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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be getting increasingly irritated by this woman!

31 replies

BauerTime · 29/05/2014 13:33

I'm organising a friends hen do. Its a weekend away in England. Location and guest list provided by the hen and another friend and i have done all of the organising, accommodating peoples individual needs where necessary and trying to keep costs down. I dont want to start a thread about how hen and stag do's are bullshit and another unnecessary expense for wedding guests as i kind of agree but this is not my hen/wedding and we are going with the wishes of the bride to be.

Anyway, we do not personally know all of the invitees as they cover work colleagues past and present, old school/uni mates etc so I have been trying to convey as much info as possible through email so everyone stays in the loop with plans and nothing is done that will have a cost implication without everyone agreeing etc.

There is one woman, that cannot seem to decide whether she should come for one or two nights. I dont care either way what she does, it makes no odds, but we do need to know in order to book accommodation and stuff. Ive asked her several times now as we need to firm up bookings soon and every time i ask I'm getting a question as a response. Questions have included- is there parking, is it free? Will we be eating lunch on Saturday, what time will we be going home on Sunday the list just goes on. The latest one is can i give her a total of how much the weekend will cost her including travel and spending money. She has already had a complete breakdown of each component of everything we are booking and totals for 1 night and 2 but she wants me to tell her how much spending money she needs and how much petrol! She is a grown woman!

I completely understand if she wants to make sure she can afford it before she commits but for goodness sake, how am i supposed to know how much petrol she will use or how many drinks she will want???? She is saying she cannot tell me whether she can come for the additional night until i let her have a total.

AIBU to just tell her to piss off that she will have to try and work that out herself?

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 29/05/2014 13:36

YANBU.

Tell her that you need her confirmation and deposit by x date, otherwise she won't be able to come.

QueenofallIsee · 29/05/2014 13:36

Just say

'Sorry, I don't know enough about your circumstances to judge the likely total. I have told you accommodation, travel and activity costs and you will have to use your judgment, perhaps ask one of your friends who is also coming along what they are planning. I will need to know by XX time though as everyone else has confirmed and I now need to book'

Only1scoop · 29/05/2014 13:39

Yanbu....

Infact I think I'd add a few extra quid on her estimate to make sure she doesn't comeGrin
She sounds like a tedious Pita who will quibble loads if she joins you.

Have a great time

cantbelievethisishppening · 29/05/2014 13:40

I echo Fair. Give her a deadline date. Tell her that you will assume she cannot make it if you don't have a firm yes or no before that date.

KurriKurri · 29/05/2014 13:42

I think I would reply ' If you check the email I sent on Xdate, you'll find the complete breakdown on costs. As far as I know everyone is working out idividually how much they will need to allow for petrol, and spending money - it's fairly subjective isn't it?
Anyway just to reiterate I do need a definite answer from you at the very latest as I will be booking, and if I don't have confirmation from people I'll have to assume they are not coming.
Hope you can make it, it will be lovely to meet you even though you are irritating best wishes Bauertime.

mumaa · 29/05/2014 13:43

YANBU there is always one totally idiot on these things.

Just tell her you have given her all the info you can and you need a decision by X time. As has been said above.

You don't know about the efficiency of the fuel consumption of her car or how she drives so cannot guess for petrol, neither do you know about the efficiency of her liver or how she handles her drink.

I get the feeling with this type of person if you grossly overestimated spending and petrol money just to give her a figure she would tell you that you were wrong. Painful!!

flipchart · 29/05/2014 13:46

I would give her by 5 O'clock tonight to let you know!!!

WipsGlitter · 29/05/2014 13:47

Give her a number and let her take it from there. Just a rough total of the costs you have.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/05/2014 13:48

She sounds like an arse!

I second Queen's idea.

WipsGlitter · 29/05/2014 13:48

She does sound as if she will be a total PITA the whole time and you will get the blame if it costs more that you have told her!

AMumInScotland · 29/05/2014 13:53

"I don't know how much you drink. I don't know how much your car drinks. If you're worried about the total cost, perhaps you would be better sticking to one night, as I can't give you a total for anything beyond the set costs I've already given.

I will be booking at x date and time, and will have to leave you out of the booking if you haven't told me by then if it is one night, two, or none.

Thanks"

Daisymasie · 29/05/2014 13:55

She sounds like someone who will want every bill split along the lines of who had a coffee after dinner, who ordered a more expensive starter etc etc etc.
YANBU and hopefully she will decide not to come.

SpicyPear · 29/05/2014 13:58

My bet is that she doesn't want to go and is looking to be able to say to the bride to be that you arranged a trip costing £X and she's gutted but it's too expensive.

Do not play her game. Choose from one of the excellent responses below.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 29/05/2014 14:00

Just say you'll book her in for one night only, or not at all. Tell her if she decides she wants the second night she'll have to organise it for herself.

olympicsrock · 29/05/2014 14:13

What a PITA. Let's hope she doesn't come

Summerbreezing · 29/05/2014 14:22

Just tell her that you've already sent her the cost of all the basics and that the rest is discretionary spend; so up to each individual how much they want to budget for.

BauerTime · 29/05/2014 16:16

Thanks all! So I'm not BU! Just needed a sense check before i went back to her again.

Ive sent her the breakdown again and 2 totals, one for 1 night and one for 2 and told her that its that plus her own personal costs such as drinks and travel (I'm not costing that up for her especially seeing as she has already committed to one night and petrol costs will be the same either way).

If she tries to blame me for anything unforeseen ill be telling her she is an adult and that i really shouldn't have to tell her how much a day or night out costs.

I dont mind if she wants to just pay for herself when it comes to paying a bill, or not get into a drinks round but she can sort that one out herself too. If she thinks she is overpaying then that's her problem.

OP posts:
chipshop · 29/05/2014 16:25

There's always one. I bet she'll pull out. Or if she doesn't she'll quibble over her share.

It sounds like she doesn't actually want to come, so as others have said give her a deadline to confirm by and stick to it.

BauerTime · 29/05/2014 16:54

Ive given her till Monday.

Ive just realised through speaking to my friend the hen that i have met this woman once many years ago when i was visiting friend at uni. She was meant to meet us in a bar at 8pm but didn't show so we moved on. She then called at 10:30 complaining that we didn't wait for her (she had just arrived). She apparently also used to go through phone bills of less than 10 (to be split between 4) and total up her share of the calls made, but apparently if her share was more than 2.50 then she would only pay her quarter and say she couldn't be bothered to check it that month. Dear god.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 29/05/2014 17:05

ok so you know who you're dealing with. you have to be very clear and don't take any bullshit.

need to know by x date whether you're coming, otherwise will assume you're not.

hate it when people are like this. make so much trouble for the rest.

PrincessBabyCat · 29/05/2014 17:07

Wow. What are you, her trip adviser?

I can understand wanting an itinerary of where you're going so you know how much to save, but the cost of gas and spending money? Really?

Tell her she's an adult, time to put on her big girl panties.

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/05/2014 17:11

Even if she contacts you in time I might be 'oh dear, I didn't get your email in time so haven't booked you in at all'. But I am a bitch.

expatinscotland · 29/05/2014 17:12

'I am not responsible for your personal expenditures. If it's an issue perhaps you should come along for one night or give it a miss. You have until Monday to decide.'

Daisymasie · 29/05/2014 17:29

She sounds like a right miser, to be honest. No doubt the night she has fillet steak and five glasses of wine for dinner she'll suggest splitting the bill; but the night she has pasta and two glasses of wine she'll insist on totting up everyone's share to the last penny.

Only1scoop · 29/05/2014 17:38

Blimey lets hope she doesn't go....

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