To ask how you deal with this type of person?

[Greenmachine37]

DS started school in September. The mum of another boy in his class is the type who always has to be in with everybody and has to be best friends with everyone. She has had the world and his wife round to her house on playdates. She literally has to be involved with everyone and in everything. If she sees people getting together out of school for meet ups she has to then engineer meet ups with those mums herself.

Anyway, she literally does not stop talking, all the time. It's always about herself. She turns every conversation round to being about her as she is so loud and pushy. At school collection time we all just tend to stand in a big group, and she totally dominates this group, talking about herself. If anyone says anything, she jumps on and brings the subject round to being about her and then nobody else can get a word in edgeways. I try to stand on the edge of the group and have small individual converations with others, but she dislikes seeing other people having conversations and has to be involved in them, so 9 times out of 10 she'll amble over and then end up hijacking it.

Yesterday there was a party. Parents stayed as the children are all only 4 and 5. It was in a village hall. This woman was an absolute nightmare. For starters, she can never just arrive somewhere and say 'Hi', she has to start dominating things as soon as she gets in the door, with a tale of something mundane from her morning, told loudly and dramatically. What she did, because she has to be involved in everything, was watch for people having converations in pairs or threes, and then went over and hijacked things. I had had enough of her by halfway through the party so I kept moving from person to person to chat, and was getting more and more irritated as she involved herself in every conversation. She literally cannot just leave people to have chats.

I was chatting to one mum about holidays and mentioned where we are going this year, and this woman came over and just 'We're going to X this year' and then spoke so much and so loudly that the conversation then turned to being about her.

I wouldn't mind so much if she asked others questions sometimes or it was a 2 way conversation, but it is ALL about her, all the time. I could honestly write a novel about her because she has told everyone everything! If anyone else speaks her eyes glaze over and she starts looking around and then jumps back in with more crap. She expects all attention on her at all times, and on her DCs too.

AIBU to find her behaviour irritating. Any ideas on how to deal with it? My normal response would be to tell her to stop butting in, but I really don't think it would be a good idea to say anything as it'll create an atmosphere.

Basically I want to be able to have a conversation without her being there!

There was a mum a bit like this at dd's primary. I was having a chat with a friend at pick up, when she blundered over babbling. I pulled myself together (most people were like you and just gave up on chatting to people they liked!) and said ver firmly "Hi X, I was just talking to Y about Z", turned back to Y and carried on. This woman was so floored that she stood with her mouth open (literally) and then turned on her heel and left us. Y then told me she couldn't stand the woman.

The effect had been observed, and gradually quite a lot of people followed suit. Turned out that not many people wanted to be talked at either.

She would fasten on to anyone new, drag them round the playground saying hello very loudly to everyone she passed so that everyone would say hi back, and then tell the poor newbie "See, I know everyone! Everyone's friends with me!"

I thought she was a sad sad woman, but had such massive problems of my own at the time, that I really didn't have energy for sympathy for her.

I have a friend like this, but have found she is a warm, generous person, as soon as I could get a word in and we actually got to know each other.
I used to brace myself when she came over, but learned to get in first and she's become a lovely friend.

Perhaps your anticipation of her is making the reality worse. Talk over her, or say 'hey let me get a word in!' She's maybe nervous, a new group of school mums can be intimidating, so she's decided to go in guns blazing iyswim?

I haven't talked to any of the other mums about her. I have been tempted to but don't want to appear to be bitchy or unkind. I try to be understanding towards the fact that she may have aspergers or may be nervous, but I think there comes a point where I have to consider my own feelings too and that I have a right to pick up my children from school and not be talked at constantly.

It's so difficult. I find myself hoping that our children won't be in the same class next term so we won't have to stand near each other at pick up time!

Green, you have to disengage. Sorry but the school gate isn't all about you.

I know that's hard to get, and you're trying to suss out the other parents etc, but this is your child's school, and your job is to facilitate him making good social contacts himself, and his learning.

So what there's a pushy mum, these are not your schooldays, these are your boy's, so take a step back, and think about why it's so very important to you that this woman keeps her mouth shut.
And then think, why it might be important to your DS 's life in that school if she doesn't.

See, it matters not a jot to your boy if this mum talks a streak, your boy isn't in the class with her.

Be polite, and ask every boy for a play date and meet the other parents there. Trust your son to make his own friends. Don't push him to have a repeat play date with someone he doesn't like.

Under no circs are you to be rude to this mother, your boy could face a backlash that she engineers for the rest of his time in school if she gets wind of it.

No doubt all the mums see this monopolising gasbag for the insecure woman she is too, but do not mention it, don't be bitchy, and do not engage!

I actually don't think it's rude to say something slightly dismissive and then go back to the original conversation.

"That's nice xxx, now what were we talking about?"

Or even be more inclusive. "One second xxx, yyy was just telling me about her holiday"

I met a woman like this recently in a park. The tables were full so I asked if I could join hers. A couple ambled along and joined us and, I kid you not, she dominated the entire thing from beginning to end in a very loud voice, all about her, 19 to the dozen. I literally couldn't get a word in which is unusual for me arf . I'm disappointed to say that the couple were entranced by her, couldn't get enough of her - she is an attractive woman and her stories were very spangling but, like your woman, also an awful lot of trivia... like no barrier to every thought coming out of her mouth. I was mightily relieved when my friend appeared and I could get away - I literally upped and moved because there was no possible space to say my farewells. I have no suggestions, just sympathy, it is extremely draining.

I read something on here where someone held up a hand and sais something like :

'sush, the grown ups are talking. Hold that thought and I will talk to you when I've finished here sweetie'

Trouble is, I assumed the park woman had some kind of disorder, which would make me hesitate to be unkind. I can't believe someone would be that selfish/socially blind without there being some kind of disorder behind it. We all want to be socially acceptable, it must be something pretty big to override that.

There was one person like that, I made a point of having a quite social skills observational lesson to my daughter and saying that she needed to make sure she listened more than 50% of the time and a good indicator of whether somebody is talking too much is that that know very little about the person they are talking to.

Worked a treat

Unless she is fixated on you and follows you round, I do find it hard to see how she can muscle in on every conversation and every person you are speaking to?

You'd have to meet someone like it, Mellow. It is possible for someone like this, yes.

It's 10 minutes everyday, what do you all to talk about?

She sounds insecure. Pity her and be pleased you're not her.

Ha! My DH is like this. Everyone has to be his new best friend, and never shutting up (not exaggerating if I don't stop him or say anything he'll go for 15 minutes straight). He's one of those think out loud sort of people. I just tune him out and play on my phone He is very popular at work and parties though.

When he doesn't listen or let me get a word in I just smack him on the chest and tell him to shut up. Or if he rambles too much about the video game he's playing I just tell him I don't care. He really doesn't mean anything by it, and he's not self centered by any means. He just loves people and likes talking to them. Now that we have DD, he just rambles on and on about his beloved video games and plot lines to her and then insists she loves his voice because she falls asleep to it poor kid. Ah, gotta love him, LOL.

She's probably unaware of how she's coming across. When I tell DH he was rude to someone or over bearing he feels terrible and spends the rest of the night fretting about it.

Look, she's a people person. Make friends with her, and I'm sure you could easily call in some favors from her if need be, like organizing a class party or arranging picnics. If she's organized she'd be perfect for hammering details and talking to caterers. If she likes play dates, let her watch your kid time to time (and watch hers so it's fair). My husband goes out of his way to help his friends out if they ask him for something. Some people just genuinely love being around others.

Punch her in the face?

It always takes a while for groups of people to get the measure of each other. In time you could find she's a lovely, kind-hearted person, or the exact opposite, but one thing's for certain, and that is that you won't all hang around in one big group outside school in the same way forever.

Perhaps she likes your company, which is why she "stalks" you.

I have a good friend who is like this. He can talk and talk and talk. The longest I have known him talk without any feedback from anyone else at all is ten minutes (I timed him). He got a lot worse when tired. It used to drive me insane and made me avoid him from time to time. But in the end I started being very clear to him when he was to stop talking. I would stop him and say "Now you have to be quiet, it is my turn to talk". He got it actually very quickly and is much, much better than he used to be. He does have the odd relapse, but then I just read the paper while he babbles on.

Surely you only see her for a few minutes a day. Just steer clear. She can only talk to so many people.

One of my dearest and eldest friends can be like this, especially with new people or when she's feeling nervous. (be honest the school run at a new school makes most of us nervous!). Sadly it wasn't until after her youngest had started school when at the fine age of 34 & in crisis she was FINALLY diagnosed with ASD/adhd. Had she not had a major family crisis then I doubt she would ever have been diagnosed.

However if you ever desperately need help at 3am she is the one who WILL get out of bed and come and help you, no questions asked. I don't think the term "inconvenient" is in her vocab if a friend is in trouble. Certainly she'd give you the shirt off her back. She's also incredibly loyal, kind, non-judgy and caring. I'm so, so grateful for the kindness she showed my son when he was at his lowest point last year.

If you aren't keen on the woman then you can keep your distance OP, school run is about your child, not the adults. I've put up with some horrid Mums who had lovely kids for the sake of DS - as they get older the children take more ownership of invites etc themselves anyway so monster mums become less & less of an issue. Our role is merely to facilitate and I always think that if the school run is the centre of your social life then summat's up with your own life anyway tbh. (unless you have VERY recently relocated to an area).

Theres a woman on my street like this, I used to try and avoid her (occasionally still do) she flits from one topic to another in the same sentence and I hardly know what shes talking about half the time
But shes also very kind and her family treat her like crap, so I stand and let her waffle on, its not doing me any harm and I get some juicy gossip at the same time

My boss is a bit like this. The way she witters on to the customers makes my innards shrivel sometimes. Every thought and emotion gets a full airing, regardless of the circumstances. We have a mutual friend who is ADHD and there are very obvious similarities between them, they are as thick as thieves, the best of friends. My boss has wondered if she is ADHD (of course she said it, she says everything) but seems to be avoiding actually confronting it properly. She is, btw, exceptionally bright.

I am an extrovert but even I find this behaviour very challenging. An introvert would die on the spot if assailed by behaviour like this I should imagine - where do you come in that OP?

My boss also gets glassy-eyed if I talk about myself for too long, even gets agitated if I am talking to a customer for 'too' long. I have learnt to time and precis what I have to say to make sure she's still tuned in at the end. I don't think it's because she's not interested - she is - but she can only stay with a topic for a short period of time (except if it's about her) and must move on. She gets deeply hurt by relational things - probably because she suspects something is wrong and she doesn't understand what it is.