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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my friends baby?

50 replies

Treesandbees · 30/05/2014 08:44

My friend has a 1 year old DD. She was always the placid, happy, content and settled baby of our group who had a regular routine and slept well. However when she turned 9 months she really changed. She has become this grizzly, whinging, sad baby who appears to be frightened of the other babies in our group (who she has known since birth), hates been left in a room on her own, who is constantly ill (always some infection eyes/ears etc), doesnt feed well and who is not sleeping. She is also very clingy to her Mum and gets very upset when she is without her despite us looking after her on our own since she was tiny. Along with this stuff she is also very small, not been the most physical baby (for example she hates being on her tummy, has only just learnt to roll but is now happy to stand and walk around using a walker, albeit very wobbly). She has never shown any desire to crawl (although I appreciate some babies dont). She also doesnt have any teeth. This change in behaviour has coincided with her starting nursery at 9 months.

My instinct is screaming that this baby isnt right but I am no expert and wouldnt begin to rationalise what might be causing this. She has just had her 1 year check and I was hoping that the HV might have some insight but apparently she just weighted her and measured her height.

AIBU to think this? Should I say anything to my friend? I dont know whether I should just bury my thoughts or raise them. She doesnt seem to being voicing any of her own concern so I dont want to upset her unnecessarily.

OP posts:
LIZS · 30/05/2014 08:47

ds became a very frustrated baby at that age at his lack of mobility, dd became very clingy. Nursery may well explain why she is unwell as it is first contact with lost of common viruses and bacteria. all in all what you describe seems pretty typical to me. Do you have children ?

usualsuspectt · 30/05/2014 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

divingoffthebalcony · 30/05/2014 08:48

To not be crawling at 9m is normal. No teeth is also normal. It's also the right time for classic separation anxiety to set in.

What makes you think this baby is "not right"?

sleepyhead · 30/05/2014 08:48

9 months is the classic time for separation anxiety to kick in.

Starting nursery also often means months of colds /other viruses due to exposure to lots of other children.

No teeth Hmm Seriously, this is not something to be concerned about.

If her mum's not worried then I suspect there's nothing to worry about.

DragonMamma · 30/05/2014 08:49

There's nothing in your post that makes me think there's anything wrong.

The child has started nursery, is suffering from what sounds like separation anxiety and doesn't have any teeth? Hardly the signs of something dreadfully wrong.

Please don't say anything, the mother will think you're mad.

BobTheFly · 30/05/2014 08:50

Childcarer here- completely normal, all of it.

FidelineandFumblin · 30/05/2014 08:53

Sounds like a bit of teething in the offing combined with settling in to nursery.

SpecialStuff · 30/05/2014 08:53

The baby is 12 months not 9. I agree though some babies just develop slower than others. And the growth of teeth is hardly something anyone other than Mother Nature has control over.

Meeeep · 30/05/2014 08:53

All children are different, they develop differently (both physically and mentally). Sounds pretty normal to me.

HavannaSlife · 30/05/2014 08:54

All sounds normal to me,, one of mine wasnt crawling or standing at that age. Dn and friends baby didnt have teeth until over 1, dn also didn't eat much. 3 of my 4 were awful sleepers.

Some dc do seem to be ill lots when starting nursery and 9 months can be a time when they start with separation anxiety

TweedleDi · 30/05/2014 08:56

It is not unusual for babies around 9 months to begin to display 'separation anxiety' or fear of strangers (which can include familiar but not constant others). The nursery aspect may be coincidental or may have amplified this reaction in a particularly sensitive child.

Presumably, the HV was happy that her growth was in the range of normality? What was the verdict on the lack of teeth? Anything up to 18 months would be still considered normal.

Original poster
Treesandbees · 30/05/2014 08:58

She is a year now and I havent seen an 'improvement' in her for the past 3 months hence why I thought I would post. It just seems such a change in character but like I say nothing major. I do have a DS the same age. He has had his moments but none of the issues (seperation anxiety/frustration at lack of mobility) have lasted more than 4-6 weeks and then he's on to the next thing. I appreciate I am no expert...hence the post!

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/05/2014 08:58

You are worried because she seems to have gone through the 9 month sleep regression and doesn't like tummy time?

FWIW my "helpful" friend got me really worried when my 11 month old want crawling and hated tummy time and pointed out how important it was that he did those things.

He's just turned 10. Is popular, funny, doing very well at school and is a great all rounder.

Keep your beak out and support your friend more.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/05/2014 08:59

wasn't doing not want. Doh.

Original poster
Treesandbees · 30/05/2014 09:00

She was 25% for weight and height apparently. My friend made no comment on the teeth etc but I know it is quite normal not to get any until 18 months. I was just trying to put all the bits of the puzzle down as each thing on their own is small but I wondered when you put all of it together is it suggesting a bigger issue.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 30/05/2014 09:01

What is your own baby doing are they meeting all their written in stone milestones what do you think is happ3ning to the baby I dont understand your concerne babies change they cry they grump they do get seperation anxiety at around this age , they are fussy withvfood etc etc, my own dds never crawled one rolled one bum shuffled and were gummy on their first birthday if you hwve real concerns about this baby talk to your friend

Original poster
Treesandbees · 30/05/2014 09:01

I didnt think the 9 month sleep regression lasted 3 months?? Shes a year now...

OP posts:
Frusso · 30/05/2014 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonMamma · 30/05/2014 09:02

I wouldn't say there's any bigger issue at play here.

Just because your DS moved past SA after 4-6 weeks, doesn't mean her DD should.

DeepThought · 30/05/2014 09:02

No it is not suggesting a bigger issue

What would you do if you felt there were?

indigo18 · 30/05/2014 09:03

No teeth for either DT til well over one. I wouldn't worry too much; it is hard not to compare but most likely all will be well.

5madthings · 30/05/2014 09:04

Well lucky you that your babies frustration and desperation anxiety only last a few weeks!

Honestly nothing sounds abnormal at all, for some babies separation anxiety can last months and months and baby catching lots of bugs having started nursery is normal as is the babies physical development.

Frusso · 30/05/2014 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunshineOutdoors · 30/05/2014 09:07

I think that's why op has asked here first, so that she doesn't unnecessarily worry mum. I think op, if she has been worried a bit, is doing the right thing to ask here, just doing nothing wouldn't feel right if you were worried. It's great that she can ask here and get reassured it sounds like normal development.

I don't think a blanket myob attitude is that great especially in terms of kids. I'm not saying in any way this is the case here - it's not - but isn't that attitude the reason why some poor unfortunate children slip through the net and don't get the support they need?

Mn seems a great place to me to enquire about this sort of thing - a massive group of experts and very experienced child carers - without having to worry unnecessarily

sleepyhead · 30/05/2014 09:11

Well that's true Sunshine, but the things that op is worrying about are so normal that I'm surprised anyone who isn't the parent of the child in question would even be monitoring them so closely.

Op, are you quite an anxious person?

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