AIBU to ask you how you work for a boss you absolutely hate?

[DancerChick]

I want to start off by saying I am not a whiner or the sort of person who slates other people and bitches about them. So this thread is going to be a new experience for me because I ma really being pushed into a corner.

I'm having trouble at work with a new role. I had issues in the beginning with the training where I felt I was being patronised and treated very rudely. I also didn't feel the training I was given was up to the mark because I felt that all the necessary bits were either not covered or not covered as well as they should have been. It got to a point where I was actually being bullied quite badly with nobody to fight my corner. I didn't feel confident enough to complain or fight back, so I just tolerated it and focused on my work.

I'd have to say the work bit went quite well because I've had great work-related reviews and I know my performance is exceeding expectations in terms of the output I am producing. I have had no complaints about my performance either.

The main issue IMO is my boss.

1. She didn't support me when I was being bullied openly by my colleague and she tried blaming it on me by implying that I somehow deserved the bullying.:( The bully here is someone who clearly hates me and I can say this based on the interactions I have had with the person outside of work as well. There is a clear personal bias and I was treated horribly to the extent that I was in depression and unable to eat for days.

1. In addition to this, I feel that I am being controlled to the extent that I don't have any autonomy. I completely understand that she is my senior and that I am answerable to her. There is absolutely no issue with that from my perspective. However, I think that micromanagement is restricting my growth.

There are decisions she has made for me even though she doesn't really have the authority to do so. She forced me to choose the colleague who was bullying me to be my referee for a really important process that impacts my career progress :( I was told I had to do this. She had to sign off on the list and she told me she wouldn't unless I included the bully. I repeatedly made my hesitation clear and kept refusing on the grounds that I didn't believe this person could give me an unbiased reference but I was told I didn't have a choice. I have checked this with several other people and they have all confirmed that while bosses do sign off on the list as a formality, the overall process is autonomous and they cannot compel anyone to choose a referee.

There are now going to be unfair things said about me by this colleague who has treated me badly and they will go on record.

1. I find that none of us can turn to her for advice on how to resolve issues because she literally doesn't know. This is not an exaggeration- she actually doesn't know. It can take up to 20 mins for us to try and communicate the simplest issue to her. She has been in this department for around 7 months now, but has made no effort to learn the job and we can't turn to her for guidance on issues we don't actually have authority to resolve. It's frustrating to communicate anything to her because she either won't make an effort to understand the problem at all or just look for ways to blame the entire issue on one of us (usually me).

1. There is also daily micromanagement- Most of the work we do is reliant on getting a response from other teams and offices, so we don't always have a 100% control over how soon the job gets done because we often can't control how soon someone else responds. She will email and message me incessantly and demand updates as often as 10 mins sometimes. This distracts me from my work and also makes me feel rushed and panicky because she wants things sorted instantly (even when they don't have a pressing deadline)

We have a group email and we each have a section we are responsible for- she will message me constantly and order me to arrange emails in a specific way or ask me remove emails that pertain to issues I am still dealing with. I don't really want to see 20 emails of problems in there either but if that's how many problems we have to resolve that day then that's what we will see in the inbox!! Since I am dealing with the issues, I arrange the emails in a way that I find convenient and I do an inbox clean up at the end of the day where I go over everything to make sure it's being looked after and then delete the stuff we no longer need. Some days are so busy that I don't actually get time to sort them out during the day and I do it before I leave. I feel ridiculously controlled when I can't even arrange my inbox the way I find it most convenient.

1. She sometimes questions me even if I step out to go to the loo. We obviously ensure we don't leave the office unattended for long and we make sure one person is there at all times. On one occasion, there was her and another teammate sitting at their desks but a couple other people were away. I got up to go to the loo and was sharply questioned about where I was going when "nobody else" was there. I was even more surprised because I am never away from my desk longer than 10 mins anyway. I have never even taken my full one hour lunch even though all my other colleagues do this almost everyday.

1. She is very disrespectful whenever she wants to question any of us (especially me) about something. She will summon us loudly to her desk and question us. I feel like a 10 year old being questioned by a teacher about homework.

I could go on and on, but any longer and nobody will even bother to see my thread.

Any advice on what I can do to deal with all this better?

I went through this too, alongside several colleagues. The incompetence, backstabbing, micromanagement, blaming. The culture in the company was such that going to HR or the boss's boss would have been career suicide. I developed alopecia which I am convinced was caused by stress.

Eventually redundancies came along. 3 out of 6 had to go. By this time my boss's boss (based in another country) was spending more time in our office. She started to realise what was going on, not so much the bullying as the incompetence. My boss was made compulsorily redundant and put on gardening leave. 2 of us volunteered for the other redundancies and spent a relatively pleasant 3 month notice period running the department ourselves. My hair grew back. I still see the other colleagues, I'd say it took a couple of years for us all to get over it.

If you can possibly quit I'd think about it.

I was in a bad work situation last year - I had a boss from hell. Eventually the straw broke the camel's back and I handed in my notice. I told her I had a new job, just so I could get away from her, I didn't, I just couldn't stand to be around her any longer. I think most of our problems stemmed from her not knowing what she was doing and I did know what I was doing, but she couldn't bear it because I was the "underling".

I now have a new career and am more busy than ever - she's out of my life and I am happy. I agree with the others, if you can, look for a new job, the boss won't change

Can anyone link to the other thread?

I can only echo what other people have said, look for a new job. its not worth it.

I was in a similar situation. the guy was a women hating sociopath. everyone hates him. I bided my time, working from home whenever possible (which he hated but had to put up with as allowed by HR). he tried to sabotage my career because I was a strong female (issues with mother and partner - who has recently left him).

I waited for voluntary redundancy, took the pay off and now do the same job but self employed for double the money and double the respect. best thing I ever did. even though I was playing the long game (he had to put up with 2 year long mat leaves as well haha - during which he told everyone I would never get back into our industry as would forget everything - I'm now a consultant in that industry).

he's now a sad, poorly paid little man with virtually no staff left, his partner has left him and he is universally hated.

seriously, once they get power crazed enough to question when you go to the toilet (I had this) - make plans to get out and leave them to it

Another vote for looking for another job. HR won't back you, and any attempt at tackling the situation will get you labelled a trouble-maker.

I hate giving that advice - I believe in justice and tackling problems, but I'm just not sure it's worth the personal cost.

bibliomania - couldn't agree more - it is wrong but the reality is as you describe ime. I have always looked at it that me being happy and successful was the best revenge.

being happy and successful was the best revenge

Absolutely true!

LoveBeingInTheSun - I've just had a look and think the OP for this thread name-changed for the previous thread about the training, therefore I won't post a link. Does very much sound like the same person and same environment. Dancer has posted recently about her boss being unreasonable in the last week or so - here's a link to that thread; there is history.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2085420-To-think-that-my-boss-is-being-unreasonable

My experience tends to show that there is very little you can do about managers who micromanage colleagues and want to control the minutest detail. Knowledge is power.

I worked for a manager who sat next to me but managed to send me so many emails with demands outside my role that I didn't have time to do my actual job. The CEO, responding to complaints, undertook a mini survey of everyone's role and I was asked to talk her through my daily workload, which visibly shocked her.

However, she remained in role due to the company running into financial difficulties and they were concerned about a possible unfair dismissal.

She was eventually removed from her role via a redundancy situation in which meeting she responded that they should get rid of Elsie instead. I think that said it all really, because she would move into my role which was by now technically her role as she dumped all her work on me. They refused.

However, these situations tend to take a very long time to resolve and you will suffer in the meantime. All the signs are there that work has taken over your life and I suggest you attempt to move departments or find another job. There are too many issues to resolve.

My boss, HR director & CEO are absolute twats,

Also most of the team leaders of each dept are also twats, it's almost like you can't work their unless your a prize c**nt!

What makes me feel better is that the other staff members I'm friendly with think exactly the same and have had similar problems!

I've heard horrible racist comments about the lady I job share with, and the daughter of one of the bosses is having counselling paid for by the company, we are meant to be a charity! It's also £150 p/w!

Good luck OP,

Good luck op. Sounds like a nightmare. I have been in a similar situation and started to feel like it was all my fault and like I was losing my grip on my sanity... Leaving was the only option. Now happily employed getting on with everyone being well appreciated. The environment sounds toxic and you won't fix it.

Wouldn't bother trying HR except maybe to let them know informally. They're there to protect the company at the end of the day.

This.

They are there to cover the company's ass. They will only do as little as possible to avoid a suit. Your problem isn't their concern.

I took a problem to HR and they just helped my boss cover his tracks even when I caught him red handed for them. What he did was illegal, unfortunately it wasn't worth enough money for a lawyer to want to take up pro bono, and the company followed the rules just enough to make sure that nothing major could come of the whole ordeal.

It's really not worth the long headache. Just find a new job. Even if you win HR, your interpersonal office relations will be shot, you won't be on the radar for promotions, and you'll be the office leper for tattling.

But do give them your concerns and documented incidences on the way out.

Oh yeah, that boss? He ended up getting his branch shut down due to shitty management a few months later. So, chances are, if you have a problem with your boss, other people do too. Which is why it might be worth reporting her as you leave.

I worked for a bully, he was vile.
I went to HR, told me I was overreacting and shouldn't use the term "bully". It was very much "old boys club" that all stuck together.
I came home and cried my eyes out, next day I handed in my notice (it was a quite well paid job and I was the main income earner) and the feeling of relief was immense.
I was on 3 months notice period, he, HR and the MD all blanked me.
Thankfully I found another job to go to, but honestly it was the best thing I ever did.

Life is too short to be miserable at work - find a new job, you will not regret it.

babe, update CV and look for a new job. You can in parallel complain to HR but.....doing your CV will build confidence

I have similar, its not great working for a twat

The toxic soup we used to call it - there are better places to work. Why do it to yourself.

god this thread making me feel better, Kate spade...what can I say!!!!

My boss is a muppet. does not understand business, so far up CEOs arse you can see his little toes wiggling and poor POOR manager

my nearest colleague is a cock sucking arse licker, and deeply competitive that has resented me for nearly 8 years, I hate her

everyone else is OK, but these 2 kill me

All the HR team (six!) are ass lickers, it drives me bonkers! I'm so angry with one of them - it's a really long story but he acted like such a twat - when I was 'medically suspended'

& forgot to add before that it was the CEO that was spouting racist shite!

Dear CompletelyBroken?

Poor you. I think I would leave if I were you.

are you in a union? if not, join one. they will help you if the shit really hits the fan.