Lighthearted: AIBU to not want someone to knit whilst I'm giving a seminar?

[matildasquared]

I'm honestly curious.

Part of my job involves giving trainings, sometimes in workplaces, sometimes in adult education classes. They last for a full or a half day.

I don't really stand on ceremony, of course. I tell people if they want a bathroom break or a cup of tea, no need to wait for the break.

Last week I was giving a training for volunteers at a particular organisation and one of the women up front took our her knitting just as I was beginning. I did a double-take and she noticed and said, "Oh, I always do this at presentations and lectures, it helps me concentrate." The people around her nodded.

I just shrugged and carried on. It was a good session.

Now if I were in a role of a long-term instructor or advisor or something I would have taken her aside and let her know how unprofessional it looked. But I'm not, it wasn't my place, so I didn't.

But AIBU in feeling really disrespected? My reaction really surprised me, because I don't think of myself as really rigid and uptight. And certainly I can listen intently to something whilst my hands are occupied--just listened to the radio whilst making jam, in fact. But it just seemed so damned rude. I had to really swallow down the urge to say, "Put that away, I'm not a TV!"

Would you have felt the same?

Students are told off in the lecture if they aren't responding, taking notes, etc

They behave like children so they have to be told sometimes

She was probably trying to soothe herself. If you used the uncountable noun 'training' in the plural like that in front of me, I'd distract myself with anything rather than rudely launch into teaching you English.

Mostly people don't like to announce their disabilities in public, IME.

Yeah... hmm... okay that's food for thought but I'm not convinced.

If that were the case what's wrong with a quiet word with me before the seminar? "Hi, I don't want to seem rude, this knitting thing is an accommodation for a condition...."

I am a fiddler, I don't have any diagnosed sensory issues or other special needs, but I definitely struggle to sit still and concentrate unless I am actively involved in the activity. So, I would only be able to say in this situation as she did, that it helps me concentrate. Whereas my DS does have a diagnosis for his so he could say that, but we are very similar in this respect.

It could have been very distracting, but if she didn't mind and you weren't distracted and no one else minded either then I don't see why it's a problem. Not disrespectful. Maybe not professional looking, but that's her call really.

I've been out of the training world for a while but I vaguely recall an idea doing the rounds that you should give people something to fiddle with, supposed to engage more of the brain and aid retention.

Did she put her knitting aside if you actually needed her to take part in an activity or did she say "hang on while I turn this heel" ?

Training as a countable noun has an entirely different meaning from training as a noncountable noun. You remind me of the colleague I had once who told me that sentences must never begin in because, lol. Please don't argue grammar with me, you'll just hurt yourself.

Oh, sure, I'd think it's better to bring it up beforehand. And I think the knitting bit seems OTT anyway because of the noise.

Just, you said you were curious - that's my experience. I'd never push someone to disclose a disability in public. I usually send out emails saying if anyone wants me to know about disabilities they can email beforehand about accommodations. It's easier that way, because then if someone hasn't emailed you can feel more comfortable asking them to stop.

Actually, now that I think of it, I think those of you mentioning the hidden disability have a point.

Back in one of my uni lecture courses, one of the students had a tic which caused him to give a hearty, "Huh!" about once every twenty minutes. It sounded exactly like he was snorting in derision. Everyone did a double-take but he carried on taking notes. The professor seemed unconcerned. With time we all cottoned on that it was something involuntary.

One day we had a guest lecturer. About twenty minutes into her lecture, she made a rather controversial point. Right on cue: "Huh!" She took it like a pro, carried on, and experienced more apparent derisive noises.

By the end of the lecture, she'd turned pink. She thanked us and hurried out. It was clear that no one had warned her about the young man with the disability.

I'm not sure who was at fault there.

I usually send out emails saying if anyone wants me to know about disabilities they can email beforehand about accommodations.

Why on earth don't I do that? That's an excellent idea.

I know there is evidence it helps people concentrate. I don't know why knitting is more offensive then doodling?

I wouldn't be bothered if she was paying attention and engaging with the material. What's the harm?

I also don't see why she should publicly disclose any disability.

She should've been warned. She also could have asked around beforehand (though not sure everyone would expect that of a temp filling in). But she should also have been prepared for it.

How could it be his fault?

I think this is different from the knitting though - it sounds as if this woman could have done various things to help her concentrate, whereas the other student was making an involuntary noise.

mat - it's a tip I got given when I started teaching. So it's nice to pass it on! (Doesn't help with the ones who don't reply then suddenly wake up to tell you they need all sorts, but ...)

I dunno. Knitting doesn't seem rude or distracting to me in the way that, say, playing on a phone/falling asleep would.

I certainly wouldn't think someone was a douchebag for knitting in class.

Yeah I also always ask about disabilities or special needs prior to delivering training.

Thanks for the bizarre non-sequitur Snazzy but kindly note that I am not a "douchebag" but an "asshole." There's a difference.

I think you need to let it go.

I have a huge problem attending CPD events in that I immediately want to fall asleep. My strategy is to write copious (pointless) notes as this seems to keep my brain awake.

Knitting seems fine to me.

I need to ask about disabilities before trainings then. I think that's a phenomenal idea and I can't believe I haven't done that before.

I think getting up to make a cup of tea during a training session is quite rude. Therefore if you had said that you don't mind people making cups of tea while you were talking, I'd have assumed (wrongly it appears) that you would be happy with other informal behaviours, eg knitting. I think YABU.

I often knit during training/seminars etc. I always ask first though, and have always been told yes. I also use wooden needles as they have no sound.

I always get involved, take part in everything as I am listening. It's only been a recent thing, I used to just doodle but I didn't concentrate as well then.

I've become terrified recently by being in a room with people I don't know and I find knitting calms me down.

Needing to do something while listening in order to concentrate better is not a disability. People learn in different ways. Some people love listening to others and learn lots from sitting still and listening, others need to do something with their hands. It's just different learning styles.

If someone is really bothering you with their ostentatious knitting, then say something, otherwise just let it go. Knitting is fairly low-key at least. It would have been worse if she had brought a loom with her.

If I was a fellow student I'd be totally distracted by someone knitting and unable to concentrate. I'm quite hypersensitive to stuff like that. Wish I wasn't! I think she should have asked beforehand and sat at the back to avoid disturbing anyone else.

It is difficult, because what is no problem to one person is unbearable to another. I don't mind visual distraction, so if I could see someone knitting that wouldn't bother me at all. I don't think the needles clicking would be a problem. My personal unbearable thing is music in the background, I know that's unlikely in a lecture but it crops up at other times and drives me mad. Whereas other people love it.

It sounds as though in this case, all the other people knew she was likely to do this, as they all work together and nodded their heads when she started, from this it sounds as though none of them minded. You would hope in a group that work together if this was a problem one of them would have mentioned it. Also, they are volunteers, not being paid to be there and the session was informal, so I really don't think it was that big a deal.