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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 140 quid on

77 replies

nannyplum75 · 28/05/2014 11:29

an end of term thank you present for our Year One teacher is excessive? The money is collected from the whole class. I am the only person to have expressed disagreement with this and think I may be the only one! AIBU?

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 28/05/2014 12:54

Do you think the teacher would love 30 boxes of chocolates OP??

I think it's sad that you don't want to show a little bit of appreciation for the teacher at the end of a long school year, I really do.

KellyElly · 28/05/2014 12:59

I actually think getting a fiver off each child's parent makes more sense as then there is no competitive present buying, or parents feeling embarrassed as it has slipped their mind. I'm sure on nice gift would be much more preferable to the teacher rather than x times boxes of Milk Tray.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 28/05/2014 13:17

I'm fairly sure that if the gift is given in the form of vouchers not cash, then it is not reportable to the HMRC.

RonSwansonsLushMoustache · 28/05/2014 13:18

I don't think material things are necessary to show appreciation.

DS is in Reception and I will encourage him to make a card and compose and write his own message inside it. I will add a note from myself on it somewhere.

I hope his lovely teacher and TAs who have taught him the skills it takes to make the card will appreciate the sentiment behind this as much as any material gift.

Original poster

nannyplum75 · 28/05/2014 13:18

I meant a box of chocolates and flowers as a group present! Maybe I am being unreasonable, but a small gift from the class was always enough for my eldest's teachers. IMO 50 pounds would be about right. There are only 17 kids in the class (we don't live in UK), but it's not a monetary issue (thankfully), I just think 140 quid is an awful lot for a present.

OP posts:

SoulJacker · 28/05/2014 13:26

I don't understand how teachers, who are employed by the local authority keep these gifts. When I worked for a local authority everything had to be reported and anything worth more than a fiver got donated to be raffled for charity.

GoblinLittleOwl · 28/05/2014 13:45

I believe this is what they do on the continent, France anyway. Never happened to me, and I would hate to think that parents were coerced into giving; not appropriate at all.

MaryWestmacott · 28/05/2014 13:54

erm, in a class of 17, £140 is about a £8 each. When I was at school, prior to class collections, everyone took something small each and a card. Priced up today, you'd probably need to spend about that to buy the size of chocolates my mum used to send me with.

My Mum was a teacher and at every Christmas and end of every year, she'd arrive home with 20+ boxes of chocolates - which was a huge waste of money as pretty much everyone who visited our house was sent home with a box, as my mum would be on a diet in January and a pre-holiday diet in July and she'd never actually eat any of them herself. A collection to the same value in M&S vouchers or the like would have been far more practical. She taught in a poor area so it's not like buying gifts is a 'middle class' thing.

Kendodd · 28/05/2014 14:01

I don't understand how teachers, who are employed by the local authority keep these gifts.

I agree. If I were a school head I would really discourage the giving of gifts to teachers, a thank you card/Christmas card is more than enough.

ziggy13 · 28/05/2014 14:07

Was DS1(now 15) was in his first few years of school I really struggled for money and would not have been able to justify buying a present for his teachers. He used to draw a picture of them and write a little message on the back to say thank you and tbh i think that is enough and is a lasting gift.

Fathertedfan · 28/05/2014 14:21

It sounds like a fab idea. Much better than chocolates or novelty mugs. I always sent in wine to my children and foster children's teachers (and head of years, deputy heads, if the children had been very difficult and a lot of support given). Never had a teacher who didn't appreciate a decent bottle of red.

riskit4abiskit · 28/05/2014 14:34

I teach secondary and never receive gifts (except for 6th form at end of year occasionally). I would feel awkward if I was given a gift from parents. As said above I love a card with a lovely message inside. I keep these in a box at home and read them when I've had a bad day.

Its nice to be appreciated but we are also paid a good wage in comparison to many. On the other hand the carers at my nan's home were paid minimum wage and were so lovely. They totally deserved a box of wine or chocs at Christmas!

VinoTime · 28/05/2014 14:35

I see end of year gifts the same way as I see tipping - a bit of an unnecessary financial drain.

A thank you card or leaving a positive review for a business is as far as I ever stretch. Maybe that makes me really mean, but I'm a minimum wage worker.

Last year dd drew a picture of her and her teacher holding hands and popped it in the card. I gave the lady a huge hug and thanked her personally for being fab. I know by the look that woman gave me when we pulled away that it meant far more to her than a box of chocolates or a bunch of flowers ever would

EllaMenopy · 28/05/2014 14:53

I would love 30 boxes of chocolates.
I knew I should have gone into teaching.

VacantExpression · 28/05/2014 15:41

I love the idea of collective giving and that for a fiver each we could get a decent present for staff and TA. No stress no wrapping no buying something you know the teacher will have masses of.

I wish we could all do the same for small children's birthday parties- I'd rather contribute to a big gift that buy something for the sake of having something to wrap.

mercibucket · 28/05/2014 15:46

I would never accept that much money or vouchers. I dont think i would be allowed to either. Most public sector employees are not allowed to, surely?

Hoppinggreen · 28/05/2014 15:59

My oldest has been at school for 5 years now and we have never given anything bought.
DD has made a few things - including a lovely framed poem last year but I won't buy anything.
I'm not tight and if a teacher went above and behind I might consider it but it just doesn't occur to me to do it.

Pipbin · 28/05/2014 16:00

As a teacher I'd be uncomfortable with as much as that, a thank you card is plenty

I agree. The nicest gift I ever had was from a child and her mum. It was a handmade card from each both with a letter in saying thank you for all the work and effort and how the child was now happier and more confident.
Although the chocolates etc are nice, I'd much rather have a card. The school I work in is in a area of deprivation and I would hate to think that parents are spending money on me.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 28/05/2014 16:10

Can I just ask the teachers on this thread, do you actually get piles of chocolates, wine, toiletry sets and novelties?

What do you do with them all?

I think the 'gifts for teachers' is just another point in the annual consumer calendar, to fill the yawning gap between Father's Day and Halloween, but perhaps people don't buy into it as much as I thought?

Ragwort · 28/05/2014 16:17

I think it is shocking and in many professions you just would not be allowed to accept presents like this. and gifts are considered taxable as benefits in kind.

I work in a charity shop and you would be amused at the volume of 'teacher gifts' etc that we given .

I really wish some Heads would have some guts and just put an end to this.

I have never given a 'teacher gift' in any of the schools my son went to and I would have the confidence to say 'no thank you' to a class collection but I know a lot of parents wouldn't.

After twelve years on mumsnet I have vowed not to comment on this subject again .

HerRoyalNotness · 28/05/2014 16:28

I'd prefer to do the group collection for teachers. Takes pressure off individuals to organise their own thing at little cost, and makes it something worthwhile for the teacher gift.

I've just bought our teacher a $75 visa card as end of year gift. She has been AMAZING with our DS1 who started the year off on zero reading level and zero pretty much everything else, and is now a B grade student and passing with flying colours in all subjects. Here though (USA) I have heard teachers are very underpaid and often buy supplies out of their own pocket for their classrooms, so my thinking was, at least if she is doing that for next year, she has a big contribution towards it, or she can get herself something decent.

jazzandh · 28/05/2014 16:29

My son is in a prep school, and they recommend no more than £10 per pupil split between Christmas and New Year.

However I have just been having a set to with a few other parents in DS's class who want to collect more for the teacher (they suggest another £10).......

Apparently they can only see that giving more in the way of vouchers is the only way of showing appreciation for a (admittedly) good teacher with a "young family"!

I reckon that it is crass and patronising personally...but I'm swimming against the tide there....

MaryWestmacott · 28/05/2014 16:29

Right, just checked, a box of Milk Tray (the chocolate box of choice in my primary school) is now £7. I remember my mum teaching in a very deprived area coming home at end of term with 4 or 5 boxes of them - plus various other boxes, cut flowers and similar gifts.

Spending at that sort of level doesn't seem excessive until you put it all together and look what the total class has spent.

my mum would eat one box, remember she was on a diet (she was on a diet of one sort or another from 1979 - I don't remember her ever getting noticably thinner), then DB and I would have our pick of our favourites, then anyone else who came to the house for the next few weeks would have a box handed to them to take home.

Compared to the mountains of chocolate that doesn't get eaten or general tat gifts, this does seem a more sensible thing to do, but yet giving a collection does feel a bit wrong to a professional. Putting the money together for gift vouchers or a big gift from everyone seems a bit better, cash doesn't seem right some how...

LynetteScavo · 28/05/2014 16:37

I'd rather hand over a £5 for a joint present, and write a card myself, than feel obliged to buy a box of chocolates.

I don't buy chocolates. It depends on the teacher. I have a special chart I invented. The better the teacher, the more challenging the child, the more lavish the gift. The more lame the teacher, the better behaved the child, the less expensive the gift.

DS1's Y6 teacher got a very nice gift indeed, and personal thanks, accompanied by my weeping with gratitude.
Ds2's Y4 teacher didn't get anything. Not even a thank you card.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 28/05/2014 16:43

It's like wedding gifts, the 'done thing' just seems so bizarre and illogical, and yet everyone goes along with it for fear of being rude or grabby.

So it is acceptable for parents to buy and for teachers to receive 30 x 5 boxes of chocolates/bottles of wine/toiletry sets/mugs, but it is not acceptable for all the parents to put those fivers together to get them a 150 John Lewis voucher.

Just like it is acceptable for people getting married to ask for a load of toasters, dinner sets and tea towels, but it is not acceptable for them to ask for Thomas Cook vouchers of equal value, even if they have lived together for 20 years and have enough household appliances.

People will insist on buying them a gift, but only if it is a household item that they do not need, because contributing towards the honeymoon cost is rude and grabby .

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