I feel so guilty...

[DaphneMoon1]

I currently live about an hour and a half from my parents. I moved to a different city for Uni, met and married a lovely guy from my Uni city, and never moved back home. My husband is the best bloke I've ever met, I love him to pieces and we have a happy life here. His parents live nearby and I get on well with them, they are lovely.

I also have a fab relationship with my own parents, who I see 2-3 times a month. Whilst I know that an an hour and a half is not a particularly long journey, they rarely visit me and I go to see them. I don't mind that so much, I know they're tired with working all week and it means I get to see my siblings too.

I am 7 weeks pregnant with our first child. I told my family this over the weekend and they were, of course, delighted. It is their first grandchild. However I know my mum is upset/worried because she's so far away (they seem to think it's much further than it is) and she hates that the baby will likely have a closer relationship with my in-laws. She hasn't said much about it but I know she's deliberately down-playing it. My parents work long hours in jobs that don't easily lend themselves to taking days off or early finishes etc (my mum is a deputy head teacher and so doesn't like to take time off out with school hols).

In turn I also feel sad that my mum isn't round the corner and I know it's a while away but I'm worried about her not being there just after the birth. I'm also feeling irrationally angry with my MIL as she's so excited and keeps going on about all the stuff she's going to do with her grandchild (also her first). I know she's just excited so I'm trying to keep that to myself.

I feel horribly guilty that my choice to live here is causing them pain. To be perfectly honest I want to move home. My lovely husband has said that if it'll make me happy then that's what we should do. However, my husband is prone to extreme work-related anxiety and has now found himself a job that he loves and in which he is doing really well. I am loathed to risk putting him through that anxiety again by moving him. I don't tell him how much I want to go home for this reason. He'll feel guilty and will insist we move (although I know he won't really want to move). That would be really selfish of me.

Also not keen on moving to a halfway place as we both agree it's better to be close to one set of grandparents than neither. My own parents have promised they'll visit more, and in turn I'll go down as often as I can, but I just want my mum to be there.

I know how you feel about not having you mum around when you have your baby. But instead of having mum 1 hour and a half away, mine died last year. She would have loved to have seen her granddaughter just once but didn't get the chance. I don't mean to be blunt or make you feel bad here but you're actually really lucky to have your parents so close by. My dad lives an hour a half flight away, my sister in the US and my inlaws 500 miles away. They only get to see dd every 2-3 months which is hard on everyone.

Your baby will see its grandparents all the time and it'll be great! But don't underestimate having time on your own with your baby and your husband - that's such a special time.

I agree with others, you must be feeling hormonal - it's totally normal! But you do have a good set up and you will see your parents a lot.

90 minutes away can seem much further to some peoplle my parents are like this any way op I think you should just stay where you are new babies make grandmothers a bit bonkers mil was jealous I lived near my mum she lived 20 minutes way by car and a maybe 40 by bus

My parents live 90 minute drive away. I work long hours and I have sometimes gone to visit my parents after work and returned the same night. 90 minutes is not a big drive at all.

If your parents aren't prepared to do the journey then why should you get your husband to leave a job he loves (very very rare) to be closer to them?

You want your young establishing family to make all the effort when they are making very little. They can do the journey if they want to. Encourage them to start and to try - they'll soon get used to it. Facetime, phone calls, all of these help in the meantime.

My mother lives in a different country but still came to see me / help with the baby when it was born. Your parents are being selfish. An hour and a half is nothing, I drive that regularly with my DS (now 3) to visit friends, have lunch, etc. Don't consider moving or asking your DH to leave a safe secure job. That would be a dreadful thing to do.

Ahhh op, have a it's your first baby, so of course you'd like your mum round the corner, but honestly, when it's born you'll be in a world of your own. I live about the same distance from my mum and I see her all the time. She gets the train here (doesn't drive) or I go there with the kids.

We've even met up in my city just for an afternoons shopping!

It will all fall into place, don't worry, and yes to not pushing your MIL away, you have the chance of a really close family for your child to be born into.

Congratulations btw!

You'll be fine! I lived that distance to my in laws when my first was born and we managed to see each other loads!
First babies are normally late so that will be nearer feb if so snd schools have a week off in feb for half term!

Plus if you need her I'm sure she will be there. If she leaves straight from school at 4pm say she could be with you by half 5 and then leave for home at 9pm or something after seeing you for a good few hours x