to go on a tangent from the 'why did you stick at 2 DC' thread and ask: once you've had 3 when do you say 'enough'?

[QueenofKelsingra]

I have 3 DC, number 2 and 3 are DTs so having 3 (at that point at least) was not planned. So we already have a bigger car, bigger house, have kissed goodbye the idea of sensible priced holidays/days out/any thoughts of private schooling - which are some of the main reasons given for stopping at 2. And many people mentioned 'middle child syndrome'.

on this basis, once you have 3 is it a slippery slope to just keep going? DH and I are planning DC4 (and hoping its not another BOGOF offer!!) based on the above, don't want a 'middle child' and the big cost outlays have already been done etc.

anyone else feel once you've gone past 2 there are less reasons to stop going on to 4, 5, 6?

I couldn't have a fourth because I don't think I can give them all the attention they need. Number three is only little though so that should get easier.

I'd love four in the long term but feel it would be a hard journey to get there starting with the pregnancy. I feel like I've maxed out the time spent on these things by doing it three times. If I found pregnancy and new babies a doddle maybe I'd consider it.

I do worry about the effect on my body too bigbongtheory - my pregnancies weren't easy. wish the stork delivery was real......

I have 4 but over 2 relationships so I suppose the circumstances are different. In my case, after DC4 all broodiness just evaporated and I was 100% sure I didn't want more - nature's way of telling me enough was enough, I suppose, as the pregnancies definitely got progressively harder.

I know what you mean .

I don't think my brooding ss is related to the number of DCs I already have.

It's hormonal and I expect those hormones to continue for a good while yet regardless of more DCs.

Our dc3 was a surprise implant fail, so we had three children within three and a half years. Dh got the snip when I was pg with dc3 so we can't have a fourth, I've also had health problems which would make it a bad idea anyway.

I saw on QI that three children was the worst number to have as it was the most difficult to deal with, but it is too late for us now we will just have to cope!

I have three... DDs 2&3 were BOGOFs. Im
Goingto see my GP next week about getting sterilised. Really dnt want anymore especially as im 1/3 of a way through a teaching degree

coffee we were planning to stop at 3 but I keep reading so much about it being the worst number, and I can see that already with mine, when all 3 are home 2 play together and one is left out (ironically the middle one although she is the only girl so maybe that's why!). this is a big factor in us having another.

DH is the second of 3 and never had the middle child issue at all so when we found that we were expecting our third it never crossed our minds to make it 4
He had the snip before I had even given birth to DC3 because we knew we were both done, I'm nearly 40 and our eldest is a teenager, DD1 is 8 so there is a good age gap between them all.
I couldn't do it again, I was really ill with everything this last time and more tired than ever afterwards.

I have three boys, all teens now.

I would have loved a fourth but finances dictated otherwise.

To me, three was never awkward, they got on well and always played, they were placid and easy going which helped.

All this middle child angst is rubbish.

Have as many children as you feel you and your family can absorb be that 1 or 10.

It's no one else's business but yours and it's such a personal choice they you can't compare with anyone else.

We have 4. Aged 23,22,15 and 14 and got lots of comments about accidents and are you mad?

It's just rude. It's your body and your choice.

Kids don't need private schools, ponies, 3 holidays a year either they just need time, patience security and love.

Stopped at 3. Dc3 was a compromise; DH adamant he wanted to stop at two, I was adamant I wanted 3/4/5.

It took me a while to get over the broodiness of wanting dc4. Now they are teens I am thrilled we didn't have more. It has been expensive and tiring, and much as I love them all, I'm pleased DH had his sensible head on and reigned me back. I would have struggled with a fourth, not so much at baby/toddler age but now at early teen stage.

Incidentally, with hand on heart, I can honestly say we have no middle child or child being left out syndrome.

I don't agree that "middle child angst is rubbish" - speaking as middle child....

I do think it can get over egged, though, and there's no certainty that all families of three will gave the sane experiences, so if you end up with three don't worry!

I decided 4 was enough during labour. I'd gone to bed early because I was tired, and woke up with pains at 11pm. I remember thinking during labour that I really couldn't be bothered to push.

When I had 2, the thought of not having dc3 made me feel so sad. Properly truly desolate, link there was something missing. I hated this as felt so guilty I wanted more than my two gorgeous DC.

After dc3 was born (and still now 3.5 years on) I just feel "done", there is no need, desire (or energy!) to have no. 4.

Ah, yes, eddiemairswife - I made a mental filenote whilst in labour with DC3 that this was bloody painful and I wouldn't be going through it again. Three's lovely, I find. No issues with middle child syndrome - you just need to work hard at family relationships. Three is still just about manageable without having to do anything special, but I do get cross at anything offering a "family" ticket etc that is for two adults and two children.

We have six and if it wasn't for the last one being very premature ( so three out of six ) I would have another like a shot however it is clearly an issue with my body not just bad luck so I wouldn't want to put the baby or family through all the angst again. We have discussed fostering in the future instead ??

I always wanted 3, but after DS3 was born I had a niggling feeling I wasn't done. That feeling didn't go away until DS4 came along. I am done now, I just knows it in me bones

I had that exact same niggling feeling after DD1, that I wasn't quite 'done' and after he had recovered from the shock of finding out I was pg again DH admitted he felt the same (he almost fainted!).
After the amniocentesis though he was more convinced than me that 3 was it. The whole thing was massively traumatic and the hospital lost the results!

I have 3 under 5 and won't be having any more as after my third delivery I no longer have a uterus. If it wasn't for the fact that I was so ill during my third pregnancy a fourth would have been a real possibility. 3 is hard work, but not much more than 2, 4 can't be that much of a transition. Even DH has said that if we can manage financially down the line that he would consider adopting.

We have 3 and I just knew that there wouldn't be more. We haven't ever discussed it, it's totally unspoken that we are done. I have no urge whatsoever for a 4th and neither does DH

Dh would say morew than three children and we'd have to get a bigger car. He's very practical.

I just knew I was done after three. I think you know what you can cope with.

interesting to hear other thoughts on this. those rubbishing the 'left out/middle child' - are your 3 all the same gender? I ask as it is DD that is left out and the DSs play together. DS2 and DD play beautifully with DS1 isn't home.

I was ill during my last PG, but I am putting it down to it being DTs so hopefully would be easier next time. I have been lucky and whilst I have suffered through the pregnancies (gallstones, SPD, borderline HG) the children have all be perfectly healthy and all VBs so I think I can suck it up for 9 months to get No4.

DH is worried I still wont feel done, I am hoping I will for all our sakes!!

We have three, always wanted three. Struggled with infertility after DS1 so it feels like a complete miracle to actually have three.

I do feel that we are 'done' and the family feels complete but if I'm honest, if I was five years younger I suspect I'd try to persuade DH to try for a fourth. I was early forties by the time I had DC3. So age a big factor for me. I think i will always be broody for babies though.

It is always interesting to read about people's experiences of 'middle child' syndrome with families of three. I'm sure it's a major issue for some families but less so for others. I know several 'middle children' of three who have gone on to have 3 DC themselves because they felt the dynamic of three was such a good one.

I felt done after three. But it's been tough. I was very broody after DS2. DH was happy with two but also happy to have a third on the condition we did so asap. So we had DD. I do wonder if the broody feelings I had after DS2 would have gone given time. I don't regret our third - do you ever? But its only as they get older that I'm appreciating how much harder it is with three especially when I'm on my own. You are so outnumbered. As they get older school is so demanding and keeping track of who needs what, doing homework etc etc. Cars are another issue also holidays.