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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this was rude?

30 replies

anyoldname76 · 28/05/2014 19:41

We were all sitting at the kitchen table earlier having our evening meal, as soon as dh had finished he got up and went in the living room to watch tv. Everyone else was still eating.

I told him after that I thought it was rude, he disagrees.

Things have been a bit tense the last few days and now he's accused me of picking fault with him.

I just don't think its setting good table manners for our dc and its him being petty.

OP posts:

Earlybird · 28/05/2014 19:42

Does he usually sit with the family until all are finished eating?

What is his normal behaviour?

Tory79 · 28/05/2014 19:43

Ugh, dh does that, I hate it. His father is exactly the same.

I definitely think it's rude - dh sees it as perfectly normal, and anyway, apparently it's boring to sit at the table when you're not actually eating....

HannerHet · 28/05/2014 19:44

Yes it's rude

Ilovexmastime · 28/05/2014 19:44

Yanbu, in my book that was rude. Has he done it before?

LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 28/05/2014 19:45

Yup, he was rude.

VanitasVanitatum · 28/05/2014 19:45

Very rude. Would definitely have called him on that. Unless he explained/apologised and had a good reason, that's just bad manners.

Calloh · 28/05/2014 19:45

It is rude. You get down when everyone has finished. If you are a child you can ask to get down earlier.

Original poster

anyoldname76 · 28/05/2014 19:46

Yes we normally all sit together, he always finishes 1st but will wait and chat while the rest of us finish.

I think he's trying to be awkward as ive called him up on a couple of things this weekend (not asking about my day ever and never going anywhere as a family together)

OP posts:

Earlybird · 28/05/2014 19:46

And btw, I think it is rude but don't know what is 'normal' in your house (obviously!).

sonlypuppyfat · 28/05/2014 19:46

He is your husband not your child, why would you want to "tell him off".

riverboat1 · 28/05/2014 19:47

I think it totally depends what the normal custom is in your household.

I've seen mealtimes handled in totally different ways in different places. I have a friend where her and her DH and DC all just eat whenever, wherever - hardly any routine or rules. They'd think you were mad to suggest people 'had' to do dinner in a particular way if it didn't suit them. Other houses see it as an important ritual where everyone comes together and shows respect and catch up, etc.

Personally in our house, I'd consider what you describe as rude if:
a) the rest of us were far from finishing our meals and/or
b) he did it all the time

...if it happened occasionally when he was stressed or whatever I wouldn't care. I do it sometimes myself if I just can't face sitting and waiting for others and chatting.

Bowlersarm · 28/05/2014 19:47

Is that the first time?

We can be a bit hit and miss on this. Sometimes I get up and leave if I'm trying to watch something on the TV. It isn't something our family would be bothered about. I can see why you are annoyed though.

You need to make a family rule about what is acceptable for everyone at mealtimes, adult and children alike.

ExitPursuedByABear · 28/05/2014 19:47

Rude rude rude. Although I did get up from the table last week and started washing up when DH was still eating (thirds) as dd had said something that horrified me so much I could sit still no longer.

DoJo · 28/05/2014 19:48

Yes it's rude, and moreso if it's not the 'done thing' in your house and not something you would want your children to do. It's one thing to say 'Is it ok if I leave you lot to it' if everyone else doesn't mind, but quite another to just leave the table without a word.
Does he agree that the children should excuse themselves before getting down? I don't even let my two year old just wander off unless he has finished.

Bowlersarm · 28/05/2014 19:50

You are sounding a bit like his mother if you've called him up on a few things.

Don't you discuss things, like adults?

DoJo · 28/05/2014 19:51

ExitPursuedByABear Come on - you can't leave us hanging without details!

sonlypuppyfat I don't see anywhere that the OP wanted to 'tell him off', but that she told him she thought it was rude. Should she just not mention it because he's her husband? MN would be finished if that were the case...

Original poster

anyoldname76 · 28/05/2014 19:52

I haven't told him off, ive told him that I thought it was rude, the other 2 things I mentioned in my post I tried to have an adult conversation with him about them.

OP posts:

IkeaFurnitureAssemblyChampions · 28/05/2014 19:53

Rude. We have 2 v. young DCs so we're often up and down like yo-yos and I tend to get up and begin cleaning while the rest of the family finishes, but going and watching tv is really not on. Once DC2 is old enough to learn some table manners there will be less cleaning so we will all stay seated until the bitter end.

Original poster

anyoldname76 · 28/05/2014 19:56

Sorry 'called him up' was just a phrase I used, I did try to have an adult conversation with him.

OP posts:

Montegomongoose · 28/05/2014 19:56

Rude ignorant behaviour. He sounds like a sulking child. Very unttractive.

Do leave him the washing up.

Bowlersarm · 28/05/2014 20:06

Have a chat with him OP, about why it's important to you.

Bellezeboobian · 28/05/2014 20:19

In my family that wouldn't be rude at all, but it depends on family dynamic.

ExitPursuedByABear · 28/05/2014 20:41

Oh go on then. We were discussing English comprehension gcse and dd was wittering about how hard it was. I commented that if she read a more books she might find it easier and she responded that her English teacher had told them that reading books would be of no help to them.

I kid you not.

Bellezeboobian · 28/05/2014 20:41

WHAT?! exit is that teacher for real?

VanitasVanitatum · 28/05/2014 20:43

Bloody hell exit !! That's ridiculous. I would ask the teacher to explain that one to you, can't go unchallenged surely!

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