mh issues, driving ban , short term memory problems...aibu to say NO to driving 4 dcs ??

[catfourfeet]

Hi

stbxh wants to dive our 4dcs (15,13,11,9)

He hasn't driven them long distances for over 4 years.

Last time he tried he got lost 4 times and forgot youngest dc at a service station.

short term memory was in bottom 1% of the population.

It's "better" now but I've never been given any medical evidence of the improvement.

He lost his licence for a year due to speeding and was JUST under the drink dtive limit.

Hes 3+ hours away and wants to drive the dcs.

Aibu to say no ?????

Could you ask for a photocopy of his licence to confirm his fitness to drive?

It is four years on now. What is your worse case scenario?

I'm leaning towards YABVU.

Okay so last time he drove them & left one behind, the youngest was 5, right? Presumably a lot easier to lose a 5yo than a 9yo? Even the Camerons managed to leave behind one of theirs recently.

"Its not so much getting them there , I could do that, it's them staying for a few days and getting bored because he can't drive them anywhere."

I think it's very controlling of you to say he can't drive anywhere at all with them and to insist that he provides medical evidence to meet your standards. And who says they'd all want to go out together (you do allow the 13 & 15yo to stay at home without him, yes?). Is there really nothing of interest within walking distance? And even so, how far would he have to drive to go somewhere else of interest?

All mine would want to do is watch TV or go online, anyway. An outing with just the younger 2 would be perfect.

Do you mind if I ask if the ST memory loss could be related to alcohol dependency? If this is likely, then I'm afraid I would not take the risk.

Holiday
There is a backstory and the OP's ex's memory loss was very severe at one point. So I suspect when she says things like he got lost she means he literally forgot what the destination was rather than took a wrong turning. The same with forgetting the child - he may well have actually forgotten he had the child with him in the first place.

Tbh, you shouldn't even be speaking to this man he's been so fucking awful to you all.

Hell no to the driving. Absolutely not. Never. No way.

He's not responsible, he doesn't care about what's best for his family. Taxis only, or the trip is refused.

Let him kill himself behind the wheel, not your dc.

Reading between the lines, and the other posts from people who know your backstory, it sounds like NO is the only sane response from you at this point!

Where does he want to take them? Can they go by bus/coach/train with him instead?

What caused his memory loss?

I remember your threads. I don't think I could trust my children with him.

No no no, I remember a bit of the back story, I appreciate your reasoning wanting a break but the risks imo would be too high.

in a couple of years your eldest will be able to drive, they'd probably be far safer.

Could the 15yo could do the train with the rest if them if it's not too complicated or with tight changes or connections.
Could you do it all together first, take notes photos videos etc of stops changes etc to see if they could cope together.
I've seen your postings over the years so you have my sympathy.