (we live in Texas, that's nothing!) so not possible to do both. Party 1 is someone from another year but who takes the bus with my dds to school. I should say that dd2 is 5 and there is likely to be a fall out with her but hoping to make it up with an extra special treat for her and the birthday girl. Although birthday girl's mum is now talking about changing the time of party 2 (they are really very best friends)....

I know both mums fairly well and like them both. I don't want to upset either of them at all, so need to deal with the situation absolutely fairly and honestly.

OP posts:
Pandsbear · 30/05/2014 19:12

I find as they get older you will find the parents of best friends will check dates to make sure X is free or ask about birthday party dates so you don't have that clash, especially if the birthdays are all in the same 2 months (like here)! Saves a lot of grief. We are also in the midst of birthday party weekend hell where all weekends seem to have something booked in...

CrapBag · 30/05/2014 19:56

This happened to me for DS's party this year. Friend of mine who I have known for a few years accepted our invite for her DCs to come my DCs party. Then her eldest got invited to another party at the same time (her absolute best friend apparently - mum has tendency to exaggerate so not sure if it was true) and the mum asked me if I minded her eldest going to the other party. But it was ok because her youngest would be there. Hmm

I said I didn't and she even said her eldest said she should stick with the original invite but the mum said she would ask me anyway and I didn't feel I could turn around and say "no, I mind and its rude actually"

She didn't come but I do think it was rude because my children were basically sacked off for a better offer.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 30/05/2014 19:57

If your DD would prefer to go to the 2nd party then just let her. You don't have to tell the first mum why, just apologise and say she can't come anymore.

Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 30/05/2014 20:27

Yes but both kids are at the same school. She'd find out that dd2 skipped her party to go to another one - that's even worse than being upfront about it.

OP posts:
Username877 · 31/05/2014 01:52

I'm going to go against the consensus and say that the kid should go to her best friend's party. Party Girl 1 isn't going to be as upset about her not going to her party as someone's best friend will be about their best friend going to someone else's birthday party instead of theirs.

PrincessBabyCat · 31/05/2014 03:55

Honestly, I've cancelled plans with casual friends to be with good friends. It's not a huge deal.

It'd be a shame to have to miss out on a great time with a best friend and an ok time with a good friend. Life's too short.

That's said, they're 5. If they get dumped by one friend, they'll just pick up another the next day.

PrincessBabyCat · 31/05/2014 03:55

*for an ok time with a good friend

Username877 · 31/05/2014 03:57

Honestly, I'd drop anything if my best friend needed me. The definition of 'need' is very different as an adult, but as a kid of 5 years old I think attending each others' birthday qualifies as a need.

LoblollyBoy · 31/05/2014 13:04

Gosh, princess, you're playing with fire there! Life is short but people's memories are l-o-n-g.

Pagwatch · 31/05/2014 13:07

They are 5.
Learning that one sticks to a commitment is far more important than any best friend stuff - they change best friends quickly at that age.
Comparing this with an adult best friend needing you is quite ridiculous.

confusion77 · 31/05/2014 13:10

Blimey I had no idea such party politics existed for 5yr olds. I would send one to each party. Apoligise to party 1's mum and say you have double booked?

Pagwatch · 31/05/2014 13:14

It really isn't party politics. It's just manners and a smidge of empathy.
You just imagine sending out invitations, getting some acceptances, happily telling your DD which of her friends are coming and then getting a call to say a friend has changed her mind because she's had a better offer.
Then you can see how shitty it is.

Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 31/05/2014 16:55

All settled. Explained to mum of best friend who is having party 2. Have arranged a sleepover for best friend at our house the week before the party. For both girls it is their first sleepover (they are 5). We're going to do pizza, movie, nail polish and a birthday cupcake, might also do a small party bag for each of them. They are so unbelievably excited that they no longer care about dd missing the official party. Worked out well.

OP posts:
Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 31/05/2014 16:57

And Pag, you are right about how excited birthday girl 1 is. Saw her mum yesterday and she told me that she asks every day how many rsvps they've had, who is coming etc. Fortunately her mum knows nothing about the second invite and my dds are really looking forward to party 1.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 31/05/2014 17:22
Smile

That all sounds fab .
Hope they have a lovely time.

Picturesinthefirelight · 31/05/2014 17:38

She has to go to the first party. It's incredibly rude otherwise.

In my experience best friends usually check before booking their parties in case of clashes b

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