mh issues, driving ban , short term memory problems...aibu to say NO to driving 4 dcs ??

[catfourfeet]

Hi

stbxh wants to dive our 4dcs (15,13,11,9)

He hasn't driven them long distances for over 4 years.

Last time he tried he got lost 4 times and forgot youngest dc at a service station.

short term memory was in bottom 1% of the population.

It's "better" now but I've never been given any medical evidence of the improvement.

He lost his licence for a year due to speeding and was JUST under the drink dtive limit.

Hes 3+ hours away and wants to drive the dcs.

Aibu to say no ?????

Ps I only found out about the ban by accident.

YANBU. I would be very concerned too and say no.

Yanbu, no ways! He seems very irresponsible and unreliable, I would not trust him.

If you are who I think you are.

Hell No.

I wouldn't like it. I would ask the kids after giving them the facts - old enough to have an opinion.

Is your ex the one who has the mad SiL who controls his every move?

Regardless, no way would I let him him drive the children?

YADNBU

Given the low starting point for his short-term memory, an improvement might still leave it very low.

It really isn't worth the risk.

Still
I was wondering if was the SIL one. If so - NO, NO and thrice NO!

No way.

Meh, my DH lost his license for speeding and he gets lost every now and then. He's a much better driver now. He's learned his lesson read: he didn't want to keep paying high insurance rates.

My problem is with him forgetting the DC's and leaving them vulnerable for someone to come and kidnap them.

If this trip is important, surely him and the DC's can take the train or something?

Yep I am who you think I am, controlling sisters , his and mine.

But practicaly what can I do ??

Ive driven up to his this week , slept in my van overnightat a camp site so he could have the dcs overnight.

His mum and nice sis live in the same sheltered block as him.

But what about longer visits ???

Selfishly I NEED a break, u haven't had one b in over 4 years.

Can you get one of the controlling sisters to meet you halfway to exchange?

Or the nice sister even?

Ptincess is wasnt just "getting lost" I do that a LOT it was the rage at getting lost, not even knowing where he was going.

Would you trust him to pick them up from the nearest train station? Otherwise, train to the nearest big station and a pre-booked taxi to his place. You could make sure his mum and nice sis know they are coming too in case of mishaps.

Nice sister has ms.

controlling sister ......I doubt she would help, she's done nothing so far b to help keep him in contact with his dcs. The exact opposite if anything.

Its not so much getting them there , I could do that, it's them staying for a few days and getting bored because he can't drive them anywhere.

Is there nothing interesting in the area that they can do? Would you trust him on short journeys? Would a break on a holiday site / theme park /centre parcs be an answer for a longer break - things to do in a contained environment.

No way

I thought about a holiday park of some kind but atm I feel ok about him having them. Overnight with his mum,nice sis and v Warden on hand.

Not sure how hed cope being a "real" dad iyswim

I'm tryimg to see how to get to a point where he CAN have them like other nrp do.

Some sort of graduald l increase in responsibility

I absolutely agree that you are right to be worried about your ex's ability to drive. Could he not just have two of the DC's as a start as maybe he finds all four at once difficult to cope with at the present time. I think small steps forward is the way to go.

At those ages can't you put them on the train to him? The older ones can shepherd the younger ones.

Huge sympathies OP, I remember your previous threads and you have had it really tough

Is he fit to drive? If not, perhaps he shouldn't hold a licence in any event.

He's retaken his test and been passed.

Not happy for dcs to go on train on own ...yet.

none have been on such a long journey unaccompanied.