to go on a tangent from the 'why did you stick at 2 DC' thread and ask: once you've had 3 when do you say 'enough'?

[QueenofKelsingra]

I have 3 DC, number 2 and 3 are DTs so having 3 (at that point at least) was not planned. So we already have a bigger car, bigger house, have kissed goodbye the idea of sensible priced holidays/days out/any thoughts of private schooling - which are some of the main reasons given for stopping at 2. And many people mentioned 'middle child syndrome'.

on this basis, once you have 3 is it a slippery slope to just keep going? DH and I are planning DC4 (and hoping its not another BOGOF offer!!) based on the above, don't want a 'middle child' and the big cost outlays have already been done etc.

anyone else feel once you've gone past 2 there are less reasons to stop going on to 4, 5, 6?

Queen we too have our dd as our middle child and an older and younger ds. It used to be ds2 was left out as the oldest two played together, now ds1 goes off to friends and dd and ds2 play. You might find the dynamic changes over time, currently they are all playing on the trampoline with ds1's friend, but they have all just rushed off in horror as ds2 has had a pee accident!

Middle child syndrome does exist, my middle sister has always felt left out in our family. But I think it is a product of personality and family dynamic as much as birth order, and there are things you can do to mitigate it - including having a fourth dc, so good luck!

My husband is the middle of 3 and we have 3 children. He's never once mentioned middle child syndrome.

My husband is the middle of 3 and we have 3 children. He's never once mentioned middle child syndrome.

The older children in large families often seem fed up with their lot.

I know one very quiet child, the eldest of 5 who is always saying she feels ill. It does seem to be attention seeking because the parents are always busy with the little ones.

The eldest always has to help too, whether they want to or not.

I have had three. I know that it's time to stop (or ramp up my pelvic floor exercises) from my experience on the kid's trampoline...

Middle-child syndrome probably exists in the same way everyone told me number 3 would be dead easy and just slot into the family, fitting in with the rest of us. DS3 hadn't read that particular rule book

middle child syndrome is an excuse to have more kids imo.

If i could re-wind i would have one. i think the moe children you have the more you are depriving the children you have got

protest alou like but there is only so much of you to go round and not everyone is going to get an equal slice of the parent pie - no matter how many kids you have.

as long as you are supporting yourself and not claiming benefits - fill your boots, but its kidding yourself to think that you are not taking away from your existing children

We have five, we planned four and no five Was a bit of a bonus baby, not planned but not unplanned as in we were debating a fifth and weren't as careful as we could have been.

If we had the money for a bigger house and a cleaner we might have another but I think we are done, tho not sure enough to go for permanent contraception ie the snip for dp.

It has its crazy moments but the kids generally all get on, there are phases when two of them might rub each other up the wrong way, it used to be ds1 and ds2, now it's more likely to be ds2 and ds3.

As for the elder ones having to look after/help, no but the rule in our house is we all make the mess so we all help tidy up, with four boys I am very determined that they won't grow up to be men who don't know how to do household stuff. So we all pitch in.

It can be noisy and busy, we had three extra for dinner yesterday. But I and dp make sure they get time on their own and they go on 'holiday' to relatives on their own, and little things like elder ones staying up or ds2 comes running with me.

There are pros and cons to all family sizes, it's what works for your family that counts.

DD1 is 13

DD2 is 9

DS is 2

I had DS when I was 44 ( having had several miscarriages - 2 between DD1 and DD2 and 4 between DD2 and DS).

We haven't so much decided to stick at 3 as got really lucky with our third 'bonus baby'. Had he come along sooner then we may have had a fourth

It's lovely now. I feel very lucky. We have just arrived on holiday. But I'm also aware that in 5 - 10 years time DS will be on his own with us - ageing parents - for holidays and that might not be such fun for him. At the moment all he knows is the adoration of his older sisters.

I'm still technically fertile but at 47 I have ruled out hope of another. Not complaining though. I genuinely enjoy every minute of them. And although the largish gaps weren't planned it makes for variety now.

We were a bit unsure whether to go for a third child. We did and we're very lucky but she is without doubt our last! I was so sure before she was even conceived that I planned to be sterilised when I had her by c/s.

I don't really get the whole bigger house, car thing. We have stuck with a normal 5 seater car and 4 bed house. Holidays are slightly more of an issue but generally we went with a self catering 2 bedroom option or family suite anyway.

Meant to say, I got preg very easily and other than spd had easy pregnancies and births. Had I struggled to conceive or had difficult pregnancies or births then I am sure that would have influenced our choices.

Around here, it is usually the families with 3 boys/3 girls who go for the 4th child

We just felt complete after DS3. It is such a personal thing to each couple though.

We have 3, had DS1 when we were young (19&21) he was a surprise and neither of us were qualified/had finished studying so for a long while another wasn't an option, then DD arrived (another surprise) when he was 7, thought we were at capacity and suddenly I was desperately broody when DD turned 3, and DS2 arrived just after DD started reception and DS started high school, so now they're 14, 7 and 2.5. If we had planned things better we'd have had them closer together and almost definitely another one but it all seems to work well as it is!

I've got 3 and miscarried no4. Didn't try again after that as I felt my body was saying no to any more. I had had two tricky pregnancies with nos 2 and 3 and was already 40, so I felt it was best to quit whilst I was ahead. DH was already feeling that 3 was plenty!

No middle child syndrome here...Middle one is our only girl and there are big gaps between them all, so I think they've all had plenty of chance to be the youngest one at home with me whilst the older one is at school etc.

I am definitely done now and don't feel more than a passing regret about the loss of no4. Still get momentarily broody when I hold a newborn but it dissipates quickly.

We knew absolutely we were done at 3. Dh had the snip when dc3 was two months old. We have never regretted it or brooded over what might have been.

Re. The playing together mostly they got on but if any had gone a-socialising more often than not the fireworks would start when the third (whoever it was) returned then it would all settle again.

I didn't notice any middle child syndrome. Possibly because we had dd in between two ds's but couldn't say for certain.

Like others, I knew I wasn't done after DC1 or DC2 but am definitely done now ... and DH has "been done" to avoid later wavering (however unlikely).

I'm glad our circumstances (age, finances, fertility) have permitted us to have the number we wanted.

OP - I am a middle child between brothers. My younger brother was best friends with both my big brother and myself. My little brother and I were closer in age (1.5 years rather than 2.5 years).

I didn't realise until I was an adult that my big brother resented me. We are fine now, my Mum told him when we were in our twenties how much I idolised him as a child.

It's very interesting looking back.

I do 'get' the middle child thing. it breaks my heart to think that my youngest wouldn't have been my baby at 18 months. He' still my baby at 3.

What I mean by that is that I feel for the 18 month old me. Rightly or wrongly.

We went from 2 to 4 (DTs) and then I really wanted no 5. Now we have 5, I know we are done (not done anything permanent though). Mainly due to the sheer hard work of having 5. The costs rise much much higher when they are older as well. I say go for it!

jelly how is the dynamic with 5? our DTs are b/g so there is always the risk that No4 is actually 4 and 5 and we end up with an odd number again!!

I am one of two, I have a younger brother and that made me certain I wanted more than just 2. my father is one of 6 and my grandmother talks very fondly of her big family and the siblings are all close still, I think that impacts my feelings for a bigger family.

I'm also one of two and parents have big families which may have influenced me. I was always jealous of friends with 2 or more siblings! I always wanted 3+ from being little. I also always wanted twins! (only one set though!!!)

Dynamic works well, DC are g,g, b,b (DTs) and b. The first 4 were all within 5 years so quite close gaps. This worked well. There is a bigger gap (6yrs) between the last (we had a hard time ttc with him and history of multiple losses). I find this harder and he has even asked me for a 'baby brother' so he has someone to play with! It's quite hard having days out etc with a mix of ages. It is possible though, just harder.

In addition he was a high needs baby. I thought no 5 would be a doddle after having twins but it was a nightmare, we got no sleep at all for long periods and he was in/out of hospital. This was very hard with 4 others to look after!Sometimes I felt guilty as didn't have much time for the others with no 5's high needs! So you never know,I pictured an easy baby that would slot in! Wouldn't swap him though!

I found 4 chaos but never had 3 (went from 2 to 4) so can't compare it. My DTs had developmental delays though so this may have contributed as well as a hideous birth! I find 5 a handful in things such as holidays (haven't been abroad since had no 5), cars (we share a 7 seater since they are so expensive), things like brownie/guide/cub subs x 4+,school lunches (25 a week to make) etc. It can also draw attention when you go out sometimes! The dentist always jokes that he needs almost a full afternoon to book us in for a check up. Even when we went to Spain with just 4 of them the cleaner kept looking shocked and saying all they all ours!! Career wise it would have been hard with childcare but luckily am a SAHM. I wouldn't like to ask family to look after so many for any length of time so we don't get to go out much but that doesn't bother me. I think unless you are very well off you may need to be a bit more frugal when you have 4/5+ and need a lot of patience!

I feel I am done with 3. I can look at lovely newborns and think how lovely they are and remember fondly the feeling of having a new baby with absolutely no desire to do it again.

DH and I both come from really small families (all our parents are only children so we haven't got an aunt, uncle or cousin between us!) So it has been lovely to create a mini tribe (by the standards of our family). Our children all get on really well with no middle child issues yet . But as Custardo said up thread there are less things you can do with each child individually when you have several children. I feel thinly spread at times and would like to have a bit more time one-on-one with each child. They are still quite little though so perhaps it will become less of a juggle as they get older.

We are having a wonderful time as a family but we are absolutely certain we don't want more than 3. I think I would feel absolutely panicked if I got pregnant again! But I have friends with more who say that the broodiness has never gone away. Even after 4 or 5.

jelly your post has made me so much more confident about our decision to go for another, even reading how hard it is at times doesn't put me off! like you I am a SAHM and hope to continue to be! our age gap wont be too big, 3.4yrs between DTs and DC4 if all goes to plan. will just have to hone my budgeting skills!

QueenofKelsingra I say go for it then, and sounds an ideal age gap! It is really lovely having a big family and, although it is hard work, there are many rewards!! If i could live my time again I would do it all the same! And I know I am 'done' now but didn't before so your gut feeling tells you when you should stop! (for most people anyway!)