To ask how you deal with this type of person?

[Greenmachine37]

DS started school in September. The mum of another boy in his class is the type who always has to be in with everybody and has to be best friends with everyone. She has had the world and his wife round to her house on playdates. She literally has to be involved with everyone and in everything. If she sees people getting together out of school for meet ups she has to then engineer meet ups with those mums herself.

Anyway, she literally does not stop talking, all the time. It's always about herself. She turns every conversation round to being about her as she is so loud and pushy. At school collection time we all just tend to stand in a big group, and she totally dominates this group, talking about herself. If anyone says anything, she jumps on and brings the subject round to being about her and then nobody else can get a word in edgeways. I try to stand on the edge of the group and have small individual converations with others, but she dislikes seeing other people having conversations and has to be involved in them, so 9 times out of 10 she'll amble over and then end up hijacking it.

Yesterday there was a party. Parents stayed as the children are all only 4 and 5. It was in a village hall. This woman was an absolute nightmare. For starters, she can never just arrive somewhere and say 'Hi', she has to start dominating things as soon as she gets in the door, with a tale of something mundane from her morning, told loudly and dramatically. What she did, because she has to be involved in everything, was watch for people having converations in pairs or threes, and then went over and hijacked things. I had had enough of her by halfway through the party so I kept moving from person to person to chat, and was getting more and more irritated as she involved herself in every conversation. She literally cannot just leave people to have chats.

I was chatting to one mum about holidays and mentioned where we are going this year, and this woman came over and just 'We're going to X this year' and then spoke so much and so loudly that the conversation then turned to being about her.

I wouldn't mind so much if she asked others questions sometimes or it was a 2 way conversation, but it is ALL about her, all the time. I could honestly write a novel about her because she has told everyone everything! If anyone else speaks her eyes glaze over and she starts looking around and then jumps back in with more crap. She expects all attention on her at all times, and on her DCs too.

AIBU to find her behaviour irritating. Any ideas on how to deal with it? My normal response would be to tell her to stop butting in, but I really don't think it would be a good idea to say anything as it'll create an atmosphere.

Basically I want to be able to have a conversation without her being there!

Page 3 already and it's down to the lurker to post the obvious mumsnet response?

"Did you mean to be so rude?" seems perfect for this situation

A massive, loud, exaggerated yawn, followed by feigning falling asleep, with ear-splitting snoring noises might help.

I had a friend like that, told very interesting stories though I never figured out where she heard them from, as she never never listened. I had to give my daughter permission to interrupt when she was speaking because she wouldn't even notice that the child was waiting patiently for a chance to speak.

It's so irritating for the listener. I had a coworker like this - he could be interesting, and I would think of something I wanted to contribute, but he never stopped talking, the conversation meandered, and by the time he paused for breTh, whatever I wanted to say was no longer relevant. Eventually it annoyed me more and more, so I used the afore mentioned yawning, and even more extreme measures after that.

My boss also gets glassy-eyed if I talk about myself for too long, even gets agitated if I am talking to a customer for 'too' long. I have learnt to time and precis what I have to say to make sure she's still tuned in at the end. I don't think it's because she's not interested - she is - but she can only stay with a topic for a short period of time

I have adhd and yes, this happens to me. I tune people out on a good day. But you're wrong about her being interested. She's not, if she was it would be an intense and uncomfortable focus. She just can't help what grabs her attention. Doesn't mean she doesn't care about you though.

I am on the opposite end of the adhd spectrum and am introverted, which means I'm likely to stand in a group, space out, and give minimal contribution until a topic catches my interest. Then I don't shut up. Or change the subject. Or let the topic stray away. Or notice everyone's eyes glazing over I do, but it has to get out of my brain before I can shut up. I managed to drag a conversation back to my rabbits for almost 2 hours before my friend told me to shut up or she was going to eat them. :)

Venus is spot on. You are making this minor irritant into a far bigger issue than it warrants.

You are obviously irritated by her.

What if next times she butts in, let her get a few words in, then say:

If you were talking - "oh that reminds me, as I was saying... Blah blah". She interrupts again, you then interrupt her. Battle of wills. Be polite at all times though, if possible.

If other person was talking - " oh yes, hey what were you saying about...". If she interrupts again, you interrupt her and say to friend "what did you mean when you said earlier about blahdy blah". Again a battle if wills.

I've never really had to deal with someone like that but I once saw my dad say to someone similar once "Excuse me, but you're being quite rude interrupting us like that. Could you kindly wait until I've finished speaking with Graham? Thankyou" then he turned his back on them and continued. Person strode off and did it to someone else. It's sad really because they end up alienating everyone and don't seem to have an ounce of self-awareness as to how they come across. He'd never let people get away with it, mum would though.

For reasons which escape me, this type of person nearly always had a pronounced Oxbridge drawl (unusual here in Australia). Not that everyone with this accent we met was like this, just that everyone I can remember as a child who was, had it. I think they just liked hearing their own voice and thought everyone else would too.

The woman in the park is canadian and has a (loud) drawl. Lovely voice, lovely accent. There was no way I could interrupt her, let alone skillfully: there literally wasn't a gap or even pause for breath, she sequed into the next topic at high volume. I wouldn't say someone was rude, I'd leave that out in front of someone else. But I would say 'excuse me I was just talking to Graham, we need to finish this convo, you and me'll catch up later ok?'

Good point, Princess, re she doesn't care about what I'm saying, but she does care about me.

Lepaskilf Sun 25-May-14 17:56:01
Venus.... Why do you suggest that op invites only the boys for playdates? What about the girls?

Sorry, lepaskilf, I presumed that it was a single sex school, and that there were only boys in the class.

But having said that, imvho my girls never wanted to play with boys after age 5, so it wouldn't occur to me to invite the boys to a play date. We had boys before that, but they didn't really want to play the way my dcs wanted to.
Sometimes gender doesn't matter, but sometimes it does.