AIBU to ask you how you work for a boss you absolutely hate?

[DancerChick]

I want to start off by saying I am not a whiner or the sort of person who slates other people and bitches about them. So this thread is going to be a new experience for me because I ma really being pushed into a corner.

I'm having trouble at work with a new role. I had issues in the beginning with the training where I felt I was being patronised and treated very rudely. I also didn't feel the training I was given was up to the mark because I felt that all the necessary bits were either not covered or not covered as well as they should have been. It got to a point where I was actually being bullied quite badly with nobody to fight my corner. I didn't feel confident enough to complain or fight back, so I just tolerated it and focused on my work.

I'd have to say the work bit went quite well because I've had great work-related reviews and I know my performance is exceeding expectations in terms of the output I am producing. I have had no complaints about my performance either.

The main issue IMO is my boss.

1. She didn't support me when I was being bullied openly by my colleague and she tried blaming it on me by implying that I somehow deserved the bullying.:( The bully here is someone who clearly hates me and I can say this based on the interactions I have had with the person outside of work as well. There is a clear personal bias and I was treated horribly to the extent that I was in depression and unable to eat for days.

1. In addition to this, I feel that I am being controlled to the extent that I don't have any autonomy. I completely understand that she is my senior and that I am answerable to her. There is absolutely no issue with that from my perspective. However, I think that micromanagement is restricting my growth.

There are decisions she has made for me even though she doesn't really have the authority to do so. She forced me to choose the colleague who was bullying me to be my referee for a really important process that impacts my career progress :( I was told I had to do this. She had to sign off on the list and she told me she wouldn't unless I included the bully. I repeatedly made my hesitation clear and kept refusing on the grounds that I didn't believe this person could give me an unbiased reference but I was told I didn't have a choice. I have checked this with several other people and they have all confirmed that while bosses do sign off on the list as a formality, the overall process is autonomous and they cannot compel anyone to choose a referee.

There are now going to be unfair things said about me by this colleague who has treated me badly and they will go on record.

1. I find that none of us can turn to her for advice on how to resolve issues because she literally doesn't know. This is not an exaggeration- she actually doesn't know. It can take up to 20 mins for us to try and communicate the simplest issue to her. She has been in this department for around 7 months now, but has made no effort to learn the job and we can't turn to her for guidance on issues we don't actually have authority to resolve. It's frustrating to communicate anything to her because she either won't make an effort to understand the problem at all or just look for ways to blame the entire issue on one of us (usually me).

1. There is also daily micromanagement- Most of the work we do is reliant on getting a response from other teams and offices, so we don't always have a 100% control over how soon the job gets done because we often can't control how soon someone else responds. She will email and message me incessantly and demand updates as often as 10 mins sometimes. This distracts me from my work and also makes me feel rushed and panicky because she wants things sorted instantly (even when they don't have a pressing deadline)

We have a group email and we each have a section we are responsible for- she will message me constantly and order me to arrange emails in a specific way or ask me remove emails that pertain to issues I am still dealing with. I don't really want to see 20 emails of problems in there either but if that's how many problems we have to resolve that day then that's what we will see in the inbox!! Since I am dealing with the issues, I arrange the emails in a way that I find convenient and I do an inbox clean up at the end of the day where I go over everything to make sure it's being looked after and then delete the stuff we no longer need. Some days are so busy that I don't actually get time to sort them out during the day and I do it before I leave. I feel ridiculously controlled when I can't even arrange my inbox the way I find it most convenient.

1. She sometimes questions me even if I step out to go to the loo. We obviously ensure we don't leave the office unattended for long and we make sure one person is there at all times. On one occasion, there was her and another teammate sitting at their desks but a couple other people were away. I got up to go to the loo and was sharply questioned about where I was going when "nobody else" was there. I was even more surprised because I am never away from my desk longer than 10 mins anyway. I have never even taken my full one hour lunch even though all my other colleagues do this almost everyday.

1. She is very disrespectful whenever she wants to question any of us (especially me) about something. She will summon us loudly to her desk and question us. I feel like a 10 year old being questioned by a teacher about homework.

I could go on and on, but any longer and nobody will even bother to see my thread.

Any advice on what I can do to deal with all this better?

Do you feel you can raise the concerns directly? I think not so is there a HR department you can do this with? Or raise a grievance?

I've been in this position and honestly, I had to leave. I know that isn't much help to you but it was the only way.

Really sorry you're going through this it's not on.

i worked for an absolute arse recently (thank god i am on maternity leave and not going back!)

My advice would be;

Talk to ACAS and find out what support is available to you

find out if there is an employee council/union you can speak to

find out who in your HR department covers your job roles and talk to them - make sure you have a witness to this discussion who can take notes

I was relentlessly bullied by a previous manager (same company just moved roles within it) and because he was best pals with my next boss the bullying carried on. It sucks and you have my sympathy! Hope you get it sorted

Honestly? Start looking for a new job. With both your colleague and boss causing you so much stress, is it really worth it to invest on a long HR or tribunal battle?

Does your boss have a boss? Document your concerns and take them above her head. She sounds like a nightmare.

I had a micro managing, jealous, stifling boss who would pass my work off as her own. I left (for a promotion) as couldn't stand it any longer.
God luck.

I worked for a bully who seriously sapped my confidence. I left (on promotion) soon after he told me I was unpromotable that showed him

She clearly isn't doing her own job properly if she spends so much time faffing about things like her inbox. Take it to her superior.

What the rest have said.
It might help to keep a diary of specific instances of her behaviour so that you have them to hand when you complain.
But be aware that if all they do is "speak to her" then your life could become exponentially more difficult at work, so I'd be looking for another job as well.
Is there another department you could try to transfer to?

Frankly, you do come across as a whinger. Your post is tediously detailed. Seriously, you are clearly mired in the detail and sound like you'd be difficult to manage. I'm not saying your boss doesn't have issues but you really need to stop with the over analysis. You've only been in the job a few minutes and you've written the longest post in history about it. Adopt a new mentality to it or find a new job.

Ask for a transfer. Or if possible leave. You'd be suprised how common this is. I went through the same.

As difficult as it is, try not to let it get to you. It'll be ok in the end.

I would look for another job, hand notice in, then once on notice speak to hr.

Yes agree with others if the problems are this set you will be in the dumps within 10 mins of sitting at your desk. Boss is clearly letting you know shes not for changing so I would start looking around for something else.

I agree with the others you might be fighting a losing battle. I thought you were going to write about a personality clash.

But this is quite different. I would start looking for a new job tbh. In the meantime, is there an HR department you can speak to? It all doesn't sound great, but the bit about forcing the bully to be your referee makes me think she is a bully too.

How is she rated by her peers? Other managers? How are your colleagues?

Honestly? Start looking for something else.

Wouldn't bother trying HR except maybe to let them know informally. They're there to protect the company at the end of the day.

Have you posted this twice? Second time with a slightly different title, a different user name and some different details?

I remember your first post about the training. I don't know what to say now. On your last post you were given lots of advice and support on how to deal with things, but now you are having a different problem with another colleague - this time your boss?

If you are so unhappy at work look for something else for self-preservation. It's not healthy to go through this. Sounds as though your boss doesn't think you are as responsive as you should be and she doesn't trust you either. Wasn't there an issue whilst she was on holiday that you didn't tell her about fully when she came back, which then blew up into a bigger problem?

Seriously OP just get out of there. It's not worth the angst no matter how good you are at the work.

Foxy are you the nasty colleague?

Wowfudge is right, you know. It's just not worth it. You spend probably 40% of your waking life at work - why waste it being miserable?

I had problems with my manager, and felt bullied by his manager. Mostly regarding being unwell during pregnancy (SPD) and wanting some duties altered.

I quit. I know I am really fortunate to be able to do this. 18 months on and I still feel bitter about how I was treated, which I need to "get over".

Tbh I can kinda see where wowfudge is coming from.

Could your boss have real concerns about your work? Why aren't you able to take a full lunch break when the others are?

I don't think you are going to resolve all of these issues and would be better off looking for another job.

• opps meant foxy

LoveBeingInTheSun have a look at the OPs other thread about her training. I don't say it lightly when I say she should find something else and leave.

I had a horrible boss. I contacted our HR about what he was trying to make me do and they backed me. I resigned about a month later but had to give three months notice and he sprung a meeting with me on my very last hour of working there. It was awful and culminated in me walking out and filing a grievance against him. Apparently he has had more than 20 grievances against him by other workers but the company have not dismissed him.

Some people are thoroughly nasty and some companies do not have any backbone. You're best off out of it. Your happiness depends on it.

Since I do not know which thread will survive I am reposting here.

I had a boss like this. She was totally incompetent and would target competent people who legitimately questioned her. Her whole object was to protect her own position, not do her job.

After about three years of lies and mind games with the workplace in chaos and an entire staff reduced to gibbering wrecks by her irrational behaviour, she was dismissed.

Have a look at Bully Online, especially at the profile of the bully. Is this your boss? If it is, make plans to be transferred or move on. If you cannot do that, start logging everything particularly how it impacts on your job.

I haven't seen the other thread but my advice as an HR Manager would be to talk to the rest of the team and see if they are unhappy too and feel there are grounds for complaint. If they are unhappy and want issues resolved then two of you should make an appointment with the manager's boss to discuss your concerns and try to deal with the matter informally, constructively and maturely. Don't go in and criticise the manager in every way but approach it from a "as a team we feel we would get more work done, and support the customers more angle". Seek help and seek ways to improve the manager's leadership skills and the motivation and performance of the team rather than using it as a complaint session. If that approach doesn't work then you would proceed to a grievance providing there are evidence based examples that others are prepared to back up and where action can be taken.

Think about the solution you want, and hopefully the rest of the team, and how that can be achieved.

In response to the poster above who suggested meeting HR but insisting on a note-taker, please don't do that. For one you will come across as a litigious troublemaker and for two that makes the process formal and no HR professional would meet you in those circumstances without a witness either.

It depends...can you move within your company to another office for a side step or a promotion?

Other than that unless you think that she will leave soon herself I would start looking for another job and in the meantime record 'what/why/where/when' you feel that she has been unfair to you.

You other option is to look into manage you manager type books and see if you can learn any skills with regard dealing with a difficult manager.

I have sat it out before with a dreadful manager, then when she left I nabbed her job. She was a fantastic lesson in how not to treat people.

NearTheWindyMill - good advice, but I doubt the OP will feel she can speak to her colleagues given the history.

In her earlier thread about the training the inexperience/poor management by the boss wasn't mentioned in the terms it has now been described.

This is going to sound harsh - flame away - but the OP seems to have issues with lots of people in her work environment. The other similar thread today paints a slightly different picture and perhaps give an insight into how she may be coming across.

However, when someone is being bullied/is deeply unhappy then it can be very hard for that person to find perspective and minor things can take on disproportionate meaning.

I repeat my earlier advice: get out of there Dancer.