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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest condoms as opposed to me having a Coil...

62 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 15:00

I have previously had a Mirena Coil which worked brilliantly, no side effects and improved my periods IMMENSELY. Anyway, I had it removed for TTC purposes and DS is now 9 weeks old.

I had my post natal check today and the GP asked about contraception and I mentioned I might have another Mirena at some point. Within 15 minutes of me leaving the surgery the practice nurse phoned me to arrange an appointment to have another coil put in Hmm

The thing is, me and DH have never had the most active sex life (think going months at a time without DTD)and now DS is here it's even further from my mind! It's the last thing I'm thinking about. However, ironically, he has actually asked when we can have sex again. His question took me quite by surprise actually.

I just don't know if I can be bothered to have another Coil inserted (not pleasant going in and even more unpleasant coming out) because me and DH aren't in the need for regular contraception. I'm tempted to just not have one and tell DH that when sex does occur we should just use condoms.

The best thing in my mind about the Mirena was how it made my horrendous periods practically disappear and that would probably be the only reason I'd want another one. However, I'm breast feeding so not having periods anyway. If/when my periods recommence then I'd definitely get a Coil but until then I just don't see the point.

I know condoms can be fiddly, spoil the moment, affect sensation etc etc and so are not the most favoured/practical form of contraception in long term relationships/marriages but there's just nothing in me that's eager to have a Coil put back in.

So as not to drip feed, due to medication I'm on I can't take any hormonal contraception where the hormones are released into the systemic blood stream, I.e the Pill or the Implant etc

AIBU to feel like this?

I am going to broach it with DH later and have no idea what his reaction will be.

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 23/05/2014 15:03

Of course YANBU - it is your body and you decide what goes into it. Does DH really hate condoms?

wearyroad · 23/05/2014 15:04

DH and I have been using condoms our entire marriage (together 13 yrs). I cant take any hormonal contraception at all and hate the idea of the coil.
We have an active sex life, and its never been a huge issue, so cant see how it would be too much bother for you and your DH.

meditrina · 23/05/2014 15:06

I think what you suggest sounds very reasonable. You're not saying 'never again' to a mirena, rather 'not now, I'd rather wait'

But unless you want another baby in quick succession, you must use contraception. Lactational amenhorrhea is fairly effective when your baby is under 6 months and if you are exclusively BFing and feeding round the clock with no long gaps. But you can conceive before your periods restart, you may not want to rely on it.

katandkits · 23/05/2014 15:06

Of course it is not unreasonable! However condoms are not as effective as the coil and of course eventually you will have your periods back. suggest condoms while you are breastfeeding and then you can revisit the issue at a later date to see what the best longer term solution is? At the end of the day if you don't want a coil inside you that is your absolute right to say no to it. if you aren't having sex that often then the effect on him will be minimal . in any case new babies are a very effective contraceptive. Mine had a sixth sense and woke up as soon as we got started on anything like that!

AnyFucker · 23/05/2014 15:08

I would say your needs take top trumps at the moment and you should do what suits you best

Your husband will have to fit in with that

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 15:09

mama - we used condoms when we first started dating and I had my Mirena put in after 6 months if us being together. That was 3 years ago now. He never said he hated them, but no man would ever say he loved them Smile I think condoms can be seen as the contraception choice for 'casual encounters' as opposed to a long term choice in committed relationships - except in cases like wearyroad obviously.

OP posts:
TheFuzz · 23/05/2014 15:09

I wish we'd stayed with condoms (bad snip experience). Perfectly reasonable request.

icclemunchy · 23/05/2014 15:09

Yanbu. Hormonal contraceptives send me doolally And I really don't fancy a coil so we use condoms.

I've pretty much gone off sec since DD was born so I'm buggered if I'm doing something I don't want when if DH didn't initiate it I'd've quite happy going without

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 15:12

The reliability of condoms does worry me a little as I absolutely definitely do not want to accidentally fall pregnant!!

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 23/05/2014 15:14

Just wanted to mention that my periods returned when DD was 8 weeks old despite EBF.

DD is only 4 months old and my cycles are back regular as clock work. BFing doesn't always suppress ovulation.

ANM07 · 23/05/2014 15:15

YANBU

We only use condoms. I don't want to take hormones and I got pregnant with a copper coil in. It's condoms or nothing and DH is fine about it.

AnythingNotEverything · 23/05/2014 15:19

YADNBU.

Condoms aren't just for casual encounters. DH and I have used them for years as I can't take te combined pill and the mini pill turns me into a psycho hitchhiker for at least three weeks of every month.

Leave the coil until later. You may find condoms work perfectly well long term.

hugoagogo · 23/05/2014 15:30

If you absolutely definitely do not want to accidentally fall pregnant!! then condoms aren't the answer.

calculatorsatdawn · 23/05/2014 15:33

YADNBU I think condoms suffer from an bit of an image crisis as either joyless buzzkillers or the manky smelling things you get out of a pub vending machine when you fancy a go behind the bins. There's so much choice, and certainly some that add to the experience rather than detract from it. It's not just the NHS style wellies that you used to get. DP and I use 'jonnies' as he always writes on the shopping list long term and touch wood (no pun intended) we're not pregnant yet.

Igggi · 23/05/2014 15:42

Have always used condoms (married) no accidental pgs despite always getting pg quickly when actually ttc - just use them carefully, and get the map if something goes wrong.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 15:44

Sounds like condoms are actually more popular than I thought!!

OP posts:
FlatPacker · 23/05/2014 15:57

I was glad to have a coil fitted soon after childbirth - the midwife says they are much easier to insert after all that recent stretching. I didn't feel a thing actually and it is the first I've ever had. Plus, my periods came back a whole lot sooner than after DC1...

OxfordBags · 23/05/2014 16:10

The only men I've heard of who've had a problem with condoms are thoughtless, selfish twats or one guy who had a genuine latext allergy (and was perfectly happy to then use non-latex ones). OP, you shouldn't be worried about his reaction - if he thinks his sexual pleasure comes before your health or your wants and needs, then he's not worth shagging anyway. Bit worried that you're concerned about his reaction. It wouldn't even occur to me to think my DH would have any problem with me making a decision that my health required, or even just one that made me happy, because he wouldn't have a problem. Even using condoms, he still gets to have sex with you, what's he got to complain about?!

NeverFinishWhatYouStarted · 23/05/2014 16:12

For 17 years, we have used condoms as our only form of contraception. We have a pretty active sex life (2-3 times per week). No problems getting pregnant when when we were TTC, no scares when we weren't.

YANBU

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 16:14

flat - I had an ELCS so no 'stretching' went on Smile

oxford - I'm not concerned about his reaction in terms of him having a strop, I just meant I don't know if he would understand my reasonings seeing and I've had one before. I guess I was just looking for reassurance that I wasn't being difficult when it would be so easy to just get one put back in.

OP posts:
steff13 · 23/05/2014 16:16

Mirena does have hormones, doesn't it?

Would you consider a cervical cap or diaphram? It's your choice not to have an IUD, but if he doesn't like condoms (I don't blame him) certainly a compromise could be considered, couldn't it?

sonlypuppyfat · 23/05/2014 16:17

My DH never minded using condoms he hated me pumping chemicals into my body.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 16:29

steff - Mirena does have hormones but they are released directly into the womb as opposed to circulating in my blood stream. I hadn't thought about a diaphragm actually...although it seems a bit icky to me... Grin No offence to those who use them obviously!

OP posts:
katandkits · 23/05/2014 16:36

The failure rates for diaphragms are quite high especially if you have had kids. I wouldn't rely on one myself.

jamaisjedors · 23/05/2014 16:36

Same as neverfinish here - been using condoms for years, chose to have 2 DC and got pregnant easily enough and have never had a scare.

DS1 is 10 this year and neither I nor DH wanted me to go back on the pill after he was born.

I think the statistics about lack of safety are because so many people say they use condoms as contraception, and then DON'T use one for whatever reason on occasion and then get pregnant.