To think there is something a bit off with this lunch invitation?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Background: After years of being unhappy I left x last week.

The children have been saying things to him i.e why weren't we allowed to take any furniture. Why can he afford holidays but not dd1's school trip etc. He thinks this has come from me. It has not. They are both very smart girls capable of making their own observations.

They see SIL a few times a year. In all of their life they have never been invited for Sunday lunch. Until now.

There is more to this than wanting to feed them roast chicken, no?

I've said they can go. I have nothing hide. I just think the timing is odd. Why now after 7 years of barely any contact?

Because the parents of her nieces/nephews have just split up and she wants to do something nice for them, to keep them close?

I don't know about the furniture/holidays thing as you haven't given the ages of the children.

If they're 3,4,5,6 then I would agree it probably came from you or what they've overheard.

If they're older then possibly not.

They are 7 and 10.

I'd never stop her seeing them. I hope she realises that. I tried to invite them to dd2's birthday party on wed, but I'm not sure if x passed on my message. I don't have their number.

The lunch is probably the least of your worries. Why not focus on separating amicably?

What is your actual concern? Of course her invitation is linked to your recent break-up. Maybe it is to offer support.

OOOO I just realised this was you dooin - you finally did it!
Hang in there lovey, and if you need a shoulder to rant on, or want to go for a cuppa (I'm not sounding too stalkery am I? ) or anything, let me know. God knows it's been a long time coming, but "the only way is up" as they say...
You and the girls will be just fine and get through this, I know you will. You never know, it might be the making of their dad too, sometimes it takes a major upheaval to wake people up to what's going on and sorting their priorities out in life, it just might make him a better, more responsible Dad - you never know!

I am trying to do just that Elderflowers. None of what they are saying to him is coming from me. Not a single word.

I have been more than fair with him. Most of the time it is thrown back in my face. There is nothing I could do to be more amicable.

I'm on my phone and it's cracked so I was trying to condense my OP as much as possible. To be clear I have no issue with SIL. My suspiscion is that ex has been telling her lies about me/that I am trying to turn the kids against him or some such and she wants to ask them about that. Which is fine. As I said I have norhing to hide and quite like SIL.

Nope, Dooin I am familiar with your story and thank feck you have finally moved on.

Do the girls even want to go?

Glad you're out

I've read some of your threads before, well done for leaving!

I'm not sure Molly. They were with my mum tonight because he's been moaning about having them too many "turns" so I haven't seen them since they've been invited.

I've been trying to work as many shifts as possible until the tax credits come through, but have still had them 3 nights this week plus they came for dinner the other 2 nights he had them and I sent them with milk and cereal. They turned up on my lunch break looking for food.

Not stalkery at all Pom. You will have call in sometime. My house is lovely. Imo anyway. Just give me time to buy some mugs, unless you your cuppa in a plastic beaker with a built in straw?

Well then, in answer to your op...

Nope! I wouldn't send them.

WELL DONE.

It may be hard now, but it has given your children the message that material things don't matter.

You have had to deal with his shit for so long, do not put your self in that position again.

If it his time for contact ex SIL can invite them over, but not on your time.

now mugs I can bring - as long as you don't mind various chocolate bar logoes all over them. With 5 DCs, we get a lot of Easter Eggs and they all seem to come with a mug so we have dozens. You are more than welcome to have some of them

I don't know about teaching them th

That material posessions are not important. We devised a list of what we still needed in order of importance. A TV was at the bottom of the list. My father was appalled. On our first night here we got a text from him saying "I've found you a flatscreen. It's £70 but I only have £50, do you have £20 and I will go and get it for you"

I'd love any mugs Pom. I had my sisters round on Thursday and we had to drink our wine from the aforementioned plastic beakers

It was supposed to be my mum's day with them tomorrow so ex can go out and I can move and unpack more stuff.

You all sound like you are doing great.

That's George Micheal 'Freedom' btw.

The caption makes it look like a porn clip. :o

I am soooooo pleased to hear you've left him! Well done, really, really well done.

Well done for getting away!

If you need mugs then we have too many, for some reason people seem to buy us mugs and now we can't fit them all in the cupboard. More than happy to send you some, as dh hates waste and makes a fuss if I suggest a cull, but he wouldn't mind me giving them away.

I don't know if things will get better between x and I. Me and the children are much happier already but he seems determined to continue arguing with me at every. given opportunity.

He text me last night at work telling me I had to go round and see him after work because he was sick of being given "mouthfuls of abuse" everytime they see me.

I barely spoke to the children yesterday. They weren't even supposed to be with me. Dd1 turned up. Made a mess in my kitchen, emptied my fridge and went upstairs. Dd2 turned up shortly after telling me "daddy has said if you're feeding dd1 you have to give me lunch too because he has no money or food" I made her a sandwhich. She went upstairs. When I went up to put some clothes away there were half a dozen kids up there with them. They stayed upstairs with them all afternoon. I was cleaning up down stairs. I have no idea. what they have said to him now or why.

Just after he stopped texting me accusing me of turning his kids against him I find out he's texted my mum asking her to drop them at SILs for lunch today.

What else do you need? I'm sure I can send you stuff.

As for the ex disengage, he's clearly looking for a fight.

:o well done D0oin...I'm thrilled for you!

We're actually pretty much close to sorted Chipped, but thanks very much. Our list reads (the ones in italics were added by the children with an arrow pointing to where on the list they think they should be, we are not necessarily getting those things)

1. Children's bedroom curtains, pole and nets
2. A hoover for carpets
3. Rat cage
4. Two rats, one white one and brown one called Milky Bar and Chocolate Buttons
5. Rat toys and a clicker and rat treats - popcorn?
6. A fitted shower
7. New lino in the kitchen
8. A new laptop for dd2
9. A full length mirror
10. An X-Box One
11. A TV Stand
12. Laminate in the dining room
13. New carpet in the living room
14. A Bedroom desk
15. A Bedroom PC
16. A sofa bed
17. A bedding box
18. A puppy

They are the big things, we also need things like coat hooks, mugs, glasses, tablecloths, bath towels, spare bedding, a shoe stand, storage boxes and bathroom storage but can afford to buy a couple of these things each week.

The internet man is coming on Friday. Then the PC will come from Ex's. We've had to leave him dd2's laptop in order for him to let us take the PC, which is worth far more than the laptop is. The rats are coming on Wednesday as a birthday surprise for dd2 who has wanted them for years. They are not getting a bedroom PC or a puppy.

I like your kids' contribution to your list

I am really happy that you got out. Just so so happy.

Don't let him get under your skin. He will I am sure be hopping mad right now that you dared to leave. Keep contact only re the kids and any essential financial stuff, don't respond to any of his shit.

I'm a long time lurker and have been reading your posts. I'm over the moon that you're out. Keep strong, you're doing great. I know you didn't put the list up for begging,but if you tell us what area you're in, some of us may be able to help