AIBU to be devastated that I'm pregnant?

[SpottyStripes]

I just did a pregnancy test and it came back positive, honestly don't know what to do. DCs are 11, 8 and 6 and after numerous issues with DC3 (both to mine and her health) DH and I said we wouldnt have any more. I sound incredibly ungrateful but I honestly don't want this baby, I don't think I will be able to cope if the same happens with DC3 (she was premature, traumatic birth with a lot of blood loss and I had severe post-natal depression for some time afterwards) and we really can't afford another child right now. Haven't told DH yet as he's in work, but I think we'll have a long chat about it tonight. I'm currently just sat crying because I have no idea what to do. Am I an awful person to not want this child?

You are in shock.
Talk with your DH. YANBU to feel as you do but you need time to think.
Be kind to yourself.

You're not awful, you're not unreasonable and you're not ungrateful. I understand completely why you feel like you do. I'm really sorry that you're in this position but please try to stay calm and remember that you do have options. Keep posting

You're not awful. I've been through a similar situation. Pm if you need a chat.

You are not unreasonable or ungreatful, and I speak as someone who has been through two rounds of IVF and ttcing for 3 years.
You have to make the right choice for you and not think about everyone else.

YANBU. Unmumsnetty hugs

You're neither ungrateful or unreasonable. I've been where you are now. Sometimes your gut feeling is right. I had a gut "no, I can't" and my feelings didn't waver. But you might just be in shock, so there is no need to make a snap decision. There is no right or wrong decision here, just what is right or wrong for you and your family.

Take your time, there's no rush (assuming you are 4-6w?). Please do talk to your DH. Call Marie Stopes too if you want to, or make a GP appointment?

Please PM me if you want to talk or ask specific questions x

Thank you all so much, you've definitely calmed me down, will definitely talk to DH when he's home, kids are at my parents tonight so we'll be able to talk privately. I'm completely torn at the moment, at the moment I think it would be the wrong decision to keep it but i can't imagine getting rid of it and I don't think I could forgive myself. I definitely need to properly think about and work out how it will work.

Take some time to think. Good luck whatever.

You have nothing to feel ashamed about. You are in shock. Make sure you are eating and drinking and keep warm. You do not have to make a decision today, tomorrow or even next week. Talk to your dh, a good friend or family member if appropriate and plan to see a gp next week.

www.bpas.org/bpaswoman are very good.

It sounds like you had an awful time with DC3. Would it be worth looking into counselling for that? You can have PTSD after childbirth and it can lead to PND.

YANBU, it's is a huge shock.

Link to the Birth Trauma Association

Don't have it then.

And aibu, for this, really? Ask for it to be moved to a more sensible topic.

grocklebox I realise you take issue with people posting in AIBU that you consider should be posted elsewhere but seriously, pick your battles. sometimes it's better not to say anything at all

For heavens sake, back off grocklebox. Its not as simple as 'don't have it then' for everyone.

Empathy is in shorter supply every day in this place

Yanbu.

Some people get it in their heads that once you've had a baby, aborting others isn't an option. In reality, you have the right with every pregnancy to decide whether to proceed or not. Sit down with your husband tonight, and make the right decision for you, your family, your health and your finances now.

Thinking of you OP.

Time and a place, grockle, time and place. Neither of which is this thread.

Yanbu, it's clearly a shock.

Glad you will have time to talk to your dh, hope he is supportive of whatever choice you make.

If you do decide to terminate, it's not something you have to feel guilty about btw, Def try and get some counseling from an impartial source if you need it.

Hello, please don't panic, you don't have to make a decision immediately.
Whatever you decide has to be right for you, and I hope your family and friends give you plenty of support.

Really grockle

Op, no you are not unreasonable. I had the exact same feeling as you when I poas and got a positive result. I decided to continue the pregnancy as I just couldn't cope with having an abortion (very pro choice, just not for me) your defenetly not on your own.

Take time to decide what's best for your family. There are options out there. Take care Xx

AntinousWild that looks like a great website, will definitely have a good read. Thanks everyone for the support, DH is on his way home so we'll discuss properly and see what's best for us.

Not at all - when I found out I was pregnant this time (unplanned) I cried and cried. Then I cried some more. We seriously considered termination, but in the end we decided to go ahead. I'm 23 weeks now, and I'm still a bit ambivalent about the pregnancy, which is no fun to tell you the truth, but I'm also looking forward to meeting the baby. I had no health problems, it was just timing with career planning and older DCs and the financial aspects. I also felt massively guilty about having to drop out of donating eggs (although would have had to drop out if I terminated as well) that cycle. I felt much better once I spoke to DH about it and we made a firm decision on what to do. The week where we dithered was probably the worst bit.

Good luck with your decision . YANBU at all.

Take some time to get over the shock, talk it through with your DH, maybe talk through DC3's birth.

Dont force yourself into a decision, while its still a shock.

Most people would be shocked in your position, you just need to find the best decision for you.

Good luck in what ever you decide